Pennywise the Clown
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Pennywise the dancing clown is a well-known mass-murderer and pedophile. For a long time, he dwelled in a sewer and molested and ate children until he was defeated in a presidential election, and settled on handing out balloons at Neverland Ranch. After that, he changed his employment several times more before finally settling on being a Catholic priest.
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[edit] Birth of Pennywise the Clown
Pennywise the clown was crapped out by Hulk Hogan when Hulk was extremely drunk after losing a wrestling match. Hogan didn't notice that he had just pooped out a baby, a baby clown at that, and he proceeded to flush young Pennywise down the toilet. He spent much of his life in the sewer, until he turned 18, when was adopted by a 90-year old woman. He was a very disturbed youth who made a habit out of biting the fingers off of his dentists and making soup out of them later. The 90-year old woman sexually harassed him frequently, until one day he became fed up and ate her. He wanted to get revenge on the world for messing up his life. He declared he'd become the most powerful pedophile/demon of all time and terrify the masses for years to come. He made good on his promise.
[edit] First Blood
Before becoming a pervert, Pennywise first wanted to assassinate President Kennedy. Why? Because he ran against him in the election. He ran for the Republican nomination, and received four votes, all of them from sewer rats. He was rattled by this loss, so, in a fit of depression, he tried to rape a little boy but ended up raping himself by mistake. So, to try and soothe his shattered spirit, he then bought a nice, sunny ranch in California he named "Neverland Ranch". He gradually regained his confidence, and soon the terror began.
[edit] Resurrection
All of these events were part of a master plan of Pennywise's. He reincarnated himself, this time letting himself by crapped out of Sylvester Stallone. Pennywise was resurrected as an evil demon clown and returned to the sewers of his youth, and began to terrorize little children once more. But soon, he became restless with his life in the sewer. He took a part-time job working for Karl Rove, and after that job fell apart, he began searching for "a new life."
[edit] Pennywise becomes a Christian Fundamentalist
Shortly after quitting his job for Rove, Pennywise "came to the light of Jesus." He had experienced a religious revelation, and immediately sought a position as a priest. He became one almost immediately, and was hailed by the church as "one of the best preachers we've ever had." He hoped to become Pope, but he failed to be nominated. Today, he remains one of the most prominent figures in the Catholic Church. He claims to have quit molesting children for good, although many believe this is Bullshit.
[edit] Pennywis'es extended family
Scholars claim Pennywise may not, in fact, be related to Hulk Hogan, but instead be a zit that the Incredible Hulk popped after being licked by the Sith Lord Kefka. Many point out the similarities between Pennywise and Kefka, and Hulk and Kefka's love child is close to being completely proven to the public.
