Pants on No Pants Day
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The idea of wearing pants on No Pants Day (Occuring on May 16th) is one typically upheld by Republicans who fail to see the merit in dedicating a day to not wearing pants. Some of these ideals stem from being raised in a society where the wearing of pants is held in high regard and even celebrated in some circles.
[edit] Non-Compliance
There are several ways people have been known to protest No Pants Day, including, but not limited to:
- Wearing pants.
Also, people have been known to exhibit passive impudence by wearing "pants substitutes", such as dresses, shorts, and kilts. This is called "Skirting", and is viewed as a more indirect approach for those who do not wish to be seen on either side and choose to "skirt" the issue. It is an absolute disgrace to be considered a Skirt on No Pants Day.
These pseudo-participants, when confronted about their lackluster dedication, justify using techniques such as wearing short shorts, "because they've got that frontal protection, but you can pull the boxer legs out from the bottom and it really looks like you've got just boxers on." While some manage to pull off tactics of this nature, Skirting on No Pants Day is generally considered dangerous, and has led to many violent outbreaks. See Open Conflict
[edit] Liberals against No Pants Day
In his April 2096 speech at the Annual Anti-No Pants Day Conference in Trousers, TX, Andy Anaya, chairman of the organization and direct descendent of its founder, Cody Banyon, professed his beliefs in a conspiracy behind No Pants Day. In this speech he condemned the international holiday while still upholding his generally leftist views:
- Proponents of the neo-liberal nudist agenda will tell you that 'not wearing pants' celebrates freedom. I, among others, believe that this is part of a larger conspiracy orchestrated by women in an attempt to get at my dick. They love the cock. LOVE it. Call it Freudian, call it instinct, but they will seek it out at all costs. This zippered layer of denim's the only thing keeping every woman I come in contact with from just involuntarily reaching down and grabbing a hot handful of my junk. It's gone too far, and I won't have it!
[edit] Open Conflict
On many occasions, hostility between supportors and opponents has led to lynching, rioting, looting, arson, and the all-too-common mass anal rape. Each outbreak of violence has consistently led to more and more casualties, the most notable of which was the Yankee Rape of 1847. This monumental struggle led to the voracious anal raping and subsequent deaths of at least 1 trillion Americans and would directly lead to the founding of the Anti-No Pants Day Coalition by rape victim Cody "Boot-cut" Banyon.
