Pen Island

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The only known existing postcard from an island which may or may not be somewhere in the general vicinity of Pen Island.

“Oh, I've been to Pen Island. Many, many, times.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pen Island and his already questionable sexuality

“hmm... I vacation there”

~ George Michael on Pen Island

“Pen Island..... Wait a minute, that spells-- AAAARRGGHH!!!!!!!”

~ Captain Obvious on Pen Island

Pen Island is the magical land of glorious writing utensils. Many skinny, smooth, ink- filled appendages fill this beautiful oasis of love. It is a mysterious and wonderful place that, like Atlantis, is believed to exist somewhere off the southern part of the western coast of a well known landmass. Well known. Though no mere commoners have been blessed with the pleasure of viewing its inky waters by its golden and perhaps milky-white shores, Nostradumbass predicted that the truth would someday be "unleashed" upon the world. Of course, any idiot could have easily predicted this. He just lived far enough in the past to predict such irrelevances first, and luckily, nobody cares.

1 History
2 Geography
3 Writing and Stuff
4 Relation to "Penis Land"
5 Important Notes
6 External Links

[edit] History

It happened to this guy, and it could happen to you, too. ~~Go to pen island~~ Stay away from pen island!

Discovered by a Russian exploration team in late 1972, its location remained known in only the short span of time that those involved lived. The information of its location remained undisclosed, but it may be one of the several islands used for nuke testing by the Communists. This nuclear energy could be what caused the excessive readiness of the pens to "ejaculate" all their ink.

Despite the uncertainty of its location, a small cult of followers known as "The Ones Of The Cummings" has evolved over the past several years. They are reachable at the website 'www.penisland.com'. Upon naming this website, it is impeccable that you ~~go to this website immediately~~ DO NOT GO TO THIS WEBSITE. The men in the black helicopters will come and take you away if you do!!

The last known attempt to contact "The Way" was made by Geoff Packajpackin. He soon came into the possession of powerful information which ROCKED THE FOUNDATIONS OF OUR VERY SOCIETY!! Or at least it would have, but on the night directly after the day he solved the riddle of life and returned the Jade Monkey to the Temple of the Sun (just in time for the full moon, too), he was involved in a freak accident involving large amounts of liquor, an escaped chimpanzee, and a glock handgun with the registry number scratched off. These occurrences have never been completely explained. Except that one time that they were explained. Ah, good times...

[edit] Geography

Aerial photo, taken by our secret spy satellite. Who are "we," you ask? Ask not, for in asking, you undo yourself....

The mighty forests of Pen Island, as depicted by an artist. A sick, twisted artist.

The geography of pen island is not well known, as the island is protected by an elaborate government conspiracy. Still, there are the sketchy testimonials of those who knew people who claimed to have seen the island. Or maybe just dreamed it. Wet dreamed, of course, due to the arousing nature of the mysteries of the island.

Most agree that the the southwestern "tip" or "head" of the island, as well as the extended, central "shaft," if you will (and I know I will), are dominated by the unique forests of pennish trees, which, by the nature of evolution, mirror the geography of the island itself. However, the more elevated, double-walnut-shaped "base" of the island is mostly made up of round, rocky hills, with a few coarse, curled, penish trees scattered about. The coasts of pen island are often irritated from the constant motion of the ocean, and are therefore usually rocky and raw.

[edit] Writing and Stuff

HA!! What's the sword mightier than now, bitch?

See main article: Pen

The pens of pen island are highly useful as writing utensils. Though often outclassed by cheaper and more erasable "pencils," pens will always be preferred by stupid English teachers, if shunned by gay math teachers. Other known uses of the pen include masturbation, suicide (yes you should), and killing that mean kid who messes with you. I know you asked him to stop, but he never hurt you! Why'd you kill him? That poor guy!! Oh well, I never really liked him anyway, and your actions have clearly demonstrated the well known fact that the pen, though not nearly as "mighty" as the sword, is more easily concealed and can be used as a weapon just as effectively.

[edit] Relation to "Penis Land"

You sick bastard. So typical, you're at a serious website, and your mind goes straight to the gutter.

You make me sick.

You know what? I don't even care. You had your chance to be a useful part of this website, you know, and you just went and blew it! Imagine if everyone on this website was the kind of person you were? There might be entire pages about Sex, Drugs, Satan, and all manner of things associated with that "devil music." And it's a damned good thing that there aren't any pages like that on this site. Now off to bed, it's almost 8:00, and if you don't hurry up, I won't have time to put on your chastity belt, and you might wind up in "Penis Land!"

[edit] Important Notes

Pen Island is also the name of an upcoming movie in which seven high school boys will play major roles. The plot will have them traveling to Pen Island to collect two of the "holy balls" to save them from the Government Conspiracy. Man, those balls must be pretty powerful... The full name of the movie is Pen Island: Lord of the Balls.

(Movie will be filmed sometime between now and... the end of time)

Also, there is no relation to either Oscar Wilde or Kitten Huffing ANYWHERE in this article!! WTF!?! Yeah that's right, how does that make you feel? Pretty bad, I bet! Go die, useless.