Peasant

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Help, help I'm being repressed!”

~ A Peasant on life

Peasant folk sayings tend to be plain, common-sense aphorisms.

[edit] Definition

A Peasant is a member of the working class, known for their idyllic and carefree lifestyle. The most notable characteristics of peasants are their European nature, which accounts for their English country accents, and the fact that evil bad guys always seem to be able to kill them in droves. Despite their life of hard labor, peasants are remarkably vigorous folk, and are always up for a festival, witch burning, or revolution against the bourgeoisie. They also tend to be good sports about everything, especially when the wealthier classes of society need someone to oppress or a village to burn down, or when there aren't enough plague victims for the local government to get federal medical funds for the district.

Of course, not all peasants are alike, and there are many distinct differences between peasants of different cultures. However, there is one thing all peasants have in common: they are always on fire, and they smell like shit.

[edit] Uses

Peasants are used for all sorts of things, weather raising an army or disposing of cake, the Peasant should be your first choice.
The list is endless.

Constructing Farms and Town Centers.
Moving dirt from place to place.
Debating the ethics of a Neo-Objective world-view.
Herding sheep.
Cannon Fodder

[edit] Peasant life

The life of a peasant involves farming, getting dirt on their faces, and dying dramatic deaths that look impressive on film. Common folk wisdom is how peasants like to communicate to the outside world, often saying things like:

"Don't go looking for trouble and no trouble will come to you."

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"The tax collector took everything I own, so my family has been living on manure stolen from the landlord's estate."