Pauline Hanson
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“The only thing uglier than her is Julia Gillard”
~ Kevin Rudd on Pauline Hanson
“The trout knows the price of everything and the value of nothing”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pauline Hanson
“Please explain.”
~ Pauline Hanson on Everything
“A female dracula if there was ever one”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pauline Hanson
“Thou shalt not take fashion advice from Pauline Hanson”
~ God on God's 11th Commandment
“This is Australia and if the Aboriginals dont like it, they can go back to where they came from.”
~ Pauline Hanson on Aboriginal Peoples
Pauline Hanson was born a man and later had a sex-change to become a woman. She/he is one of Australia's least successful political figures. She won the hearts and votes of many Australians with her progressive policies on Aboriginals, illegal immigrants, and turtle neck sweaters. She is currently married to a man named Andrew.
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[edit] Early life
Pauline Hanson began her life as a rainbow trout in the Pacific Ocean. She spent her days looking after her roe, eating plankton and selling nuclear weapons to unsuspecting sea cows. She was also the conductor of an underwater symphony orchestra.
In 1965 BC, she was caught in the fish net stockings of Australian fisherman Nicole Kidman, who sold Ms Hanson to a small fish and chip shop in XXXXland. She was soon promoted, and became the owner of the shop. She worked there for 3958 years (during which time she evolved into something vaguely resembling a human, but not to be mistaken for an actual human), building up her takeaway empire until the floorspace in her shop reached across 90% of Queensland's Sunshine Coast.
It was then that Pauline Hanson decided to begin a new life in Politics. With her gills flapping in the wind, she marched into the Australian Parliament with her army of educated fleas, declaring herself Lord of All Humans.
[edit] Politics
Pauline brought the issue of the terrible plight of the oppressed minority of "White People" who were rapidly losing their culture in the Asianisation and Aboriginalisation of Queen'sland. Her reason for her harsh immigration laws was that since terrible people (namely aboriginals) had come to her white land, planted an aboriginal flag, declared it Queen Cathy Freeman country and shot all her family and friends while they were simply enjoying the dreamtime, that immigration should now be as punishable as drinking a VB without a stubby holder (read:death penalty). New rights were declared for the seemingly neglected White People, so that they were not overrun by blacks, asians or muslims, the bloodthirsty invaders of the great nation of Australia. She claimed it was time for the White People of the country to stand up to all the soulless monsters (Asians), infidels (Muslims) and dark-skinned devils (Blacks) who already accounted for almost 1.5% of the population, shunning their foolish requests for land, free speech and basic human rights. It was time for Australia to be delivered back to the hands of the "Sunburnt People of This Sunburnt Nation".
By 1999, 96.3% of Australians had already accepted Pauline Hanson as their "personal savior" for her contributions to the misunderstood "White Supremacy" movement. So they held a referendum to abolish the constitution, paving the way for an Australian Republic lead by the only the most pasty and sunburnt.
But in the end, the 'NO' campaign, led by John Howard and Queen Victoria proved triumphant in the referendum. Their winning strategy involved informing 70% of Australians that rainbow trout belong in the ocean, not in positions of power in the Australian government. They also accused Hanson of being a racist country girl who needed a good beating. In the end, John Howard, the Queen and Pauline Hanson had a threesome to settle their differences and have since become good friends.
[edit] The Assault on Parliament House
The people of Australia, realising that they had been made fools of by Pauline Hanson, quickly retaliated by launching a full scale attack on Parliament House in Canberra, where Hanson had gone into hiding with her army of educated fleas. Flea bombs were thrown through the windows eradicating her defences, and a brigade of fishermen, led by Nicole Kidman cast their lines in, eventually luring Hanson out with live bait- A person of ethnicity she hadn't yet completely insulted.
This signified the end of both Pauline Hanson's Career, and her life as a highly evolved Rainbow Trout. Law and Order soon returned to Australian television, and the people were disgusted and the lack of quality entertainment on television these days.
She also started the Ku Klux Clan is Australia.
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
