Pavel Chekov
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
 | The Weaselness of this article or section may be compromised by Weasel Words. You can help Uncyclopedia by balkanizeing this. |
Pavel "Nuclear Wessels" Chekov, owner of the world's largest record collection, was a cast member of the extremely successful science fiction series Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. He is also a transexual and occasionally becomes a woman. When a woman, he is known by the less Russian name Katie Holmes.
Contents |
[edit] Early Life
Chekov was born to Oscar Wilde and Davy Jones on November Twelfth, 1955. He then killed Jones and stole his hair. Ashamed, Wilde threw Pavel into a nucular reactor, only to have Chekov return nine years later and rip one of Wilde's eight arms off. This didn't prevent Wilde from writing his plays and boring novels, nor did it stop Chekov from becoming an actor, which just goes to show, doesn't it?
[edit] Acting
Chekov turned to acting when he realised prostitution was probably illegal and every military school rejected him on grounds of 'being too awesome'. Chekov donned his mother's wig and stepped calmly into the role of Billy The Werewolf in Gene Rodenberry's hit comedy musical The Vietnam War before being accepted for his most famous role - that of German agent Walter Koenig in Buffy in 1976.
[edit] Buffy
According to the other actors, Chekov was a difficult man to get along with, probably because of his insitence that he be paid in hickory nuts. He also mandated that all his costumes had to be in pristine condition, as he was terrified that squirrels would hunt him down and mug him, presumably to steal aforementioned hickory nuts.
Playing Walter Koenig was a change for Chekov. Instead of the usual Southern accent he put on when acting, Rodenberry instructed him to spend seven months in a Soviet Russian prison camp. This not only helped Chekov get a perfect accent, it also served as an inspiration for Rodenberry's next musical, A Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovitch.
Chekov's best friend on screen was the sardonic computer Seth Green, played by Tom Welling, but in reality the two couldn't communicate, as Welling could only speak Swahili naturally. (He had his lines fed to him via Rodenberry mouthing the words, which Welling would copy, later to be dubbed by William Shatner.)
[edit] After Buffy
Since Buffy was cancelled after thirty-seven seasons due to lack of initial interest, Chekov went on to his short-lived spin-off show, Silver Spoons, in which Walter Koenig and his faithful dog Bones McKoy would have adventures throughout time. This, too, was cancelled, then restarted due to high DVD sales, a feat all the more remarkable for the fact that not only had the network only aired one episode, but the DVD hadn't been invented yet.
The network was eager for more, but Chekov abandoned the idea of such a show when Uhara tracked him down and told him if he continued, she would shoot him in the groin. Chekov didn't dare start the show again, as his groin was very tender since his transgendering operation.
He then promptly died. Go figure.
[edit] Movie List
Here is a partial list of movies Chekov appeared in:
- The Hey, Mister Funny series
- The How'd You Do, Guvnor series (with Sir Micheal Caine
- I Love The Nucular Wessels
- Bongos For Buster
- Mr Keating Goes To France, cameo as Earnest The Whoremonger
- Bats In Space
- Pies!
- Wonkjiblybuttoons
- And, of course, the highly popular Smetge series of alcohol advertisements/spy thrillers.
