Penguin
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Long ago Penguins and Humans fought a war for the galaxy and after a thousand years of war with trillions dead humans did the unthinkable in a last desperate act - humans denied their enemy victory as remaining human forces fell back to earth and razed all their worlds using nukes and biochemical weapons and orbital bombardment. Humans won the P-Day Invasion only to fight a desperate battle against overwhelming odds. Only one inhabitable planet remains for humans - Earth, which the penguins now have a foothold on. We are now in a corner some say we put ourselves in.
The penguins, however, are not fools. They have studied other "galactic wars" and their research led them to one decision... they must hone their skills with the Light Saber in order to achieve their ultimate goal of victory over the human race, and eventually enslave us in their sanity vault. Only then shall they show us the true force of their stubby little hands.
Penguins are actually gay.
Penguin army
Penguin army marching.
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[edit] Penguin
This image of lightsaber training was captured by a midget in a tuxedo who had infiltrated the penguins ranks. He wanted to watch Pax Network there,originally]]
The penguin (also known as a polar bird) is a race of pure evil and darkness. They see humans as the only thing to stand against them, and they only wish death to humans. As humans, we are fighting a losing battle against them. Our only hope is to unite against them or we will fall.
Gansta penguins that pwn ppls in rap battles.
Warning: the Penguin Death Squad will hunt you down for reading this. I suggest you lock your doors and board up your windows. Oh, and watch your mail, television, radio, and other media output devices - the PDS has ways of getting to you, and into your mind.
First the Penguins came for the Communists -
But I was not a Communist
So I said nothing.
Then the penguins came for the Social Democrats -
But I was not a Social Democrat
So I did nothing.
Then they came for the Unionists -
But I was not a Unionist
So I did nothing.
Then the penguins came for the Jews
But I was not a Jew
So I did nothing.
Then the penguins came for me
And there was nobody left to stand up for me.
It is now that we as humans must stand and be strong. Long is the hour that man fights for peace. We have seen it, we have breathed it, and now we will live it! We all know that it is a privilege to be alive. It is a privilege to be free! Our fight is not for kingdom or country. It is not for spoils or financial gain. We will fight for that which matters most! Our freedom! Let this day be the day that we yell out from holy heaven to Earth! No penguin should be given pity nor remorse. We must hit them swiftly, and bluntly before they hit us again! So stand with me now brothers as I say this!
It is a privilege to fight!
…May Jesus bless you all
[edit] The Invasion
- Main article: Penguin Armies of Doom
Unfortunately for us, the massive penguin invasion has begun. The penguins have infiltrated various important places including the White House, NERV, the Great Wall of China, Switzerland and France (like it would help), as well as their home base of Youngstown and their civilian colony in Antarctica, which is used to help raise their numbers here on Earth. They have also taken over by force: Germany (where they were the true power behind Hitler, as well as the heads of the Nazi Allegiance), South Africa, France and Haiti. The UN has tried to stop it, but the penguins are a highly advanced and brutal race, with a plan for global, if not galactic, domination.
[edit] The Milky Way War
Penguins began their invasion of the Milky Way because their galaxy was destroyed by civil war.They built massive ships and left for a new home. They arrived in the our galaxy just when we humans thought our great wars were over for good. Faced with an unimaginably savage and technologically advanced enemy, the human worlds soon began to fall almost without opposition, due to the fact that the humans had no real military force to stand up to the penguin onslaught.
The humans eventually built a fleet of ships and a ground force but, due to poor leadership and morale, the humans suffered many defeats. Then, one day Jesus appeared before their failing troops and, under his leadership, victory soon seemed certain. That is, until he was captured by the Penguin Death Squad (PDS). No one knows what happened to him, and no one has seen him since. Shortly after Jesus's capture (and possible torture and violent murder, considering the heartless tendencies of his captors) the penguins began to recapture all the worlds retaken by the humans during their rise back to power. Not too soon after, the humans were backed into a corner, facing certain defeat. It was then that the human military leaders decided to do what they do best - destroy everything. To prevent the takeover of their worlds by the penguins, the humans destroyed countless planets, military bases, and civilian cities. If an evacuation was ever posted in these doomed civilizations is now unknown.
Currently all that remains of the human interstellar civilization is a few habitable planets, one of which is Earth, the planet on which we currently reside. We humans now await the return of Jesus, to save us in our time of dire need, and end the penguin's constant invasion assault on our civilizations.
[edit] Penguin Spyware
In their constant attempt to destroy all humanity and rule the earth, penguins have developed special mind control spyware, designed to control your mind, in case you haven't figured that out. They would place this spyware into regular stores, and when someone bought it, it would be activated and the person would soon become yet another penguin minion. Such spyware includes stuffed animals, movies (March of the Penguins, Happy Feet, Surf's Up), and sardines. You must be careful with anything that seems related with penguins in any way, shape, or form.
[edit] Morgan Freeman
After starring in the film March, Walk, Death, Meal, or You Know Whatever of da Penguins, suspicious reports authored by his evil brother Matthew Lesko about the theory that Morgan Freeman invented the sandwich, ate Jim Carrey, disguised himself as Jimmy Hoffa, and WAS in fact a penguin himself created by The Shredder to destroy the Oprah Virus began to circle around the globe. In 1992 he murdered George Clooney in a Burger King restaurant using French fries and confirmed his Penguinicity to the public. Politics on this schedule must be baked by the computer of the devil to become cookies.
[edit] Enemies
The Enemies f these muthafucka cuntrashzzz are jeffery Cribbinat0r, Your dads fat cock, Olive Oil, Microsoft sam, sam eiso, chuck Norris, fireflies and victor russinno becoz hes a fuckhead muthafuckin satan cunt who deserves 2 be shanked in the face koz hes a shit cunt who guzzles his own kum n jax off 2 devil porn.
[edit] History of Penguins
Penguins are an ancient race whose origins are mostly unknown, but it is speculated that they were brought into existence at the dawn of time. Recorded Penguin history begins with the rise of the Penguin Empire which is still the existing penguin government headed by their immortal dark lord. Long ago, when penguins first developed space travel, they began to invade and take over of all the nearby planets. Countless civilizations were exterminated in this process. Once the penguins dominated their galaxy, there was no one left to fight (except the french) so they turned on themselves. After years of civil war, their great and powerful empire was virtually erased from any significant form of existence.Until a new penguin cult emerged. Their only goal was to find a new home because much of their galaxy was destroyed. They built a massive fleet and set a course for the Milky Way. And so it began.
[edit] Lord Guin
All penguins worship the master penguin a living god known as Lord Guin. He was brought into existence at the birth of all time. He created his evil race in his image with all of his hatred of humans put in them. They worshiped him as a god and his power grew soon he grew to dominate the artic galaxy but a splinter group emerged from the penguins and a civil war erupted but they were crushed in a matter of months but in doing so much of there galaxy was destroyed so penguins set fourth to conquer unknown galaxies and so it began. Lord Guin would meet his match when he invaded the milky way he seen humans as the only thing that could stop him humans fought fiercely under living god amongst humans known as Jesus stood in his way of galactic domination but unfortionately he was captured and put to death or so Lord Guin thought but he was foolish Jesus never truly died and we await his return.
[edit] The Savior Jesus
After his brutal death in this plane at the hands of lord guin he returned to his higher plane and he is building his power to return with the lost fleet. A great battle will occur on earth that will determin the fate of the galaxy Jesus and lord guin will do battle the armies of humans and penguins will engage in there finale battle. The battle will destroy much of the planet and blood will flow but penguin will lose, as Jesus slays Lord Guin and he will begin to rebuild the human interstellar civ and the seat of this new empire will be Earth. Then he will give mankind his belssing to set fourth to conqer the stars and mercilesly exterminate remaining penguins as they did humans. Then the universe will fall under the iron fist of Jesus.
And if jesus don't come then we better hope global warmin' pwns all dem stupid birds.
[edit] See also
- Evil Penguins
- Unbooks:Diary of a Penguin
- Penguinism
- Club Penguin
- Imperial Penguin Army
- Iron Penguin
- Penguinmanic
- March of the Penguin Brothers
- Morbidly Obese Penguin
- Penguin Armies of Doom
- Penguinja
- Star-bellied penguins
- Giant Australian Penguin
- The Penguin Conspiracy.com
- Tuxedo
- Penguin after each Sentence
- Antarctica
- Kingdom of Antarctica
- Empire of Antarctica
- The Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica
- Penguin vs. Ice Bear war
- Penguins of the North
- Piplup
