Patrik Andersson

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Patrik with his "new" cellphone.

Patrik Andersson ( May 22, 1957- July 11,1999) was born in Hörby, Sweden in 1957. He was the only son/girl of the Last Viking, Torbal the Viking, and Helina Dormatnius The Third. He was also the cousin of Galvin The Woodpecker, the famous lumberjacker. It is also rumored that he was related to Pierre du Terrail Bayard (1476-1524) but it was never confirmed.

[edit] Early Life

Patrik had a tough life. He began to work 5 months after his birth ( October 22 if its to hard for you to count) in his fathers coal mine. Instead of salary, Patrik got a groin-kick each evening from his father. The conditions in the mine was horrible (but still better than in Denmark). He had to work 25 hours a day and the lunch-breaks were only for the dogs and the lunch was Patrik's groin. After working in the mine for 5 years, Patrik escaped and and began to work in Picadilly Circus as "The Last Half-Man, Half-Hairball, Half-Meatball." He quickly became famous and started to travel around the globe.

Patrik (right) and Oscar Wilde (left)

[edit] Middle Life

After becoming rich in the circus business, Patrik grounded Triassic Park, the famous zoo filled with lizards and such. It quickly became the Top 1 Zoo in Sweden, beating both "Raping Rats and Son" and "Misbehaving Primates Animal Prison" . After 2 years of no-limit success, Patrik was claimed as THE RICHEST SON OF A BITCH in the world. He moved from his dumpster where he had lived for 14 years into Taj Mahal. Patriks life was mostly about eating chips and playing FIFA 07, until he was in 1986 confirmed to have Gay-Fever. Patrik became depressed and try to kill himself many times, but failed cause he sucks. When the depression was over, Patrik traveld to Borneo to "find himself". Instead, he got raped by a group of albino-monkeys. After coming back, Patrik grew a fondness to his cleaner, Bengt-Maj Magnusson. In 1990 Bengt-Maj and Patrik got married, but separated in 1991 after Partik found out that Bengt-Maj was cheating on him with one of the albino-monkeys. Patrik became depressd again in 1998 and successfully killed himself by sticking his head into a blender.

Patrik (left) and Bengt-Maj (right).

[edit] After Life

Afer he was killed, Patrik's ghost moved back to his old dumpster and has haunted it ever since. They say, that every time an albino-monkey dies, Patrik's ghost masturbates. And if no one thinks this is funny, GO TO Hell.