Panda God
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“Panda Gods are evil,tasteless- ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Panda Gods while being eaten by a Panda God.
“Panda God died,he ran out of bamboo- ”
~ God
“n00b- ”
~ Panda god on On God.
“c00l- ”
~ hippie in weed on smoking some...
“You will die motherf*cker”
~ Wilko on Panda God
Pandas are large, furry creatures who specialize in the art of beign endangered. They have set up an advanced civilization in your back yard complete with tiki bars and large indrustrial companies of no importance whatsoever.
There Religion, Pandalogy is the belief in the Panda Gods.
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[edit] What the Bloody Hell is a Panda God?
A PANDA GOD!! IS the man ALEXANDER FULLER-ZHU!! for mmore detail read futher
A Panda God is a freakin' large panda hand that floats about inside a white cloud, and randomly will pop out and exclaim "Roar!" before grabbing and proceeding to engulf there victims.
Panda Gods are close relatives to God, in fact there leader Panda Jesus is a cousin to Original Jesus.
Panda Gods were believed to be created in a laboratory somewhere in Texas on March 24th, 1995. Dr. Alfred Carter Wilde, who discovered them, immediately began to show off his theory to the public. Unfortunately, he was eaten by a Panda God before he could.
[edit] Pandaianity Myths, Legends, and all around creepy stuff
There are several legends and myths in Pandaianity surrounding the creation of the Panda Gods, The Universe, microwaveable popcorn and all that jazz. Below are listed some of the most notably confusing ones:
[edit] How the Universe was Created
As told by the Panda Gods.
In the beggining, there was nothing but filler existence ( A close relative to Filler Anime ) until the 46 different Panda Gods came. They popped out of there white clouds and ate all the filler existence while exclaiming "Roar!"
The Filler Existence, being scared out of it's litt'le booties', quickly surrendered and was eating by the Panda Gods. Afterwards, the Panda God Ron Burgandy created a large mass know as existence.
Afterwards, the Panda Gods had a huge parted that resulted int he creation of 9 baby panda gods, as well as the creation of Mars, Venus], Ninjas and non-toxic edible green slime. That party was known as the Big Bang and to some it was known as "The Party that Started the Universe but indeed did not start it due to the fact that it had already been started at the time of the party which means the title of the party is very contradictory to itself, making it a paradox."
[edit] The Creation of Microwaveable popcorn
One day the Panda Gods created Microwaveable popcorn. The entire Universe rejoiced and threw several parties. Afterwards Bill Gates was asassinated.
[edit] Godzilla
The Chinese believe that if you find a discarded Panda tooth, you have the power to summon Godzilla!
[edit] The Life Cycle of a Panda God
Through heavy research and random guesses, the life cycle of a panda god has been recorded below:
[edit] Panda God Infant
At this stage the Panda God has not developed vocal chords ( according to Pandaologists, "It is a common birth defect in pandas") and therefore must instead nod it's head or shake it's gludias maximus in place of roaring when it swoops down and picks up an unsuspecting victim. At this stage the infant either drowns while being baptized of quickly advances into it's next stage, the . . .
[edit] Panda God NOT an Infant
At this stage the Panda God is clearly NOT an infant, although there are no real differences between this stage and Panda God Infant.
[edit] Panda God Teenanger
At this stage in the Panda Gods life they go through puberty, mood swings and random rampages of destruction ( which is not uncommon among all Panda gods). They must fight off there raging hormones without causing mass genocide on Earth,Venus,Jupiter or Planet Rupert.
[edit] Panda God
A Panda God in this stage is perfectly normal. They are considered the most prominent types of Panda Gods.
[edit] Mid-life Crisis Panda God
When a Panda God comes to a certain age, they go through a mid-life crisis, causing the to go absolutely NUTS. This was the cause of the holocaust, the extinction of the dinosaurs and the end of all existence. It is suggested to not exist while one of these rampages is going on, as it will save you from utter destruction.
[edit] Senior Citizen Panda God
This is the last life stage of a Panda God. In this stage, a Panda God is considered to be really dang old, drives slowly and needs glasses larger and more circular the the planet Uranus.
[edit] What to do to avoid being owned by a Panda God
When you have the feeling a Panda God is watching you, you're proabably right. If the Panda God at that moment does not swoop down, Exclaim "Roar!" and eat you, then you should consider doing the following:
- Strip. Panda Gods enjoy nudity and will not eat you, for at least a while.
- Wear your Anit-Panda God Underwear( Now available at your local wallmart )
- Call Ghost Busters. It will not do much, but they do look flashly and have there own theme song.
- Employ the help of Ninjas. If you are to be attacked, then they may be able to fight off the Panda God if they are not busy fighting Samurai or Pirates.
- Employ the help of Raptors. You may be in luck if it is one of the 11 robot Panda Gods that plan to eat you, as the raptors will defend you and destroy the Panda God if they do not bite your head off beforehand.
[edit] Enemies and Allies
The Panda Gods are freinds with the pirates, cowboys, vikings, popes, digimon, Pandas and most everything else besides Ninjas. However, they will still eat any of there allies for no particular reason.
[edit] See also
 | Pandamonium |
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Fiat Panda - Giant panda - Hairless Panda - Love Panda - Of Pandas and People - Panda Army - Panda God - Pandaface - Pandasex - Pander - Red panda - Red Panda - Kung Fu Panda - The Great Panda Panda-emic |
