Pencil
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“2B or not 2B?”
~ William Shakespeare on the pencil
A pencil is an obscure torture device that was used commonly in Nigerian dungeons and temples of worship during the early 1800s. This practice has since died out due to a complete lack of prisoners since Nigeria is a pussy and doesn't start pointless, bloody wars with everyone else just because it can. The pencil (penciliuos polios) was also used as an early aged dildo, which could be sharpened and blunted for one's desire. This practice was soon ended due to painful splinters in unwanted areas. The pencil has such become less popular, and is now taken for granted. the pencil was first discovered by george wahington when he was cutting down a cherry tree he then came up with the idea of using the dick today known as the pencil to torture random people to make them become patriots. The pencil gets its name from William Penn, who originally called it a penncil.
The pencil's appearance is that of a small, skinny pole with one sharpened end. The opposite end is sometime blunt, but is more often capped by a pliant, pink protrusion. For use of the pencil as an obsure torturing device, one must first subdue the victim, usually accomplished by chaining said victim to a chair, and then administering a standardized test. This can come in various forms:
- SAT: Sadistic Anal Treatment
- PSAT : Pre-Sadistic Anal Traumitization
- ISTEP: Intravenous Salmonella Tranfusion Entry by Pencil
- GQE : Grotesque Questionnare Entries
- ACT : Armstrong Cerebral Tap, not to be confused with that one band
- WASL: Warhol Anal Sodomy Lock, invented by Andy Warhol and made popular by The Who, and more recently, Breaking Benjamin.
- IQ Intravenous Quaffle, As seen in Harry Potter
The pencil is closely related to the pen, but is much more malevolent. And it doesn't write in pretty colors.
SEE ALSO: Inanimate
[edit] The History and Legacy of the Pencil
In February 2004, an archaelogical expedition on 52nd Street in New york unearthed a most extraordinary find; the history of the pencil from the beginning of time. It was credited to a Jango Fett, whose name was recognized by his brother, Alphonse, but his body was found a day later with a pencil sticking out of a piece of paper jammed into his heart which read "That's what the eraser's for motherf*cker." By October, they had managed to translate as much as they could. This is the complete uncensored text from the Special Edition Unrated Director's Cut DVD. (widescreen)
"The reason it is important to have a pencil varies from many different reasons. The most simple and obvious one is that if I dont have it, a stronger, sexier person will."
but the other reason are extremely confusing and highly unlikely, so I will try to make it as plausible as I am humanly capable of.
The use of the pencil is very important to any to any civilization that plans to survive and have a recorded history so future generations can learn from mistakes from long in the past. Without the magnificent power of the pencil, we would be pushed back into an age of unimaginable darkness filled with emo people, dangerous to social life of the almost extinct paper spoons. The first accounts of the pencils were first written many years ago in a time of great dispair. Before the Milky Way galaxy had fully been formed.
The carbon atoms were greatly crushed together to create what is known today as graphite, the king of the pagans, which slowly formed in great mountains across the land. The graphite had a brittle like quality and its texture could be rubbed off on other objects to create markings, but there was nothing to control the supreme power of the great graphite markings. As more of it was formed, it rose further to the ground to combine with trees, which created a rush of graphite combined with the great magic of the wood. This, contrary to popular belief was the first major source of electricity. The great strength of the wood radiates all around us and is the cause of the male phenomena known as morning wood
Early people, or homosexuals, discovered this and found inventive, yet simple ways to use it and harness its power. The elders of the early villages declared it to be a phenomenon and the great invention was praised through out the land and soon came the writing which was used to make records of great happenings and as time passed the creatures of the planet became more intelligent. Ironically, these records of the great magic of the pencil were forgotten and the pencil became a simple annoyance of everyday life. As the creatures became more technologically advanced, the need for the pencil was lost. But some people became frustrated and infuriated that the pencil was no longer considered a tool of great remarkability. A group of people known only as te Elder Race for their advanced wisdom left the planet to learn and grow on their own terms and held the pencil high while doing so. As time passed on the planet, a religion among the people grew, and people known as Priests began and large temples were created and the priests reigned supreme above all other, and after many years, the use of the pencil was totally forgotten. People lived their lives on the planet not knowing the great joy of the pencil and of how dull their lives were without it. As the priests in the temple became more powerful, they soon controlled all forms of writing for the purpose of creating what they thought was the perfect world.
But of course, it wasn't. Their old darkness had come to talk with them again. They had turned blind eyes to cold and damp nights, and had touched the sound of a world without the glory of the pencil. Behind a waterfall, in a room hidden beneath a cave, a man found a long stick like object with a sharpened point. He did not know what it was. After time had passed, he began to learn how to use the pencil to create writing and drawings, and as time passed, they became more complicated, and he became more and more impressed by his discovery. He decided to show his discovery to the Priests of the Temples. As he showed them the object and what it could create, the priests became infuriated. Instead of great joy, they were disgusted. To them it was nothing new and a mere waste of time. One of the priests grabbed the pencil, and threw it to the ground, breaking it into pieces of yellow splinters.
That night, the man who discovered the pencil saw a vision of the planet long ago when people used the pencils to create great works of art and write tale upon tale of their stories and history. He saw how gifted minds discovered magnificent scientific finds using the device known as the pencil. He awoke, realizing it was all just a dream, and wondered what his life would be like if he lived in these times, and decided that he could not go on living this dull and pointless life. But soon the Elder Race returned to the planet totake what was theirs and restore the Order of the Pencil forever more."
