Pear of Anguish

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This article may not be suitable for all audiences. This article contains content not suitable for people with the brain of a person under 14 inches (35.5cm) tall or TransVestites.

This article is very scary, and may cause : The heads of young children to asplode Bald men who are over 50 to lactate much more than usual, then implode Your genitals to remove themselves from your body and run away, then explode Your heart to jump out and attack you, then blow up. You to grow another penis, then detonate

You should stop reading it. Then kick your computer away and go make some nice tea. If that doesn't stop the effect, then go on foot to Mount Everest and jump, or erupt.

Contents 1 The Pear 2 History 3 The Pearer 4 Pearing At School 5 Pearing Manual 6 Collateral Effects 7 How can I protect myself from the Pear? 8 The PLA 9 People and the Pear 10 See Also

[edit] The Pear

The Pear of Anguish is a medieval torture device created by Oscar Wilde in 123 A.C. to torture Wikipedians.The Pear of Anguish consited of A pear-shaped like metal instrument, with a rotating device on its top. It can be introduced in the victim's ass, mouth, nose, ears, vaginas, eyes and belly botton, but the PENIS is the most popular target. The Pear is divided in four lobules,And when the rotating device is...uh...rotated, The Lobules spread, one in each direction, opening the cavity, thus making its removal impossible. Even though the Agony is worse than being roundhouse kicked in the nuts by Chuck Norris, some perverts love it. That's why they created the PLA (Pear Lovers Annonymous).

[edit] History

The Pear of Anguish was first used by Uncyclopedia's army,but then everybody started to want it.So they started to producing Pears(As it was nicknamed)to the population.The Pear was a world-wide success and It was massively produced.Soon Everybody had a Pear to call its own.Pearings were just a part of everyday life.You neighboor's dog pooped in your garden?Pear them both!A guy steped on your foot?Pear the bastard!You want to have fun?Pear a nun! The Pear started then to evolve.First there was the Pear with 8 lobules.Then the motorized rotation Pear,Followed by the 20 yards ass opening Pear.The most advenced Pear is now the Mecha-Pear,the Pear that's also MP3 player,DVD player,has internet connection,a cofee maker,a bubble gum maker machine,a teleporting device,Pig's fat producer and a Skimpy outfit.Unfortunately someone was dumb enough to try to Pear God.The Dumb guy failed miserably.God then banned the Pear from the bible,which made a lot of christians to change their religion.But then The Pearer came along and Peared Everybody,forcing God(He also hates masturbation and sex,so we don't care)to unban the Pear.But God still hates the Pear(He also hates masturbation and sex,so we don't care).Now you can buy the Pear on E-Bay.

[edit] The Pearer

This Guy went against God and Peared innocent people on the streets for absolute no reason at all.He is considered a Hero of the World.He was born out of the hatred of those who were Peared.But for some odd reason,He loved the Pear.So he Pears pretty much everything he sees.He is still out there.

[edit] Pearing At School

After the unbanning of the Pear,Pearing became a mandatory school subject,and later,a course in the university.So now you can go ahead and graduate in Pearology.

[edit] Pearing Manual

Here we teach you how to Pear.

Pearing Other People:

• 1:Grab the Pear
• 2:Choose the victim(If you are a begginer,It's strongly recommended to Pear Emos or Goths)
• 3:Tie the victim
• 4:Laugh at the victim's face and fuck the victim
• 5:Choose a hole(The ass is strongly recommended by professionals)
• 6:Introduce the Pear into the victim's hole
• 7:Laugh a lil more
• 8:Open the Pear.

Congratulations,you just Peared someone!

Pearing Yourself:(For the homos that enjoy this stuff)

• 1:Grab The Pear
• 2:Close your eyes
• 3:Introduce the Pear in the chosen cavity
• 4:Open it

Congratulations,you just peared yourself!......freak

[edit] Collateral Effects

If you've been Peared there are some Collateral Effects:

• Your peared hole will hurt
• You'll get a headache
• If it's in the ass, you won't be able to contain your poop
• You'll be depressed
• You may get addicted
• You may sing "It's Raining Men" for no reason
• You may lose your soul
• You will get stoned

• Higher voice
• You will lose your balls
• You will die in a couple days. Bummer.
• Your pet will hate you. If you don't have a pet, Everybody will hate you
• You will fail at life
• You will pour melted cheese from your ass

And there's nothing you can do about it.

[edit] How can I protect myself from the Pear?

You can't.The Pear is too Powerfull.

[edit] The PLA

The PLA,Pear Lovers Annonymous,Was created by Adolf Hitler in 1940.He loved to take the Pear and wanted to spread the love all over the world.All of the Nazi's were Pear Lovers.

Current Pear Lovers Annonymous Members:

• George W Bush
• Luiz Inacio Lula Da Silva(Brazil's Prez)
• Bill Gates
• Micheal Moore
• Osama Bin Laden
• Chewbacca
• Ronald McDonald
• All of the Smurfs
• Tony Blair
• Daffy Duck
• The Pope
• Harry Potter
• Chuck,The Killer Toy
• Britney Spears
• All of the Power Rangers
• Sponge Bob Square Pants
• Pacman
• Hello Kitty
• Saddam Hussein(Since He is hanging somewhere in Middle East,we scratched him from the list)

[edit] People and the Pear

Here are lists of How people interact with The Pear of Anguish

People that are immune to the Pear

• Willy Wonka

People that are afraid of the Pear

• Everybody else except for PLA members

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Pear of Anguish.

[edit] See Also

• Furbies(They are the only thing in the world worse than the Pear)
• Castration(I did it and i strongly reccomend)
• Oscar Wilde(He is the creator of the Pear for Oscar's sake!)