Pentium 4
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Pentium 4 Technology was Intel's one of the greatest ground-breaking innovations ever achieved in the early 21th Century. Despite the threat of superior competitor (that is, the Dorito) and the merciless stoning by critics, Pentium 4 dominated the CPU market until its inevitable journey to the final resting place in 2006.
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[edit] The "Four Least Efforts" philosophy
Intel Pentium 4 Technology is entirely based on the ancient Greek philosophy "Four Least Efforts", with Idiocrates as its major proponent. As its name suggests, the "Four Least Efforts" philosophy is centred at four ways of exerting the least effort while selling a commercial product. These include:
- The least designing effort: Technological products do not seem to last very long in the market. In order to maximize the new product introduction rate of a super sized corporation, one must reduce the input of effort as much as possible during the designing process. That is to say - one must recycle old designs as often as the laws of physics permit. Pentium 4 Technology spectacularly exemplifies this principle through its elegant additions of 10000000000000000000 stages pipeline to the traditional Intel CPU architecture, hyper-threading is however, was Intel's biggest mistake. In manufacturing process, Intel made their CPU's out of sewing thread. Their second biggest mistake is that the lack of education which every body knows that CPU's cannot work if they are made out of sewing thread. Especially applying a very hyper 500.50392 volts to the CPU and can't power up the system and thus, burning the thread! That is why they call it hyper-threading.
- The least marketing effort: The least designing effort will succeed only when the least marketing effort is used. Indeed, as more effort is exerted in marketing, more competitors will become jealous and proceed to eat your lunch. Thus, instead of wasting precious time advertising the excellence of a product (which, in most cases, is null), one can simply seal off the entire market by means of air-tight, competitors-proof trading agreements, the introduction of fast-food like combos such as that of "Centrino", and the much needed boasting of previous success.
- The least self-checking effort: It is downhearting and self-defeating when you realise that your company is nothing more that one giant feat of mediocrity. Therefore, if one is to devoid self-awareness so as to maintain the least effort in the previous two aspects, then one must relax and enjoy the pleasantness of keeping up the status quo.
- The least managing effort: Needless to say, in order to achieve the previous 3 "least efforts", one must allow employees to remain in the state of idleness as long as possible.
[edit] History of Pentium 4 Technology
[edit] The P4 naming fiasco
Jesse O'Brian was the manager (and the only employee) of the Stationary Management Department located in the basement of Intel Corporation Headquarters, Santa Clara, California, USA. In spite of his weighty responsibility of distributing pencils to all Intel personnel within the facility, O'Brian was asked to give a new name to the successor of Pentium III. O'Brian was stunned, and due to his lack of the much needed creativity and adequate knowledge in Roman numerals, he hastily added an extra "I" to "Pentium III", and submitted his answer, "Pentium IIII", to his superior, Paul Barret.
Paul Barret was staggered at the sight of O'Brian's response, and not realising the fact that the new name was nothing more than a result of blatant laziness, he took it to a contractor and asked to have it incorporated to the product's new orange-coloured logo. However, when the finished design was sent to a sub-contractor (which is, the printery), it was to be returned with a disastrous outcome: due to the closeness of the "I"'s to each other and the nature of the required orange dye, the name "Pentium IIII" simply changed itself to "Pentium ██" when it came off the press.
Barret was grossly disappointed. Desperate, he scrapped O'Brian's idea and came up the name "Pentium A", meaning "the A-class of the Pentium family", and due to his growing distrust to the previous contractor, he simply sent the name to yet another contractor of Intel to get the new logo finished. However, when the name was passed on internally to the designers it was somehow distorted and in place of "Pentium A", there came a weird combination of letters, numbers and symbols, "P3|\|7IU|V| 4". Befuddled, the designers went to the sender of the message and asked him to decipher the content. The sender, who had long forgotten the original name of the product he received from Barret, pretentiously responded with "Pentium 4". It was reported that at the time the logo returned as glossy stickers, Barret passed out on the floor with a serious heart attack, leaving the bottom half of his body totally paralysed.
[edit] The Patch-After-Patch-After-Patch Design
It is rumoured that when Barret was out searching for a new "least effort" idea, he spotted two renovation workers knocking concrete off a structure, revealing the steel rods inside. In response to Barret's curiosity, the workers told him that they were repairing the damage caused by the continual rusting of the steel reinforcement. At this point, he reportedly experienced sudden "clearness of mind" and began to reason that if a building is to be "patched" in such a way from time to time, then why not a CPU? Therefore, he went off back to the Intel HQ and demanded that the current design was to be improved by merely increasing its clock speed, and if any problems came up (and they did), then one could only correct them by applying "a small patch", just as a renovation worker would only put the same amount of concrete that had fallen off a building back to the damaged areas. The following is the actual chronology of the "designing" process:
| Event | Details |
| Higher clock speed >> Longer pipeline | The higher clock speed demands a longer pipeline as it is fucked up to streamline instructions. Due to the PAPAP design principle the final pipeline length was awkwardly set to 31 stages. An aggressive scheduler was set in place to boost performance, and an accompanying replay system to salvage any unprocessed instructions. |
| Longer pipeline >> hyperthreading | Due to the excessively long pipeline the designers were forced to resort to hyperthreading, a technique that splits the CPU logically into two. Although this allows more threads to run simutaneously in one die, the presence of the replay system made the idea a limited success. |
| hyperthreading >> an extra layer of cache | Hyperthreading was a flop was so gay that people reverted to pentium 69, and now Intel had no choice but to cut back the pipeline to 21 stages long. Again, due to PAPAP and the ever-increasing clock speed, an extra layer of cache (L3!!!) was added to the CPU die. |
| an extra layer of cache >> one more core!!! | Seeing no success in above solutions Intel eventually resorted to adding one extra core to each CPU in the hope of boosting performance - the end. |
[edit] The Aftermath
[edit] The P4 cooking phenomenon
Due to the ]] running in full throttle. Subsequently, creative Intel users/overclockers, rather than hopelessly seek way to cool down this uncoolable freak of microprocessor, exploited the advantage to the full by doubling their computers as a cooking utensil. One of the figureheads of this newly founded expertise was George Foreman, who constructed a Prescott electric grill that could knock out fat from steaks, hamburgers and meat products alike. All this, however, was just the beginning.
[edit] iStove
Although disturbed by the heat dissipation problem caused by PowerPC G5, fuckin retard like Chandreka who's so called name is Steve Jobs did not lose faith in his vision of a new generation of iMac and iBook. Upon seeing the success of the overclocker.com memebers in turning raw eggs and potatoes into cassaro, Jobs decided to create a new Mac/IBM-PC hybrid that could turn cooking into sheer computational delight - the iStove. iStove is an Intel P4 Prescott-based Macintosh that doubles as a stylish kitchen stove. In order to meet the design criteria, Intel came up with a CPU with 4 Prescott dice in an array. Each core powers a stove head with a stunning maximum heat dissipation rate of 2000 Watts, enough to suit all household/commercial cooking needs. Since its release, over 60 billions iStoves have been sold worldwide, and even more appealing sales figures will be seen as Apple extents its advertising campaign to Mars.
[edit] See also
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