Pasta
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Pasta is the stuff of life. It has been irrefutably proven by very smart men that without pasta, nothing ever would have existed. This means that the Big Bang consisted of a pot of delicious pasta boiling over and creating the Universe. (see also Flying Spaghetti Monster, Antipasta)
[edit] Toppings
In the early beginning pasta was eaten without any topping. Until in 101 B.C. in the city of Sparta the legendary 'Red Sauce' was invented. Their leader Leonidas hated chinese food and was addicted to the reddish liquid. When chinese catering companies stole the supply of Red Sauce from the temple of Pastoina, Sparta declared full war on the People's Republic of China . After the war Sparta proceeded to develop even tastier toppings. Many cannibals choose to eat their pasta with a mixture of babys and ground beef mixed together.
[edit] Controversy
Rigatoni,a underground movement formed around 1752 that held that God was a son of a chickenpenne. This was quickly squelched when the United Nations executed everyone who held that belief. Everyone who so much as suggested that God was a chickenpenne was immediately doused in gasoline and set on fire. When the Pasta of Life was being distributed, all the followers yelled: 'Pasta, pasta is our masta!' and trew some uncooked pasta into the air. Satanists hold that god is antipasto.
[edit] Music
To few it is known that pasta is in fact very musical. As everybody knows, pasta originates from Italy, after they stole the recipe for spaghetti from China. The traditional custom of eating spaghetti with chopsticks was also abandoned, though a group of spaghetti purists have again taken up this tradition, among them Brandon Gilbert. Since all Italians like to sing (and everybody who sings has ancestors in ancient Italy), they made a lot of pasta that can produce sound. Famous italian singers include Eros Ramazotti, David Hasselhoff and Giuseppe Verdi. Not to forget the several singing Gondola Guys in Venice.
After the downfall of the Roman/Italian Empire, there was not much singing left in the European continent. Therefore the Italians created the musical pasta, to carry on the heritage of Italian music. The musical food soon conquered the world.
Famous musical noodles are the Maccaroni, for its squeeking sound while slurping it with excess amounts of tomato sauce. The Farfalle produces rhytmical flapping sounds, when spiked on a peg, and blown like a propeller. The worlds most musical Spaghetti were unfortunately eaten by two dogs in an italian restaurant. This tragic incident was recorded on film and put into an animated Disney feature.
There is a story that Scottish people, while being ejected from restaurants on the discovery that they have no money and are drunk, will regularly claim to have invented pasta. In ten thousand years of human civilization, this claim has never got them back inside the restaurant. This story is clearly bullshit, and probably just invented by a no good smelly English.
P.D.Q. Bach, the noted son of the Bach family, wrote for the Pastaphone in his famous "Four Folk Song Upsettings." (This is actually true.) This song cycle, popular in his day, was unfortunately obscured by his father's less inspired pieces, most of which were written for boring instruments such as the organ.
