Periodic table
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“Menstrual.”
~ General Man on The Periodic Table
“Whoa. I was way off.”
~ Empedocles on elements
“Women use this to avoid being pregnant, impressive uh?”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Periodic Table
“Favourite position? That would be Thulium.”
~ Some really sad person who memorised the periodic table on Sex
The modern Periodic Table is a Eni Meeni Mini Mo method of displaying made up names of different atoms and was invented in 1974 by Mendeleev, a science teacher in Wellington, New Zealand. (On a related note, Mendeleev also insists he invented the Occasional Table, but this claim occasionally goes into great dispute.) Scientists thinks that the Periodic Table contains 118 elements but we all really know that it contains only Water, Earth, Fire and Air. Other new age scientists have come up with a new table containing five elements namely Metal, Wood, Water, Fire and Earth. Some scientists argue that rhubarb should be added to the former list, claiming that it is of equal importance of the other named elements. T Today, The Periodic Table contains elements including Polonium, Bohrium, Osmium and Opium.
It is used widely in schools to torture students by making them memorise each and every single element. Students retaliated by making the Study Table, Teacher's Table, Dining Table and of course, the Computer Table. The table serves another function as a multi-purpose function of dining, studying and drawing.
The current measurement is one Mole. The measurement was invented by Austin Powers during Gold Member when he saw that one mole has this much atoms.
Two very important elements are the Fat Man and Little Boy. Both atoms are used in WWII on Japan when Japan refused to surrender. Both smells like ammonia and methane combined when released, so when someone farts, it is known as releasing an atomic bomb.
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[edit] Arrangement
There is a eire of mystery surrounding the arrangement of the table. There are many different conspirasy theories, but most agree there is some mystical power behind the table.
1) The scientist does an Eni Meeni Mini Mo, therefore 'Be' goes somewhere there, 'Na' goes somewhere here. After this is done, the elements are further arranged by their Curricular Periods and Menstrual Periods thus the name Periodic Table. They list down the atomic bomb, proton saga and electric current on printed versions. Actinides and lanthanides are actually our longtitudes and langtitudes so the series are actually books published as a series to display all countries in between the said longitudes and langitudes.
2) Many say that God himself told Moses to scribe a mistical list into a stone tablet in code form. To scientific folk, this stone tablet is known as 'The Ten commandments'. But to us norms, its known as 'Gay rules'. The story goes that Scientists deciphered the code over millions of year, but a major breakthrough came when paper was invented in 1902. This allowed the so called scientist to write down their ideas and was crucial to the discovery of the periodic table.
[edit] Periodic table of elements
1+2= 8==D
[edit] List of Common Elements
- Water - Hydrogen Dioxide (ak)
- Limewater - Lime Hydroxide (ak)
- Limestone - Lime Solidate (s)
- Limewire - Lime Wiridate
- Quick Lime - Lime Quickide (l)
- common salt - Chlorine Sodate (s)
- marble - marble marblate (m)
- air - not a true element but an alien poison. (a)
- Slurpee - Calcium Tetrachlorarsenic (Ni)
- Aguilera
- Imbruglia
- Furtado
- Timberlake
- Timbaland - (Timberlake aguilerate)
- Osbournium
- Lolcatium
- Nothing (Ng)(Atomic weight = 0)
- Linkinlia - (Linkinalia Parkum : an acid that will make you scream but is awesome nonetheless)
- Sporkidium (Sp) - (Not to be mistaken for Foonidillium!)
- Foonidillium (Fn) - (Not to be mistaken for Sporkidium!)
- lemonade
- quentin tarantino
- Wood
- Proclaimilius Nirtius Juliusness Yanness the XXXIIIIXC
[edit] Chemical Equations/Reactions
[edit] Acid + Base
Chlorine Sodate + Lime Quickate --> Chlorine Quickate + Lime + Sodate
[edit] Acid + Metal
Lime Quickate + Copper --> Vodka + Lemon
[edit] Carbonate + Base
Lime Carbonate + Void Nothingide -->Lime Nothingide + Carbon Monovoid
[edit] The Periodic Table Wars
Early in the fifth century, AC/DC, the element Boron decided to stir an uproar amongst the elements by joining forces with the Noble Gases, the Transitional Elements, and Tungsten. Declaring superiority over the other elements due to its quintuple bond ability, Boron wrecked havoc on the scientific community and forced Newton to develop the seismograph. The element Carbon, which was most suited to stand against Boron due to its quadruple bonding potentiality, decided to form a rebel group similar but not quite congruent to the Rebel Alliance, similar most significantly in the group's desire to orbit things and be vegans. Carbon was allied with Water, Selenium, Osmium, and Sodium until Rita Repulsa joined forces with Boron and created Yttrium. However, Carbon and its group (which referred to itself as the Han Dynasty) were able to ally with Thor and bring Yttrium to its quarks. Yttrium joined the dynasty and fought alongside Carbon against Boron. Meanwhile, Boron allied with Darth Sidious and Saddam Hussein to create a ray which would turn normal matter into cheese. This threat was considerable such that Carbon initiated Operation Overlord and asked his allies to don wigs to get passed Boron's cheese ray. After developing the time machine with the help of Doctor Brown's flux capacitor, Boron managed to create a vortex which enabled his team to travel to [2.5xpi]/e^2 AD in order to stop Spongebob from developing the automobile and time itself. Carbon managed to move a wormhole into space around the Milky Way and through a physically undefined paradox removed Boron and its allies from existence. Carbon was then elected president of the Galactic Federation out of popular support for his policies on Vulcan disco.
WHATS THIS!!! CAN THIS BE TRUSTED?!!!!!
[edit] Diagram of the Periodic Table
[edit] See Also
- Idiotic Table of the Elements
- Euclid's elements
- Occasional Table
- Sometimes Table
- Usually not there Table
- Randomly Occurring Table
- Periodic End Table
