Persia

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(Redirected from Persians)

Iran(so far away!)
The Thousand Nations of the Persian Empire (which have or will soon descend upon you)
Iran


(Flag)	(Coat of Arms)

Motto: "This is blasphemy! This is madness!"

Anthem: "Just like youd imagine sortly before or during getting your asses kicked by them"

Capital

Tea-ran(So far away!!)

Largest city

Tea-ran(All night and day!!)

Official languages

English, Persian, Mede, Satan

Government

Imperial

National Treasure

The Sands of Time

National Hero(es)

Xerxesoid/ Prince of Persia

Declaration
of Independence

Always

Currency

Sun Blotting Arrows, Bullets

Religion

Mazdaism

Major exports

Arrows, Battle Rhinos, Battle Elephants, body piercings, Fat guys with arm swords.

Major imports

Madness, Blasphemy, Old guys with Beards, Racism, Earth and Water in a pit.

“Spartans! Cook up a good breakfast and eat heartily, for tonight we dine in Hell!”

~ King Leonidas on choosing a restaurant venue.

“Theyran (AKA Tehran)”

~  Persians on  naming a celebrated city after the first ever Marathon run by the Greek soldiers from the advancing Persian army

“I'm not a fucking Arab like your cousins you Jew”

~ Persians in general

Persia is a country spanning from West Asia to South Asia, to the Middle-earth, North Africa and Central Asia. Nowadays it is a popular griding spot for those playing the The Game Of Life, having large scale PvP combat with nearby nations on a regular basis. Persia is historically renowned for having it's ass kicked by every country it tries to fight, in any time period. It may have defeated the Romans, the Byzantines, the Medians, the Parthians, the Armenians, the Israelis, the Egyptians, the Babylonians, the Arabs, the Turks, the Indians, the Lydians ,the Greeks, and Chuck Norris on many occasions (including once during a Van Halen concert), but we'd rather not note it because we like to distort history to gratify our incessant needs to identify ourselves with civilizations like Greece and Rome that we really have nothing to do with.

[edit] History

Persians are mainly found in Beverly Hills and always own gold statues and curtain rods. Persian kids believe in a certain religion called Kobish, which is a religion that worships Kobe Bryant. 99 percent of Persians are Kobish, the other 1 percent are Jewish. They also speak a language which consists of one Persian boy screaming Kobe and then another one screaming it back. A typical Persian wedding tradition is to paint the walls with poop so they can keep the flies of the bride. Persians first emerged when Star Jones took a dive into the sea, the ensuing instability in tidal flux caused a large chunk of Hell to break off and float to the surface, by the time it had reached the surface of the ocean- the force it had gathered during it's upwards movement carried it several thousand miles up into the air, eventually coming to land in the middle of Asia. Those who were not killed in the fall suffered fatal cases of the bends. Paladine however did not react to this, because he cast himself down from the pantheon, so the survivors flipped him the bird and took up worshipping his younger, sexier cousin, Mystra.

HOW YOU KNOW IF YOUR FRIEND IS PERSIAN:

-If he not only loves basketball but loves Kobe Bryant

-If he smells like Golab

-If he has a deep, annoying voice

-If when has access to a computer, goes on fantasy basketball or watches clips of Laker games on Youtube

-If he or she lives in Beverly Hills

-If he listens to rap music

-if HE OR SHE is so KOOL that any kooler would be a SIN!!!

-He/she or someone in his/her immediate family drives a Porshe, Mercedes Benz, or any car that is considered "luxury"

-He/she has a dad that has Shamshir swords

-He/she has a mother who practices archery

MOST COMMON PHARSE AMONGST PERSIANS

-Persian by nature proud by choice

-Death to bush

-Death to America

-Death to Jews (this one is the suprime leader's personal choice)

-Death to the Hiltons

BACK TO THE STORY OF PERSIA

After a few thousand years, the Persians had received enough gold from Mystra to buy their own fast food empire, called Mcdonalds. Their venues soon became a popular dining spot among Persians and Spartans alike.

Unfortunately, the Persians lust for power became too great and they attempted to invade Greece in order to turn it into a giant dump for leftover grease from their fast food outlets- this is where the country of Greece gets it's current name, as well as the hit film that followed. The misspelling occurred because at this point, King Xerxesoid, an acute dyslexic, had taken the throne. Xerxesoid was a renowned transvestite and won the guinness world record for most body piercings on one man, as well as most outrageously homosexual King of all time.

After a hardcore battle, with much pirouetting and slow-motion, as well as Battle Rhinos and for some reason, Goblins, the Persians emerged victorious having lost a million Persian warriors despite Xerxesoids' attempts to lessen the bloodshed by seducing King Leonidas. Unluckily for him, Leonidas was the straightest of the Spartan warriors, having many times bedded Queen Jabba of the shot glass nipples. The Spartans received only 299 casualties, whose downfall occurred after one of their most homosexual soldiers was bribed to betray them with pornographic spreads of Hard Gay. Ultimately though, Greece fell and their two strongest states Athens and Spartaaaaaaa burnt down. According to historians, this was by far the greatest ownage of all time where finally the boy-loving and homosexual Greeks were subdued for the first time, in turn, doing the world civilization a favour. Prince of Persia or PoP, succeeded Xerxes.

PoP, being even smarter than his father, sickened by the homosexual habits of the Spartans and Greeks in general decided to leave Sparta and invade India. During the sacking of the Indian Capital, PoP managed to steal the sands of time and caused a series of anomalies in the space-time continuum that led to him becoming his own son. He soon became emo, and played annoying repetitive music while wearing black and cutting himself with the Dagger of Time over and over again.

He eventually committed suicide at Hitler's bunker, after posting a suicide note on his myspace, which was read by five people, none of whom cared. The family fast-food chain was then passed on to next in line Oscar Wilde who immediately sold the chain to Ronald Regan in return for 1000000 burgers. Oscar Wilde soon had a Heart Attack and died.

More fun facts about Persia to follow.

THIS IS NOT SPARTA!

= Persians conquests, mights and reing=

Eventually, those Persians have a cool and dummies conquest and the reing and mights that tasted like hamburgers.

Conquest for Southern Egypt: 553 BC. It took a 500 beer gun (actually a diet coke that launch as fire arrows) to defeat those drunked Egyptians army.

The False Persepolis: 602 BC. Persians started to change their old capital Tearhanspolis (now we call Teheran a.k.a Tea-Ran) to Persepolis in bloody plains. That Persepolis were the false. The real Persepolis were actually strip club in Tearhanpolis.

Building of Ka'bah: 587 BC. The Persians were actually build the harsh Ka'bah,(which their called it Ka'sucker before present day) not the freak muslims (sorry for the muslims readers!! HOHOHO!!)

March to Hittite: 705 BC. With the help from Chinese ally, general Mao Zedong help Persia attack the condom mania Hittites.

Others reign, conquest and mights will be appear later.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Thousand Nations of the Persian Empire (which have or will soon descend upon you), Persia.

[edit] In popular culture

The persian empire appeared in the little disseminated "graphic novel" "300", where it was portrayed in a sympathetic light, a low budget independent film of the same name also featured the empire, though it showed at only three theatres worldwide.

Countries and territories of Asia