Paramore
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“Yes, the carpet does match the drapes.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Hayley Williams
“Rock and roll, baby, don't you know that we're all alone now, I need something to sing about.”
~ Hayley Williams
“I'll give her something to sing about.”
~ Every male teenager on Hayley Williams
Paramore is a pop punk band that is amazing in every way.
Contents |
[edit] Formation
Little is known about the group's formation except that it has something to do with the day lead singer Hayley Williams dyed her hair and an intense hatred of country music. Hayley and the three guys in the band whose names are irrelevant used their "music" as an excuse to get the fuck out of the South as soon as possible and took up residence in Will Smith's secret basement lab as seen in I Am Legend, which consists of demented people (not zombies) roaming New York trying to devour every non-demented person left on earth. Yawn.
[edit] All We Know is Failing
While squatting at Smith's, the band surreptitiously used his personal booth that you can "see from the kitchen" to record their first album. Though young, the band did not lack ambition. They quickly decided the recording would be a concept album, writing it around their belief that each of them has failed at everything they've ever done in life. What resulted was 10 tracks (11 for those "lucky" fans in Japan) that justified that belief.
[edit] Fire Hair Syndrome
During the touring for All We Know Is Failing, Hayley contracted fire hair syndrome. It is believed she caught it from your Mom. Fire hair syndrome symptoms include her now-famous wild red hair, an affinity for banana colored pants, and a transformation into a mega hot chick. Currently, there is no known cure. At least, that's what the guys of the world tell her because, really, who the hell wants her to change? Mmm, banana pants.
[edit] Buy It!
The suits at Paramore's label decided they were ready for the big time and presented them with an entire pre-written album to release. The band refused, citing some sort of "artistic integrity." Suppressing laughter, the executives obliged the teenagers, but reminded them the album would have to "move units" or their two year old dream of rock stardom would end. Tragically, the band misheard the statement as "remove tunics" and returned with 69 tracks about underage premarital sex. The suits were appalled (not at the subject manner, but that the band would return with something so unmarketable) and delivered an ultimatum to be enforced by Puff Daddy: release the pre-written album "Buy It!" or die. What followed next was a commercial smash led by the hit single "Selling Sadness" in which Williams croons, "I'm selling sadness./I like it on the top./I've got a body like an hourglass that's sure to rouse your cock./It's just a matter of time before our fame runs out./Come and meet me back stage, I'll let you put it in my mouth." PARAMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[edit] Parawhores
A fan of the band and owner of ParamoreForums.net and Paramore.org began to develop a nickname for Paramore-obsessed fans everywhere. The most pervasive became "parawhore" a combination of the band's name and the sexual slur "whore", insinuating that these fans were "whores" for Paramore's music. However, the term was quickly turned back on the fan base. Some people began to use it to describe male fans at shows who Williams somehow managed to turn into shrieking teenage girls. Yet another theory is that Hayley is in fact "THE" Parawhore. Uncyclopedia authors have yet to confirm this because we are all computer nerds who have had no contact with women and are thus unable to identify what a whore actually is..
