Peer
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Peer's gonna buttfuck ya!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Peer
Contents |
Edward Peer is this annoying guy who hangs out on IRC. He has connections with the Masters of the Internet so his name is always hidden from the user lists in channels. When someone least expects it, Peer jumps out and resets their connections. An example of such a happening:
<wacky> bob did you see my link? <Bob> heh <Bob> yes <wacky> heh * AgentSpork` Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
Needless to say Peer is fairly unpopular among IRC users, but because of his power, no one speaks out against him. However sometimes Peer can be very helpful. An example:
<h4x0rj4ck> 1 w1ll h4x0r j00! <DiverDan> yeah k whatever <h4x0rj4ck> wh4t 1s j00r ip adrses???!?!11 <DiverDan> press that little 'X' in the upper right of your screen to find out <h4x0rj4ck> h4ha j00 w1ll b3 0wnz0red!! * h4x0rj4ck Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
In this example, Peer just saved naive DiverDan from a potential hacking attempt by an experienced hacker. Good work Peer!
While he may appear to disconnect users indiscriminately, he is just doing his job. So please remember to admire and respect Peer, and stand clear while he bans abusers from the internet.
Occasionally, it is claimed that a little Mexican kid with wire cutters reset the connection. This is false. No one but Peer can actually do this. Anyone who tells you differently will be promptly disconnected by Peer.
[edit] Contacting Peer
Peer cannot be messaged by normal means. For example typing "/msg Peer yo what's up?" will result in an error when IRC pretends Peer doesn't exist. Instead you must use the /quit command to contact peer. Example usage: "/quit Peer hey buddy what's happening?"
Another, unconfirmed, way to contact Peer is using the keycombination Alt-F4.
[edit] Who Is Peer?
Peer No such nick/channel
[edit] P2P
P2P or Peer To Peer is a slang term used on IRC to mock a user who is especially abused by Peer (it means he keeps going to Peer even though Peer is actually coming to him). An example:
* ProducePete Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) * ProducePete has joined #hehe * ProducePete Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) * ProducePete has joined #hehe * ProducePete Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer) * ProducePete has joined #hehe <4rni3> you're going from p2p haha <ProducePete> stfu * ProducePete Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
[edit] Outside Of The Internet
Peer rarely leaves his place on IRC. However the few times he does, he wreaks havoc in the real world. He is the main reason why kids smoke pot and drink alcohol. He puts the children under what scientists call peer pressure, which is the emotional pressure from Peer to be cool. However since Peer rarely leaves the internet, very few children have had to experience Peer Pressure and even fewer do drugs.
[edit] Peer in Norwegian mythology
Peer is the most distinct character in the ancient Norwegian mythology and religion, and people who make fun of him while visiting Norway will soon be dead.
Norwegians have given Peer the honorary title of Peer Gynt (meaning "Überpeer" in the Norwegian language). That is also the title of a famous play by the Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen. It can be considered as a bittersweet play about a Norwegian anti-hero, who wants to restore the honour and wealth his father had lost, but gets lost in the IRC, where he idles around doing mostly nothing. He is involved in a fight and later becomes an outlaw. He also becomes a Bedouin chief and a prophet. (In the Norwegian brand of Islamism, Peer Gynt is actually held to be a prophet of such great respect, that high priest Kjell Magne Bondevik has declared resetting people's connections to be an alternative to blowing up public transportation vehicles.)
He also tries to seduce Foucault and ends up confined in a madhouse in the People's Republic of Canada. Then he somehow makes his way back to Norway, where he utters his most famous phrase: "Om jeg hamrer eller hamres; likefullt så skal der jamres!" (Translation: "Whether I pound or am being pounded; all the same there'll be whining")
These words in fact served as the constitution of Svalbard during the years 1943-45 when Henrik Ibsen, jealous of Mussolini's Salo republic, used that territory to establish a short-lived Surrealist dictatorship. It was also there that Edvard Grieg composed his musical tribute to Peer Gynt, that has become an all-time classic. Songs like Morgenstemning ("Morning Errrect1on") starting the first suite, and In the Hall of the Mountain King reappeared in numerous arrangements, soundtracks, etc.
[edit] Peer's Early Life and Education
Peer is the only known survivor of the brotherhood Grammar. He attended the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and graduated with eleven Outstanding N.E.W.T.s, and one Acceptable N.E.W.T. (in Blind Pig Spinning, a class he was never very good at). Peer has a long list of credentials including doctoral degrees from Harvard, Yale, MIT and Cambridge, where he studied Divinity at Robinson College. Peer's closest friends are Death, Tom Jones, Chuck Norris and Oscar Wilde.
[edit] Ways to summon Peer
There are many, many ways in which to summon the wrath of Peer. They include, but are not limited to:
- Having a shitty router. He's helping you out, you know.
- Using a loser firewall
- Talkin' shit about Peer's momma [1]
- Saying CHAWKLIT REIGN over and over again. It's not funny anymore, shut the fuck up.
- The phrase "DCC SEND" followed by text enrages Peer to the point of no return. If you use it, Peer will appear and start resetting the connections of everyone in the channel. And then an ircop will probably g:line you.
[edit] Etymological Misunderstandings
- Peer is not short for Peter
- Peering, as in "I was peering into her bathroom window," should be thought of as pee-ring and not as peer-ing (which is not a word)
- Peer is not a fruit
- Peer is not the guy that goes around urinating on things. That's Peeer (pronounced like "Pierre", except with the accent on the first syllable).
[edit] Criminal Charges
Peer is wanted on multiple criminal charges:
- Stalking Oscar Wilde
- Resetting George Bush's connection
- Resetting the Star Fox team's connection
- Creating the Blue Screen of Doom
- Peer pressuring kids into becoming terrorists
[edit] See Also
[edit] Don't See
[edit] References[citation needed]
 Featured Article
| Featured version: 23 October 2005 |
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
| |
