Pen
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“The pen is mightier than the sword... hee hee, "pen-is".”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Pen
“The pen is mightier than the sword... only if the sword is very evry small... and the pen is very very sharp.”
~ Plato on the Pen
“Fuck you.”
~ Pencils on Pens
Pens are hella kewl. Seriously. In fact, fourth sector reports this year confirm that they are amongst the five most used implements by modern rappers. Oscar Wilde was right, you know; the pen is TRULY mightier than the sword. The pen can kill a swordfighter any day, and then bitch-slap its own mother the next.
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[edit] Internal Structure of the Pen
A pen is made up of four (4) sections:
- The Eye is the most deadly part of the pen, capable of puncturing holes in even the the strongest of stainless steel. The eye of the pen was discovered in 1975 when it was used by Stephen King to kill George Washington.
- The Verdent Limit is the centre of the pen, and is the only known cause of cancer.
- The Barrel is the main section of the pen, and is used as a container of powerful poison. This was used by space aliens to make Lamingtons to seel to Earth.
- The Poptop is the cap of the pen, and has recently been discovered to be electric in nature, causing instant death upon touching.
[edit] Pens, re: Justice
Taking a pen to justice really isn't the gravy train it's made out to be. You'll need hops, yards and a hella lotta cool. You may even need counselling. But one thing's for sure, and that's that the world of Justice becomes a damn scary place when you introduce it to pens, and pen-related items. When assaulted with a pen, make sure to report it to the proper authorities.
Then there was this one case, in 1962, when a mass suicide of butchers led to the incarceration of the then Pen Justice League, sentenced on three cases of Missing Apostrophe and two hundred cases of Allowing a Pen to Commit Mass Suicide. It was the single greatest football moment since old John Paul won the twelve sixty-two with a stolen iron finger.
[edit] Pens and Bacon
You might think pens have nothing to do with bacon, but you're wrong twice over. They have everything to do with bacon. Stop fucking around. And they have nothing to do with ham or any other form of pork, just bacon. Bacon comes into play when you need some inspiration when writing with a pen, like when you're deciding on what food your character will eat, you'll say "OMG he can eat BACON" and you'll know right then, it was BACON that gave you that idea.
[edit] The Deployment of Pens
Many people (mainly French) are confused about the actual deployment of the pen to form Bokanovisk Literdatisms, or letters. The pen should be wiped cleanly on a piece of toast. Afterwards, you should drink Ribena, and yell at the top of your voice the Hallsworth Football Anthem in a Portuguese accent. The words should instantly become legible and neatly typed up on this website. Diagram included.
[edit] Pens: In Closing
So, in closing, only grouch what's good for you. Seriously.
