Paedophile
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“I knew a paedophile when I was young, nice guy.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Paedophiles
“In Soviet Russia, eight-year-olds rape YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on paedophiles
“Is it still illegal if I close my eyes?”
~ Victor Krum on paedophiles
Contents |
[edit] Definition Of A Paedophile
- One who practices the ancient martial art of Pae Do
- A non existent element in children's stories used especially to instil great fear in children for the effect of a natural upbringing encouraged rather than the notorious forced spoon-feeding of knowledge from parents.
- A lover of feet.
- A man who uses a small file to smooth the sharp edges of peas in expensive restaurants to make them more palatable for their sophisticated clientèle.
- Someone who collects plasticine which they keep inside filing cabinets.
- A Catholic priest
- Certain types of Cat
- Steven Alexander May of Blyth, Northumberland, England. (Childs Beware).
- 50% of death metal musicians
- A Kiddie fiddler
- Michael Jackson
- Female P.E teachers
[edit] Origin of Paedophiles
It is not a very well known fact that paedophiles descend from worms. Having more DNA in common with worms, than they do with humans or sheep. Some people believe that paedophiles were injected with hormones that made their penises go erect to the length of a full grown intestinal tapeworm while looking at children by a rather rare species of animals called a family. Or at least that's what I told I mean they told the judge.
[edit] This is a fact!!
Impress your grandchildren with these snippets of fun paedophile trivia!
- Paedophiles are easily lured by a trail of paedo pellets (commonly known as 'Werther's originals')
- Paedophiles all come from the quaint little town of Paedophilia (not to be confused with Philadelphia) (but keep your kids away from Philadelphia just to be on the safe side), Lancaster and probably Middlesbrough.
- The leading cause of paedophilia is sexy children going to the beach where crabs can look at them.
- The main course for paedophilia in the UK not so much anywhere else is in fact "sexy kids" GOD DAMN THOSE SEXY KIDS
- One way of defending yourself against paedos is to higher a very tall, bald man with a beard to protect you. However this may be a bad idea as he may be a paedo himself.
[edit] Popularity of Paedophiles
- They are considered a very highly regarded species for observation, being naturally sexually perverse and having an extra gene which can also cause down's syndrome. Therefore paedophiles can be considered to be suffering from a more serious form of Down's syndrome, that is, the syndrome without the Down expressed physically.
- There are several fan clubs since the beginning of time, ranging from the Royal Rome Family Youth Exploration Club and The Future Youth of North Korea Training Club.
- Paedophiles are given this name to honour the very first paedophile, Paedophilus whom was the English Ancestor of Micheal Jackson (Its true that he is not black!).
- John Paul 2.0 is soon to be made the Patron Saint of Paedophiles - due to his selfless defence of Catholic ones. Oooh, he had a heart of gold, didn't he?
[edit] Average Paedophilia's Internet Conversation
BigBoi101: any1 on?
ipissmahbed1000: i am on
BigBoy101: hey
ipissmahbed1000: sup?
Bigboy101: ntm.
BigBoy101: A/S/L
ipissmahbed1000: no
Bigboy101: ill tel u min first.
ipissmahbed1000: k...
Bigboy101: 55/Male/NYNY u?
ipissmahbed1000: OMFG 10/Male/NYNY
Bigboy101: OMFG R U 4 RL!?
ipissmahbed1000: OMFG YES I HAVE NO FRINDS THO :(
Bigboy101: Ill b ur frind.
ipissmahbed1000: rly?
Bigboy101: want 2 cyber?
ipissmahbed1000: yah!
- 6 hours of Cybering later*
Bigboy101: cya gtg
ipissmahbed101:dood want 2 hang?
Bigboy101: ill be on 2moro
ipissmahbed1000: no i men in rl
Bigboy101: uh k wer u want to meet?
ipissmahbed10000: at chukeh cheese.
4 days later "BigBoy101" who was revealed to be a 47 year old feminine Asexual was brutally
raped by "ipissmahbed1000" who was revealed to be a 9 year old boy o.o weird.
[edit] The dangers of pedophilia
Sometimes, pedos carry a disease called "hetuchmyballitis". Symptoms include instant facial changes such as a thin nose, pale skin and greasy black hair and certain desires to look at child versions of some things.. Miraculously, the victim has absolutely no craving for children. Srsly!Catergory:Crap Pages
Categories: Stub | Actual content | Bad guys | Evil | Fetishes
