Pet Rock: The Video Game

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Pet Rock: The Video Game

Developer(s)	Electronic Arts
Publisher(s)	Electronic Arts
Designer(s)	Gary Dahl
Engine	None, really
Latest version	1.0
Release date(s)	February 33, 2004
Genre	Virtual Pet
Mode(s)	Single player
Rating(s)	E for Everyone
Platform(s)	PC
Media	CD
System requirements	10MB, a computer, and a looooooooooot of free time
Input	Zilch
Monthly fee	{{{fee}}}
Active players	{{{players}}}

Pet Rock: The Video Game is a virtual pet computer game released by Electronic Arts which centers around owning the eponymous Pet Rock, just like that old 1970's fad. You can make it do tricks (See below for a comprehensive list), feed it, and pet it, among various other actions. It was widely successful, though nobody has a clue why. Just like the real thing!

Note that the "feed" and "pet" actions do absolutely nothing.

1 Gameplay
2 List of Tricks
3 Secrets
4 Screenshots

[edit] Gameplay

Screenshot of Pet Rock: The Video Game

The gameplay consists of watching the rock. Very little interaction is required, as all of the tricks are already known. The only real interaction is pausing the game, which has no effect whatsoever on gameplay apart from causing the word "Pause" to appear near the top of the screen. It's theoretically supposed to make the game stop, but since nothing happens anyway, it's rather hard to tell.

[edit] List of Tricks

Screenshot of Pet Rock: The Video Game. Note how far the player has progressed, having played for a total of more than five hours.

Sit
Stay
Play dead
Don't move
Settle down
Cease movement
Die
Go to sleep
Enter a coma
Faint
Lie down
Stand
End denial of Zeno's Paradox
Stop
Desist changing position
Do not go to another place

A screenshot of Pet Rock: The Video...oh, wait, never mind. That's from Burnout Legends. Sorry.

Freeze
Act like a dead animal
Glue yourself to the ground
Register zero on a speedometor
Yield
Wait
Pause
Halt
Discontinue motion
Obey a stop sign
Don't do anything
Act as if you just drove up to a red light, began to obey it, and did not stop obeying it
Be knocked out
Procrastinate
Perish
Kick the bucket
Expire
Pass away
Meet your maker
Immitate the parrot from that Monty Python sketch
Be like this article
Or this one
Don't have a seizure
Finish transportation
Terminate mobilization
Be apathetic

[edit] Secrets

Alright, this is a screenshot of Pet Rock: The Video Game. Notice the immense progress that the player has made.

If you play for a total of more than twelve hours, you will be awarded with a certificate, which can be printed out, and reads as follows:

       CONGRATULATIONS!
You have wasted twelve hours
of your life! How does it feel,
knowing that you just threw
an entire half of a day down
the drain, and can never get
it back? Depressing, right?
Haha, loser. Now print this
out, show it to all your
friends, video tape the
results, and send the
recording to us so we can
laugh at you as you get
taunted by your friends, if
you have any!

[edit] Screenshots

When the game is started.	After three minutes.	After half an hour.	After two days.
After a week.	After two and a half months.	After one year.	After three years.
After the end of time.