Philadelphia Eagles
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“Every goddamn year...”
~ Philadelphia Eagles on their existence
“E-A-G-L-E-S!”
~ Philadelphia Sports Fans on life
“In Russia, NFC championship game loses YOU!”
~ Russian Reversal on Philadelphia Eagles
Rarest of all eagles, the magnificent Philadelphia Choking Eagle drove many teams to the edge of extinction, preyed on the Broncos, Cardinals, and Falcons, and hunted by the feminine Cowgirls from Dallas, rather smallish Giants from New York , and the weak Redskins from Washington.
These Eagles have a habit of winning 10 NFC championships in a row, especially when their insane fan base needs them to win the most. This causes the fans to kill giants fans, until they put on a magnificent comeback, only to win when said fan base needs them to win the most. This process repeats until there are no more pussy Giants fans left, but because new yorkers in general are insane, there will always be less fans.
The US Department of Birds, Animals and Icky Bugs (USDBAIB) has issued a bounty on the remaining birds, estimated to be only 36 or so in number. The reasons for this bounty are fourfold. Perhaps it will forever remain a mystery.
Firstly, it costs an average of $2.4m each year to protect each endangered species. It would be cheaper and less expensive, as well as saving large sums of money, if the bird were truly extinct.
Secondly, the bird's droppings are disgustingly smelly, and it's well worth a loss of biodiversity just to keep one's Ferrari windscreen clean.
Thirdly, God loves the Eagles. This is easily shown by a few examples.
- Matt Bryant's 62 yard Field Goal
- Terrell Owens
- Donovan McNabb's ACL tear
- Donovan McNabb's ankle
- Donovan McNabb's groin
- Donovan McNabb's vomit
- Donovan McNabb's mom Wilma
- Michael Lewis
- Wilma McNabb's cunt juice
- Campbell's Chunky
- Dhani Jones
- Every referee in the entire NFL
- Everyone from BYU
- The 2003 NFC Championship Game
- Rich Kotite
- The city of Philadelphia
- Spongebob Squarepants is a Giants fan
- Ben and Matt
- Ben and Jenn
- Ben and Jenn
- William Penn
- Penn and Teller
- Teller
Conservationists are keeping quiet about the fact that the bird is genetically identical to the Kentuckistan Eagle, a swarming menace being culled by the million.
“E-A-G-L-E-S!”
~ Philadelphia Sports Fans on life
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[edit] Eagles Summer Camp
“E-A-G-L-E-S!”
~ Philadelphia Sports Fans on life
Some attempts to bring back the Philadelphia Eagle's popularity was through the use of Summer Camps for their fans, both children and adults, as long as you were a fan.
[edit] The Arrival of "Gunz"
In 2010, the Eagles drafted a tall Defensive End from Oxford. They called him Gunz. He was 7 feet tall, 300 pounds, and most of that was his junk.He never cries. EVER. If you've heard different, go to the person that told you and stab them through the heart with a broken pencil. You're smooth like that. Anyway, he started college at Notre Dame, but he was so good he left to play in Britain. Britain is known to be the best in American Football. They're pretty decent at Canadian Hockey and Spanish Bullriding too. This player wanted only one thing. Well actually 6 things.
- 1 superbowl ring: they always lose the super bowl. THEY SUCK BALLS.
- another superbowl ring
- Yet another superbowl ring
- 5 more superbowl rings
- A mean ass mullet
- The cease of existence of the Pittsburgh Steelers
“E-A-G-L-E-S!”
~ Philadelphia Sports Fans on life
In his first season, Gunz had a record 45.5 sacks, 120 tackles solo, 200 total. He also caught 25 TD passes and ran for 20 more. The Eagles won the superbowl and defeated the Steelers 55-0. The Steeler's coach Mike Timlin saw the scoreboard after the defeat and melted. Gunz looked into the eyes of little pussy girl WR Pippy long stockings Nate and used his head vision to dissolve his existance. The rest of the Steeler's were okay with the loss and continued to practice towl spanking and dropping the soap in the locker room. The bukaki level erupted. The Eagles became america's team after this. Drafting gunz is said to be the best move in sports and he continues to break records.
“E-A-G-L-E-S!”
~ Philadelphia Sports Fans on life
“Shut the fuck up.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Philadelphia Sports Fans
[edit] V.S. The Falcons
The Eagles have been known to defeat Vick and his Falcons. Despite this, Vick continues to challenge McNabb to put an end to his evil rain of clothes and cheese steaks. McNabb responded by giving Vick a gift of 25 pitbulls with the note "thought you'd have fun with these." McNabb then sat and waited...
[edit] The Eagles and Sportsmanship
Year after year, Eagles fans have been showcased by the NFL as the golden standard for sportsmanship. And with Good reason! Well known for always aiming away from the eyes of the Redskins fan they're spitting on, giving directions to the nearest hospital to the bloody puddle that was once a Giants fan, and even collecting money for the Cowboys fan who had his intestines ripped out at halftime, Eagles fans are always sure to treat visiting NFL fans with all the respect they deserve.
[edit] See also
