Peckham
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Welcome to Peckham. Famous for the murder of Damilola Tailor and not much else.
“Cam on Rodders get the case you blady plonka”
~ Delboy on Peckham
Contents |
[edit] Location
In between New Cross and Camberwell. New Cross is a bunch of gays. Also like gay Dulwich is to the south where they is all gays and batty boys. And to the North you got that big scary demolished estate till you get to the Old Kent Road, named after old Ken Troad who built it..
Entering Peckham is not as easy as it would seem. The borders of Peckham are marked by ten foot high electric fenses at 10,000 volts (they are the same fenses in the epic movie Jurrasic Park, some of which was filmed on set in Peckham).
[edit] Language
The main language of Peckham is 'Peckhamish' - a dialectic cross between olde English, Jamaican and sign language. It is not spoken elsewhere.
[edit] Religion
People really dont shut up about Jesus here, the type of Jesus with crazy healing powers and a bit of weird african mummbo jumbo thrown it. It is a well known fact that Jesus Christ will be reincarnated in Peckham sometime between the year 0 and January 4th 2008 A.D. - which the residents wait for in anticipation in the hope of boosting the local tourist trade.
94.3% of all buildings in Peckham are churches. 2% are crack houses and the remaining 3.7% are Hostels of sorts.
[edit] Attractions
Peckham has many features which make it attractive to not only those in London, but the whole of Eastern Europe as well.
- Its annual rape fest (Every summer).
- Live 'Murder yee Wrote' - where you play the detective on a real life murder (daily).
- The Local Primark also draws millions of devout pilgrims to Peckham.
[edit] Military Strength
The Peckham Boys have around 200 hoodlums. (Good work lads!)
[edit] Mobile Phones
It is estimated that 87% of London's stolen mobile phones end up in Peckham...so much so that on walking through the High Street it is possible to pick up 483MHz of radiation which will make you sterile and glow in the dark.
[edit] Human Rights Abuses
Peckham Job Centre (centre of the dispised local regime) has had a long history of cutting peoples welfare benefits, meanwhile local weirdo Christian witchdoctors have gone around chopping up 5 year old boys claiming they have endoki!
[edit] History
Peckham was first explored by British explorer Sir David Frost. He found the local local fat women with their tasteful blond wigs and nails would make an excellent hareem. It has been suggested that Peckham was although founded by the Romans, Emperor Hadrian was recorded to have written in his diary of discovering a 'shitticus wholeicus' (latin) near Londoninium.
[edit] Transport
Peckham doesn't have a tube station. Apartently god put some sort of curse on the people of Peckham so they shallst wonder the earth for all eternity. Or get on a bendy bus! "What the fuck is a bendy bus?" I shall explain!
[edit] Bendy Bus
A bendy bus is really long bendy bus in London with no ticket inspectors or anyone stopping you getting on or off. They are the perfect way for any crackhead to travel. In Peckham 2 bendy buses routes pass through, therefore making Peckham the absolute Devils Town for those wanting a free night out!
[edit] Education
Peckham has got a big libary. It won awards for its ability to appeal to the locals with its "Gang Rape" section. Also the local the local failing high school was sold off to become a sweatshop, making uniforms for more successful schools.
[edit] Famous Residents
- Darth Vader
- Jack the Ripper
- Jack the Ripper's mother
- Stalin
- Del Boy / Rodney
- Adolf Hitler
- Reggie the Pimp
- Prince Rudolphus the Goat
- Che Guevara
- Kathleen Francis Chiz (who's second counsin's, best friends, neighbours wife, was the aunt, twice removed of Colonel Sanders - the KFC man).
 | Places of Interest | London Bridge | Tower Bridge | Mornington Crescent | River Thames | London Eye | Big Ben | Houses of Parliament | House of Lords | Scotland Yard | Thames Ditton | Surbiton | Buckingham Palace | Millennium Dome | British Museum | 10 Downing Street |
| Places of Disinterest | Isle of Dogs | High Holborn | Hackney Empire | BBC Studios | Peckham | |
| People of Interest | Queen of England | Chelsea Pensioners | Prime Minister | |
| Culture and Education | London Symphony Orchestra | University College London | Cockney-English dictionary | St. Chav's Cathedral | Wimbledon | London F.C. | British Library | |
| Getting Around | London Underground | London Overground | Tube | London Bus | Hackney Cab |
