Parliamentary Reform in Britain
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“As long as i can still be massively gay all the time i don't care what happens.”
~ Oscar Wilde on fears that giving working class people the vote would lead to increased queues at Tescos
“Once, I raped a whole load of girls, you know, just to see if i liked it, but please, don't tell my mother - she'd just die if she ever found out.”
~ The King on the possibility of reforming the British political system
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[edit] Why did people want reform?
In 1792 the French went nuts and killed loads of people, they deemed it the Nintendo Revolution. Among the deaths were several kings, one of which being the King of France Louie Louie (named after the popular song by the Kingsmen).
The Britonish people generally hated the French, and not willing to be outdone they decided to kill some people too, and maybe get some votes while they were at it. Vera Brittain and her then husband Liam Gallagher were very keen on reform because Manchester was considered by the Aristocats, who ran Britain at the time, an awful, smelly, scum-filled place (much as it is today) which frankly, didn’t deserve to be able to choose who the Prime Minister was.
The rest of the UK, especially Jeremy Bentham, wanted reform because they were hungry, whether this was for bread or for the blood of virgins has never been established. The middle classes were not only hungry but very intelligent and noticed that only people who were related to the king or the Prime Minister seemed to be able to vote, they subsequently started asking for the franchise to be increased form 8 people to around 28 to include the whole of their class.
There were also some other reasons, which Benjamin Disraeli knows about, but he won’t tell anyone, the bugger.
[edit] What has Chuck Norris got to do with this?
Lord Chuck Norris of Old Sarum was Chancellor of the Exchequer as well as the Chancellor of the Current Chequer in 1821 when some stuff happened, he responded to said stuff by introducing the Six Acts, these were as follows:
1.Everyone stay the crap away from my bins.
2.If Oscar Wilde thinks I’m passing legislation allowing him to wear that chiffon halter-neck he won’t shut up about he has another thing coming.
3.No seditious libel.
4.Vera Brittain’s ‘Testament of Youth’ is in fact the worst book ever written, it’s not as good my book ‘Chuck Norris: I was right to kill those prostitutes’
5.Everybody stop telling me to reform everything, I talked to the lords and the king and they agree, we like it how it is and you’ll just have to wait until you’re an Earl if you want to not die because you’re too poor or something.
6.I hate Jeremy Bentham.
[edit] Who had the vote before this stuff happened?
Number of votes each shown in brackets.
- The King (2)
- John Cleese (14)
- The Prime Minister (1)
- Sony Computer Entertainment (3)
- Benjamin Disreali (25)
- Corinne Bailey Rae (789)
- The French (8)
- Oscar Wilde (12)
- Gay people (85, 973)
[edit] Corruption
The other bad thing, other than the awful smell of Corinne Bailey Rae’s nuts, that was happening in Britain in the 1830s was election corruption. This was the process of those with the vote being bullied by singing sensation Chairman Mao in order to make them vote for the We Hate Homosexuals Party. This got so bad during the 1828s that a special police force, the meat flap brigade, had to be created to restore order. There were 495.6 reports of electoral rape/forced kitten huffing during that year alone.
[edit] The Whigs
Whigs ARE to be confused with Wiggas as really there isn't that much difference, just ask Akon.
The Whigs were a political party in the 1800s, they now exist under the title New Labour but have continued their hardline policy of "Rediculous wigs for all" right into the 21st century.
Benjamin Disraeli wasn't a Whig, neither was the Zombie James Brown. The Folowing people however, were Whigs: God; Moses; members of the quaker faith; Jesus; in fact a lot of religious people, idiots.
[edit] The Tories
The Tories still exist today. Back then they were right miserable gits, a tradition held feverently right up to the current present now of contempry society. The Tories hated reform, this was because they already had all the money, and did not want anyone else getting their grubby mits on any of all the money. They were inherently simular to the Whigs, the only physical differences were that Tory's wigs were made of money rather than pubic hair (known as public hair in the 1830s) and a third nipple. Really though, the Tories made absolutely no difference to the course of reform, as you will soon discover.
[edit] The course of reform
In 1831 there was no reform act, in 1832 there was one.
[edit] Chartism
This was a movement that began because, again, some people were hungry. This time however it was certainly for the blood of young virgins. Other reasons were that singing sensation George Michael had recently formed the political party Wham! and everyone hated him. Chartism failed the following morning due to a chronic lack of West End musicals documenting the rise and fall of Chuck Norris.
When evaluating the role Chartism had in the struggle for reform, it is important to consider how drunk you are, the drunker, the better.
[edit] Continuity
Nothing else happened to do with Parliamentary Reform in Britain and the country’s political system has never been altered since, despite a slight drop in the number of Tory Mps accidentally strangling themselves during deviant sexual acts.
