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Who knows what goes on in his head.
Paul Bearer (109-2006) is a famous fat, mentally unstable, gay wrestler, actor, poet, and artist. He has had bouts with being retarded. Who knows what is wrong with him.
[edit] Early Years
Paul was born at the dawn of time. He was the son of Satan and Greg Louganis. When Paul was little,he was smacked on the head repeatedly by Martian Manhunter. This caused him to be a retard. Paul grew up and had to write an essay for school. He wrote about a cat that he had. However, it didn't exist. The cat, Wilbur, could "do whatever the fuck he wanted to," according to Paul.
[edit] Mental Years
Paul Bearer became a wrestler since he had no brains. He used to rape his opponents in the ring. They would run away. During this time, Paul also started developing a different personality. It was Percy Pringle. Percy Pringle was bipolar and would yell frequently about donuts, the Tourettes Guy, Chuck Norris, Adolf Hitler.
[edit] Finding Jesus
Paul soon discovered that he was gay. He decided to find the only other fat, gay guy around. This man was David Crosby. He found Jesus with Crosby and they prayed. He became normal for once, and became a crack cocaine addicted artist by the name of William Moody. Paul and David lived a very happy life together with Percy. However, Percy wanted to break free.
[edit] The Battle Within
[edit] The Racist Cow Incident
Shortly after Paul and David's marriage, Paul and David went to a farm for their honeymoon. Paul met a cow named Pee Pee, who allegedly called Paul a RACIST WORD. However, this wasn't true, since cows can't speak.
[edit] Decline in Health
Depression began to set in and his weight soared to over 5000lbs and he famously collapsed through his bedroom floor, into the kitchen, and onto a series of springs which bounced him into the garden, causing the death-by-crushing of 4 apple trees. It was around this time that he received a call from Vince McMahon asking him to make an appearance at Wrestlemania 20 alongside The Undertaker in a Fat Fucking Bastard on a Pole match.
Paul was really getting dumber by the minute and David had him sent to a mental institution. There, he met the Joker, who buried him in cement. He died later on in the day.
[edit] Resurrection
An angel came down to resurrect Bearer, but decided against it and went out for a beer instead. He remains a dead man to this day.
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| The Conclave of Doom: ∩, Fred Phelps , Ed Gein, Assholes, Al Gore, Hugo Chavez, George W. Bush, Mario, Benito Mussolini, Dick Cheney, Adolf Hitler the Jackoff, The Barney Bunch, Nancy Pelosi, Bert, George Washington, Bears, Organization XIII, User:Darkness..123, Ernie, Killer whales, Ł, Ronald Reagan, Oprah Winfrey, Satan, KFC, Old Men,Xerxes the Gay, The Burger King, Wendy Thomas, Ronald McDonald, Enron, Grue, Elvis Presley, The Pope, Penguins, Kyle Broflovski, King Stewie of the Universe, Sephiroth, Kermit the Frog, Margaret Thatcher, Jimbo Wales, 1337, Mickey Mouse, Perdition, Star Wars Kid, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Mel Gibson, Mudkip, Dick the Clown
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| Comics Committee: Doctor Doom, Emperor Galactus of the World and Universe, Joker, Lex Luthor, Megatron, Mr. Freeze, Pikachu, The Riddler, Rob Liefeld, Cream the Rabbit, Magneto, Venom, Dr. Robotnik, Optimus Prime, Jimmy Neutron
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| Space Committee: Chairman Drek, Darth Vader, Dr. Nefarious, John Travolta, Katie Holmes, Khan Noonien Singh, L. Ron Hubbard, The Irken Empire, Zim, Team Rocket, Tom Cruise, Xenu, Meg Griffin, CATS, Neopets, Dalek Fred
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| Music/Theatre Committee: Abu Hamza, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Kevin Federline, Leonard Bernstein, Avril Lavigne, Ł, Paul Hindemith, Madonna, Ron Jeremy, Hannah Montana, BBC
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| Thunderess Terror Trio: Steve Ballmer,Chris Chocola, Michael Howard
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| Minions: Fox "News", Rob Liefeld, Nancy Pelosi, Jerry Springer, Taurus Bulba
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| The Dancing Monkey Pajamas Party: Abu Hamza, Homsar, Pee-Wee Herman, Teletubbies, Herman Munster, Daffy Duck, O.J. Simpson, Mace Windu, Toad
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| Politics Committee: Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, The Legendary White Teletubby, Bill Bennett, Charles Montgomery Burns, Ted Kennedy, Chairman Mao, Hugo Chávez, Nelson Mandela, Kim Jong-Ill, CNN, Fox News, Imelda Marcos, Che Guevara, Joseph Stalin, Ian Paisley, John Kerry, Michael Moore, Sean Penn, Jon Stewart
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| Sports Committee: Al Davis, Joey Barton, Kobe Bryant, Roger Clemens, █████ ██████, Hulk Hogan, Rusty Wallace, Shaquille O'Neal, Hubert Horatio Humphrey, Vince McMahon, Sal Fasano, Ash Ketchum, Dwyane Wade, Yao Ming, Peyton Manning, Bo Jackson,Shawn Johnson, Jimmie Johnson, Michael Phelps, Ya mum
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| Undead Committee: Bob Barker, Timmy Turner, Dracula, French people, Fidel Castor, Ganondorf, King Boo, Michael Jackson, Ralph Nader, Skeletor, Freddy Krueger, Barbara Walters, Simon Cowell, Ozzy Osbourne, Hugh Hefner, Furby, Roger Ebert, Larry King, Mick Jagger, Mr. Stingray, Ku Klux Klan, Brian Peppers, Jason, Irwin's Ghost, Mad TV, Cthulhu
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| The Remaining Reprobates: Segata Sanshiro, Black Mage, Dr. Evil, Evil Pizza, Artemis Fowl, Fog, Maozilla, The Koopa Kids, Carlos Mencia, Your mom, Steve Ballmer, Gayzilla, Bill Gates, Baby Seals, Kobe, Dr. Claw, Platypus, Wario the Quario, Swansea, Bubs Concession Stand, Yao Ming,Wikipedia, Santa Claus, Spyro the Dragon, Barney, Michelle Malkin, Erin Esurance, Claude Speed, Bob Barker, Jack Thompson, Apple computers, Osama Bin Laden, You, Kim Possible, Steve Jobs
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Capitol: Rockport, Texas
