Panic! At The Disco
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“And they called me a fag! The nerve!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Panic! At The Disco
“In Soviet Russia, The Disco Panic!s at YOU!!”
~ Russian reversal on Panic! At The Disco
“Haven't you assholes ever heard of closing a fuckin' goddamn door?!!.”
~ Brendon "Urine Sample" Urie on Panic! At The Disco
“Im sick of these mothafuckin' emos on this mothafuckin' plane!”
~ Samuel Jackson on Panic! At The Disco
“Stewardess, may we throw the emos off the plane?”
~ That Guy on Panic! At The Disco
“God we suck...”
~ Guitarist from Panic! At The Disco on Panic! At The Disco
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Panic! at the Disco (originally Rape! at the Disco) are a pop / death metal / Vegeterian Progressive Grindcore band from Uganda, Africa. They are the only known band to make a "song" about closing doors a "hit". They are also notorious for popping up too often when people are looking for disco music, although why people would be looking for disco music is anyone's guess.
The members! of Panic! at the Disco are not technically human, since they were created! using an experimental product from Apple called iClone. Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz! was able to gain access to a prototype! by sucking off Steve Jobs over a period of 3! months (often being forced to wear a wig! while being called Steve Wozniak).
Unfortunately, Pete Wentz left the cloning vats for several decades (whilst checking his myspace!) which resulted in the entire batch developing a hideous mutant capacity to not only hijack but ruin any airwaves / radio transmitters / virgins in their immedeate vicinity.
In order to give this new band! a façade of originality, he locked the clones in a room! for 5 weeks with nothing but a record album by the Canadian Arsonist/Terrorist/Indie Rock band Arcade Fire. When later asked about how having a group of Fall Out Boy clones listening to the Arcade Fire would constitute originality!, Wentz started crying and slashed his wrists. The other members of Fall Out Boy have yet to comment! on the issue.
Their music was developed! by S. P. Lunker, an employee of Egregious Music Incorporated (EMI), where the official name of Panic! at the Disco's music is Generic Emo-Punk 24621552. It was developed to increase the company's profits and counteract good music, as Lunker and other members of EMI had been fighting the evil "War Against Music" since the The Battle! of Los Angeles was released by Rage! Against the Machine.
With the help of notorious club DJs! Vladimir Lenin and Jar Jar Binks (famous for "discovering" the "singing" "sensation" Ashlee Simpson), the Panic! At The Disco clones entered a disco club in Scotland and proceeded to play their music! in the middle of the dance floor. This "music" brainwashed! all of the patrons of the disco club, immediately causing the patrons to style their hair into comb-overs, dye it black, and slit their wrists while sounding as if their testicles! (or clitorises for female patrons) had been chopped off and their heads filled with mediocre 80's dance-pop.
Following the release! of their first album, Panic! at the Disco became a phenomenon destroying music! as we know it. The band's popularity is mainly due to the strong support it receives from homosexuals, Da Cock, Michael Richards, and whiny 14 year old girls. Many experts believe Panic! at the Disco has been the cause of widespread kitten huffing among suburban youths with unlimited disposable income, while others believe the band's popularity is a side effect! of being a faggot.
The band! currently consists of:
- Ryan! Ross (strings, flesh flute, banjo, piano wire for killing)
- Brendon! Urie (The guy that sings in that one song about the wedding and the whores)
- Jon! Walker (The other guy, lead tamborinist)
- Spencer! Smith (Who gives a fuckin shit? YOU?!)
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[edit] Responses! From The Critics
"This is preposterous! I cannot believe such a band would ruin the Bee Gees' legacy! These fools are emoticons, not a disco band! The Bee Gees were disco! This is farty shit! This band should not claim to be such a traditionally revered sound such as disco! Disco is one of the highest forms of art rock around today, and they are ruining it!"
- Barry Gibb of famous 70's disco band, the Bee Gees
"You can't just say 'panic at the disco.' That defeats the whole point of the exclamation mark. We need that to sound exciting. I mean, would you rather listen to ho-hum 'panic at the disco' or 'PANIC! at the disco?' It's a shame the other band members turned down the capital letters; makes me want to cry."
- One of the members of Panic! at the Disco (who cares which one?)
"Fuck dis shit! Dis isn't disco! You want to hear disco, you convert to scientology and come to our meetings every Friday!... Now, THAT'S some REAL fuckin' Brooklyn disco! In fact, I wanna dip my balls in it!...Panic at the Disco ain't disco!... I'm fuckin' disco!"
"Shit in a can. The band members do marijuana, which kills brain cells and can lead to overdoses. The band worships Satan, and can often be seen biting the heads off innocent animals, throwing fake blood into the crowd, and exposing themselves to the audience. A fan told me that during their shows naked women run on stage covered in blood and masturbate. The whole thing is fuckin' sick! These Satanic fags should all be burned!"
- Justin "The Wonderdog" Woody
"We can really identify with their music. We both seem to enjoy the company of 8-year-old boys."
- Official press release from NAMBLA
"They stole our idea!!! We're so angry about it, we're gonna write a song with a 100 word title about how annoyed we are!"
-Excitement! At the Party
"Good band! Great music to bang little children to!"
-Bob Saget
"Hey man, fuck these guys, I mean, really man, they problably don't even know how to improvise and jam shit out, like the Dead, ya know man? They just play their shitty power chord-4/4-woe is me shit over and over while bands like Phish can play in 9/8 using dorian modes for like 25 minutes, I mean I was listening to some bottlegs the other day.....( rambling 45 minute speech on why Phish is cool, the properties of purple goo, and the effects of the Cuban Revolution on American culture in the 50's and 60's.) ..... man, I have the munchies."
- Random hippie Zach Anderson
"They give farty shit! a bad name."
- Farty Shit! on Panic! At The Disco
"ZoMg, Panic! at the Disco iZ lYk ... SOGOOD. my bf n i mAyk oUt to TEiR sOngzZ i Bleev that this is MuZik!!!
- 14 year old who actually has her emo appearance come out in her oppinons, shameful and slutty.
"The lyrics 'Haven't you guys ever heard of using the goddamn back door?!' reveal much about the anxiety and sexual frustration underlying their music. Recent studies have shown that the use of subliminal communication and ultrasound has been successful in drawing Emos to the music, who are particularly susceptible (like some mammals) to high-frequency whining sounds."
- Sigmund Freud on Panic! at the Disco
[edit] Things! Nobody Cares About
- Contrary! to popular belief, the band's previous bassist, Brent Brian Chris Dennis Wilson, did not leave the group due to internal conflicts. He was actually killed! by Pete Wentz, who then sold the organs to pay debts owed to the Russian Mafia.
- Ryan Ross is often in the papers and teen magazines. Claims! of him currently dating are true, with rumors! that the girl's name! could be Bee, Jenneh, Brenda or Steven Segal.
- Oddly enough, an actual "Panic at the Disco" may also occur! in real life if the aforementioned disco catches! on fire (e.g. the Station nightclub fire). Most music critics agree that the sound of a "Panic! at an Actual Disco" would be more pleasing to the ear than the actual music of Panic! at the Disco; however, someone would still have to close the goddamn door.
- Due to its popularity! amongst girls, the band has spawned a legion! of imitators. Well-known imitators include Treason! in the Mosque, Ecstasy! At The Rave, Vomit! in the Toilet, Coitus! up Your Butthole, and Coheed! and Cambria.
- It also spawned 30 biopics, and Book! At The Disco - a book containing all the universe's knowledge. but of course this is all but important to readers who really don't give a flying! fuck about any of this.
- Panic! are often considered emo, but apart from their daft haircuts, extremely tight clothing, whiney voices, retardedly long song names, self-mutilation, this consideration is unfounded.
[edit] The! Purported After-Effects
After going! to a concert of the band, many people! have reported feelings of shame, the desire to become a Mormon and, in some instances, a mild form of Instant and Bloody Death. The American Dental Association have warned that parents who take their kids! to their concerts grow a craving for gay emo boys. That's right, the parents, not the kids.
There are also unconfirmed rumors! of Mr.T and an emo posse dressed in top hats and ridiculously tight tights attacking anyone who says or thinks Panic! At the Disco without putting a huge amount of emphasis on the word "Panic." The identities! of these emo men are unknown, but most agree that Roger Moore and Hitler! probably have nothing to do with it.
[edit] Bottle! at the Concert
During their opening song at the Carling Weekend: Reading Festival, a terrorist! in the audience, having snuck in from Canada, used a homemade projectile launcher to fire a bottle! at Brendon Urie, killing him. Reportedly, the tears of a thousand fangirls flooded the concert. Brendon recovered a few months after the incident, just in time join the rest of the band as they finally finished exclaiming the name of the song they were about to play. About his actions, the man responsible for Urie's death issued the following statement:
"It has become startlingly apparent that we live in a world of perpetual fear when we can't even recognize the difference between terrorism and a public service."
The entire set of events eventually inspired a short novela, which in turn inspired P!@TD to write an irrelevant song with a quotation as the title.
[edit] Disco! Graphy
A Fiver Yu Ken't Swet Owt
Released 2006 by Dekaydans Rekords à la Egregious Music Incorporated (Generic Emo-Punk 24621552/A01-A13)
- Introduction (Look at How Self-Absorbed We Are) - 0:36
- A Quotation from a Chuck Palahniuk Book Instead of a Song Title (Pt. 1) - 2:54
- A Quotation from a Douglas Coupland Book That You've Never Read Because You're Not Emo/Hipster - 3:23
- Ryan Ross's 10th Grade Book Report on Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk Put to Music - 3:23
- Cum on de Sade - 3:11
- Ryan Ross's 11th Grade Book Report on Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk Put to Music - 3:22
- If We Weren't Gay, We'd Get Boners Watching Natalie Portman Take Her Clothes Off - 3:20
- Intermission (Brendan Urie Had to Go Suck Chuck Palahniuk's Strap-on) - 2:35
- But It's Better if You Do Act Gay, Cuz Then You Could See Natalie Portman...Naked!!! - 3:25
- Another Quotation from a Douglas Coupland Book (Because We're Clever... AND LITERATE!!!) - 3:06
- We're Not Emo... We're HIPSTERS! Seriously, We're Hipsters! We Like The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou for Chrissake! WE'RE NOT EMO!!! I ALREADY TOLD YOU WE'RE NOT EMO!!! GO AWAY OR I'LL FUCKING CUT MY WRISTS!!! - 3:30
- I'd Rather Be a Hack Musician Than Spend Another Day Working at Smoothie Hut - 3:16
- A Quotation from a Chuck Palahniuk Book Instead of a Song Title (Pt. 2)/We're Clever Because the Bridge of the Song is Poking Fun of 'My Favorite Things' from The Sound of Music - 3:40
- Okay, We Get It - This Song Title Is Really, Really, Really Long and Equally As Unimportant, Confusing, and Unrelated to the Contents of Its Lyrics As The Others - 4:16
- If One! More Person Changes Their! Myspace Display Name to! (Their Name Here)! At! The Disco, We're Going! to Either (a) Slap! A Hoe or (b) Sue! For Copyright Infringement (We! Just Haven't Figured It! Out Yet, Honey) - 2:54
- Bonus! Tracks:
- Close the Goddamn door
- Open the Goddamn door
- Close the Goddamn open door.
- Open the Goddamn closed door
- Close the Goddamn open door (remix)
- Open the Goddamn open door (remix)
- Leave the Goddamn open door
- Leave the Goddamn open door open
- Leave the Goddamn open door open or shut the door
Their second album, Weasels! Rip My Flesh (supposedly a tribute to Frank Zappa) is scheduled to be released in 2007. It has been announced that the first single to be released will be "Thanks For Making Us Rich, Chuck". Angry Sunni leaders in Iraq have already said they are likely to boycott.
On October 13, 2007 Panic! released their live album, "The Devil and Pete Wentz Are Raging Inside Me".
There only album that has a song in it is there latest one, the song is titled "I Write Sins Not Cavities"
[edit] Rant! of the Emos
“ZOMFG so "Tonight, Tonight" isn't their own song? Who the fuck is Smashing Pumpkins???”
~ An emo on Cover songs
“I dunno, I've never heard of them, like, evar! OMG I LOVE P!ATD's song "Karma Police!"”
~ Another emo on The above quote/Radiohead
“In Soviet Russia, wrists cut YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Emos
- That's horrible you bastards!! Panic! are amazing, so go screw yourselves and get a life.
- ZOMGGGGGG u guys r SOOOOOOOO gay!!!!!! And SO AM I!!! I TOTALLY FUCKED P!ATD members up the ass and they LOVED IT!!!!! they are the best band in the world EVEERRRRR (besides other bands) and so what if they are emo i mean emos are soooo frickkin HOT and just coz dey cut themselves doesn't mean theyre gay i mean JEEEEZZZ maybe theyre depressed and thats how they like to deal with it u guys suck this isn't even funny and how could u make fun of the song names i mean i write sins not tragedies is the AWESOMEST SONG EVERRRRR and its better than anything else in they world omgomgomgomg i hate you guys i dont even care anymore im gonna go lock myself in my room and write a song about how PANIC RULEZZZ and how much YOOU GUYS SUCK i hate you!!!
- He's hot.
- The thing that sets this band apart from other bands is that other bands are bands.
- uhm zomg people, u r s0 stoopid. I meen srsly they r nt gey and they r in luv with grlz, that means they r not gey omg. brendan is dating a grl named cupcake but i dont know her reel name lol lol. panic!!!!! at the disco is soooo wayyy much uber better than ur stoopid bands omg panic!!!!! atthe disco isn't emo omg they r not emo cause emos arent organic and panic!!! at the disco is omg im seriuz you guys need 2 get a grip becayse the only emo band in the world is hawthorne heights and panic!!!at the disco > hawthorne hites yeah cause panic is way just omg they arent gay or emo!!!! omgz just please omg we are their #1 fansz cause we make them a new scrap book/ project every day with or pictures of ourseelvs at our 5th grade graduation from last year and stuff and we think were just theyir number one fans. lol hay hay you you i dont like your girlfriend!!!!!1! lol ohai ryan if you r reading this this is 4 u- HAY HAY I DONT LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEDN lol she dresses like my teacher loll. just on a short note the panic livejoruanal iz just way cool cause john walkit lurks on our community lol!
- LOLZ WHAT dRUGZoRZ ARE uZ ON? iLOVE PATD dEY SAYXEE Bo-EEZ! LoLZ DaYZ nOT Gh-EYZ
- lololol i lyke PeTe WeNtZ coz he gifs GuD hed!!11!1!1one!1!1!
- PaNiK! @ dA DiSkO is Da BeSt!!11!
- Panic! At The Disco owns all of ur asses! ha... how u like them apples!
- OMGz P!@ATD Is the fucking coolest band in like everz! they started that schweet trend of putting a "!" after a word, which is like so fucking coolz!!!! Brendan Urie is SO0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O HOTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Hey im barely emo!!
- I think there prity cool but I would as I'm a whiny little 16 year old girl YES THAT'S RIGHT I'M NOT F#%$ 14 YOU D#%$HEADS HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS TO CLOSE THAT F@#$ING GO DAMN DOOR!
- I'm sexy... Put tHaT iN YouR jUiCe BX & sUck IT!!!11!!!!one!!1!eleven!!@
- Panic! At The Disco is the best rock band ever. And that's sayin' something cuz I'm a friggin' pimp, not an emo.
- I like love panic! they make me all wet i just want to rape them all and then beat them in with a lava lamp. Yes Gary, isn't that right? no, but yes. well done.
- XXXHoW CAn aLL YoU GuySss LOve PATD?? TheRe LIke MuSICal BlAsPhEmY!!!!111XXXX
- juz cuz ur not individualz lyk da millionz of emoz, duznt men u hav 2 say crap about da best band eva!
- Whoever wrote this does not have a life; Panic! At The Disco is the best band the world!!!
- It's ignorant whale shit like what the person wrote above me that makes me want to step on babies. Go wash your hair. You don't deserve to have greasy hair...guyliner pigs. See article: Grunge
- L33V PATD @LON $UKR$!!! d3Y RLZ ND U B!TCH$ N03 IT! s0 L3V'3M @LUN M*DRF*KIN @$$H0L3S!
- p!atd totaly owns yur asses n yur just jelus cuz brendon urie is hawter thin you <3 besides u guys r like stupid and not scene who th fuuck isn't scene these days anywayz BTW WER NOT EMO ANYMORE WERE SCENE BITCH so stfu and stop calling us emo u fuckers lol ok so anywayz p!atd rocks but not more then paramore ILY haley <3333333
- janey juvie [ C?!?!!?! i got a scene naame lawls im like kiki kannibul <333333]
- shannathestrange-hmmmm...am i the only one who noticed that there are only 13 songs on the album and not 15?srry...ocd...and panic! at the disco is really awesome...but unfortunately i think they will lose a lot of fans bc they keep saying they will have their next album out that month...but then they move it to another month...it was supposed to be out in september...its now november...but whatever...george ryan ross III is really hott!!!
GOD DAMN IT I HATE THEM SO MUCH THEY CANT PLAY ANYTHING BUT MAJOR/POWER CHORDS ON GUITAR WHICH SUCKS, THERE NANCY BOYS THE SINGER CANT SING WITHOUT PRACTICALLY KILLING HIS THROAT, ONLY 13 YEAR OLD GIRLS/ GAYBOYS LIKE EMO THERE EMO, THEY SUCK,PEOPLE ONLY LIKE EMO COZ THERE HOT, THE FANS CDONT HAVE DECENT COMEBACKS I.E OOO HES HOTTER THAN YOU OOOO YOU DONT HAVE A LIFE' WELL YOU DONT HAVE TASTE IN MUSIC EMO FAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- i'd just like to state that panic! at the disco is one of the most original bands around. they may have been signed on pete wentz's record label, but that doesn't mean they are remotely alike! and what's wrong with quoting films and books? that just shows that they are intellectual- they enjoy reading which is more than i can say about half the music scene. they are a different type of music-- you can't label them. they aren't emo as much as you wish to believe they are so you can just bash on them. yes, they make covers, but every band does! they sang tonight, tonight because they like smashing pumpkins. they sang karma police because they like queen. Honestly, don't you sing songs that you have written? No, they aren't 'hardcore' but no one ever said they were. I think what you really hate here, is the bands fans. i have to admit some are ridiculous but you shouldn't stereotype people you dont know. And what if they re gay? I don't think it should matter what a bands sexual orientation is. That doesn't make them good or bad. It doesn't change who they are- it doesn't change who anybody is so I think that's flat out preposterous that you would bring something like that into this. Also, Brendon Urie is a fantastic singer whether you'd like to admit that or not. His vocal coach worked with Bruce Springsteen. I, as a singer myself, admire him and his technique and if you don't, whatever. You're subject to your own opinion. But that's no reason to take your hatred of them to the next level and do something like this. Obviously you have fun making webpages... why don't you make one on something a little more conventional. This was hardly for laughs and it's dumb that you want a bunch of people to rant and complain because that'll make you feel better.
- they still suck moron! seeing as there a terrible band of people who act very gay and womenly but arnt actually gay (then again..) and just so they give insecure emo/scene/preppy girls something to masturbate to and use them as role models on what there crappy low self esteem gay boyfriends should look and act like
- "Karma Police" was by Radiohead, not Queen, asshole.
- Wait...Fall Out Boy and Panic At The Disco aren't the same band?
- Whoa. Whatever happened to Robot Jones?
- I know that guy^^. Maybe. I dunno this band sucks.
[edit] Panic! With A Dildo
In early August 2007, it was decided that the bands next CD would be released under the name of "Panic! With A Dildo". So far, the band has released the title, which is "A Cock You Can't Wank Off". Also leaked on the bands site were a few of the track titles, "Cock for Brunch, Ass for Lunch", "Time To Cut", "Jearking Off Is the Most Fun I Can Have Without Taking a Load Down My Throat", "There's a Good Reason My Cock Is Small Sailor, You Just Haven't Had Anal Yet", and lastly so far "Well, Might As Make Another Title For A Song, Really Really Long, and Really Really Really Gay, So Let's. (Cutty Cut McChoat Cheese)" and the alternative tribute from Ryan to Brendon "Lying is the Most Fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off"
[edit] Panic! At The !
Panic! At The Disco announced that their ! after the panic would be lost in a vortex of space and time.
“I'm sorry to say that Brendon asked if he could borrow the ! for a bit of fun but unfortunately it got stuck in the door which was accidentally closed, but we think that's just his excuse as he really did 'things' to himself with it. We often found 'liquids' stuck to that !...”
~ P!ATD
[edit] See! Also
- Panic! on the Titanic
- Panic At The Anus
- Panic! At San Fransisco
- Histeria! At The Discothèque
- Panic! On 9/11(too soon?)
Categories: Musicians Who Suck So Monumentally That It Really, Truly Amazes Me That The Earth And Any Surrounding Planets And Quite Possibly A Good Bit Of The Afterlife Have Not Yet Been Swallowed Entirely | Things George Bush has Apologized for | Things that make Baby Jesus cry | Things that made General Grievous cough
