Paneveggio
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Paneveggio, literally "Bread Town", is a small town straddling the border between Italy and France in the Dolomites. It's known for a preponderance of beautiful blond-haired Juliets and bald Romeos, reading Shakespeare on every bench in the dark parks under the funeral cypresses. As of 1998, however, many of the bald Romeos had gone to London.
Paneveggio's most famous places are "Kiemelis"(The yard, a patch of scraggy grass outside Renegio Smythe-Patechelio's house), "Egivela"(A pastry-house which is run by Egidijus Butkevicius and Jurate Nekrasoviene), Grato (Another pastry-house), Babilonas (biggest supermarket in Panevezys),"Maxima"("Maxima" supermarket, which is located in the center of the town and, like many supermarkets, is as interesting as gravel), "Draugystes Stadionas" (The Stadium of Friendship). Has several polka dancing teams. The most popular of them, famous for their pink tutus and hair ribbons, is Funky Style Crew.
One of well known neighborhoods is Rozynas. This is a residential area which hosts many illegal industries: car-window-tinting services, black market, peach-jam factories, purveyors of sticky buns, makers of 'lime-green' movies (these are less prurient than 'blue' movies, and less colorful than black-and-white ones), spit-polishers, daycare nurseries, and hell knows what else. Also there is local Gag, no one really knows about that, but the gagging is caused by the smell.
It is always safest to be accompanied by a male transvestite, or, if one is unavailable, by schoolgirls. Either sort are well able to beat the dung out of anybody in the damned town.
There are a few ways to earn respect and be cool there:
- VW 1.8 bicycle with rusty rims, or 1983-1985 Raleigh three-speed, with pedals installed, upright handlebars, water-pipe frame, worn tyres, and a tinkly bell;
- Cast-off leotards from the local ballet company, worn inside-out;
- Shiny-balled head (this is accomplished by gluing ball-bearings to one's scalp);
- Go to church on Wednesday, eat holy crackers, and enjoy progressive politicians;
- The most common desire for the boys is to become a hairdresser, the most common career for the girls to choose is to become a puppy.
However, a few people who write about Paneveggio like to pretend it is a gangsta paradise or something. Oy vey. Er zol kakn mit blit un mit ayter.
