Pegasus
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 Unicorn BashingThis Article might not be appropriate to those who own a unicorn and/or try to establish a political career.
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| Pegasus | |
|---|---|
| |
| Kingdom | Serbia
note that the picture above shows a full grown, male pegasus |
| Phylum | Feel-Oooohm!1 |
| Class | imperial class star destroyer |
| Order | superior to unicorns |
| Family | winged fairytale created when God was on Crystal meth |
| Genus | genius |
| Species | ''Überhorse'' |
| Binomial Name | Winged Groundhog |
| Primary Armament | unbelievable superiority to unicorns |
| Secondary Armament | awsomeness |
| Power Supply | not able to puke |
| HP: | insert strange unicode characters here |
| Mana Points: | equals the MP of a retard kid with a dog's liver as a brain |
| Strength: | 8W27 |
| Intelligence: | Stephen Hawking's roommate |
| Weight | 2 metres of country line |
| Length | $ |
| Special Attack | told to be superior to unicorns |
| Conservation Status | foobar |
“After I saw one of these, I sent my unicorn to the Pony Slaystation!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pegasus- Editor's Note: According to a dwarf tied to a donkey, Oscar Wilde was misquoted here. Since the Pony Slaystation was not invented during the lifetime of Wilde, he might have a point. However, Oscar Wilde was aware of the superiority of Pegasi none the less.
“Pegasi!!!1”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pegasus- Editor's Note: Due to a crappy phone connection, the rest of the quote ist lost. A class-action lawsuit against AT&T is running.
“I'm making a glorified cameo!”
~ Maximillion Pegasus on himself
Contents |
[edit] Extinct?
Contrary to popular opinion, the Pegasi aren't extinct. In fact, the species still can be spotted in Serbia, Croatia, the UDSSR, the Vatican and Dee Sniders Foregarden. The Pegasi are a highly endangered species, since their epic battles against nuclear dragons and similar creatures. Note that Pegasi are far superior to Unicorns.
[edit] Ridiculous Plural form of Pegasus, Pegasi
In the late 990BC, the empire of the Pegasi reached its climax, and so did the APP (Anti Pegasi Party). However, since the absolute majorty of the APP members were unicorns, the only thing they reached in their struggle was to replace the far cooler plural form "Pegasusse" (remembering to the german roots of the word) by the unpronounceable Pegasi, faking a latin root.
[edit] Superiority to Unicorns
Really superior. One Pegasus can eat up to 12 unicorns before its actual breakfast of pixies. Seriously.
[edit] Connection to the Kennedy Assassination
Since the wide spread theory that Kennedy was a unicorn has been proven wrong by famous mathematician Pythagoras of Samos as well as the famous Greek inventor Testicles, any connection between the Pegasi and the Kennedy assassination is considered to be very unlikely.
[edit] Pegasus Wings
There are many theories in circulation on what the wings are made of and how Pegasi got the wings. Several wrong assumptions:
- The Pegasi Wings are made of baby skin.
- This is wrong. This assertion was made by video game hero Kirby after he had been doing lines of coke.
- The Pegasi are a crossbreed of angels and horses. So their wings are made of the same substance as angel wings are, namely fleece and feathers.
- This is wrong. See Evolution of the Pegasi.
- The Pegasi received their wings during a Pepsi commercial.
- This is wrong. The winged horses you saw in the, now in several states banned, Pepsi commercial were unicorns with angel wings stapled to their bodies, after having their horns cut. These fake Pegasi were eaten by the real Pegasi just after the commercial.
- I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- This is right though. Inquiries how this could have slipped in a list of wrong facts are already started. Note that Pegasi are far superior to unicorns.
[edit] The Evolution of the Pegasi
As mentioned in this strange box on the right side of your screen (unless you are a leftie of course, then you'll find the box on the left side of your screen), the Pegasi are a creation/accident of God in his youth. He was super high on Crystal meth and antifreeze as the mishap happened. Doing the hardest moonshine with his drinking buddies (according to well informed sources, i.e. some linear algebra professors), His just brewn Groundhog With Hooves Elixir fell into His Toucan Lotion. This accident led to one of His most brilliant creations.
[edit] Closing commentaries to the Pegasi
“They are truly superior.”
~ Unicorn on the superiority of Pegasi
“I shouldn't drink cleaning solvent that often.”
~ One of God's drinking buddies on Pegasi
“ph34r!1”
~ A Pegasus on Pegasi
“They're fine, but they aren't unicorns”
~ The Deluded Sims on Pegasi
[edit] See also
Categories: Zoology | Oscar Wildeizms | Animals | UnBestiary | Horses
