Phoenix Wright
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The author knows this because he is also a peckerhead and has frequently chatted with Phoenix Wright at the meetings.
“iObject. I've found a flaw in your testimony.”
~ Phoenix Wright on Apple iLife
“Wheres my money, Bitch?”
~ Edgeworth on Everybody in the game being his hoe
“Take that!”
~ Phoenix Wright on shouting during intercourse with Manfred Von Karma
“Nicky needs his alone time”
~ Phoenix Wright on Seeing Edgeworth and Maya and Franziska and Maya and Ema all in one big sex orgy
“Oh snap !! I do not hear such a truth...!?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Phoenix Wright
“I tried to be like Phoenix in court and got sued for $500,000.”
~ Some Dumb Lawer in court after he bought all PW Games
Phoenix Wright is the best defense attorney in the multiverse. A sucker called Matt Murdock tried to claim this, but Phoenix challenged him to a lawyer battle, before destroying his eyes with the Finger, leaving Matt a blind guy. Additionally, he is the oppposite of Jack Thompson, and thus defends video games instead of jacking off to them trying to get them banned.
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[edit] Phoenix Wright
Phoenix Wright's life was a hard one. He was created by Phillip "Mad Bastard" Whitings in 1892 in a secret underground log cabin in Mississippi, Utah. When he saw that some annoying white-haired guy was trying to chop down his log cabin, he sued him for a total of over $10,000,000 (€20) and became a lawyer. It is believed he is related to Jack Bauer, a theory often backed up by his in-court dialogue. He's also probably Jewish. You know, 'cause he's a lawyer. He knows if you're lying. It's one of his powers.
When he became a lawyer, he made many friends, who oddly deny any involvement. People have speculated that Phoenix Wright was killed by a "blunt and heavy object". Some people suggest that this "blunt and heavy object" was a statue of The Thinker that had a built in clock. Although now-deceased-and-somehow-resurrected-for-no-apparent-reason-in-the-never-european-released-sequel attorney Mia Fey denies this point saying the clockwork was removed a long time ago.
Others, however, speculate that the statue simply damaged Phoenix's brain to the point where he ditched his lawyer powers and became a piano player in some restaurant, blaming "the developers of the series." Supposedly, Phoenix gained his lawyer powers back after being hit on the head with said blunt and heavy object, this time with the ability to wear a hobo suit in court. However, this may only be a rumor.
It is also a little known fact that Phoenix Wright spends approximately US $1.2 billion annually on hairgel.
[edit] TIME TRAVEL, WHOAMG!
However, one fateful day Phoenix and friends were swept into a random gap in time, (quite possibly created by Phoenix dividing by 0) and were transported to the early 2000's. He continues his mad lawyering skills to this day.
[edit] The Finger
Phoenix Wright's objectioning finger, which mysteriously waves as he objects, is said to be phallic. Its reason for doing this is unclear, but it's known to have made many a prosecution lawyer react in strange ways, such as attorney Payne, who lost all of his hair because Mia had just the finger alone. The wiggle, however, brings fear into the hearts of many. Edgeworth is also said to have a rivaling finger wave of his own, but possesses a more refined and dominating waggle. Unfortunately, since Mia exploded due to a very illegal and hilarious game show (run by an immigrant from Animal Crossing), Phoenix and Edgeworth are the sole pair to own the power of the finger.
[edit] Phoenix Wright: Justice for Nobody - Cases
[edit] The Lost Turnabout
Phoenix realizes he lost the keys to his office, he then thinks back to the night before and convinces himself that Edgeworth won them in a drunk game of Pass the Parcel, in his fury Phoenix went around to Edgeworth's house and slapped him around with The Finger (Much like Uncle in the Jackie Chan Adventures cartoon) after returning home Phoenix remembers the keys were in his back pocket after all.
[edit] Reunion, then Turnabout
You meet your old friend, Mr. Turnabout, after he had been gone for nearly a year training to be a medium. But after meeting him again, he is arrested for killing someone and is sent to jail. You must defend him in court. Later, you find out he really killed the victim, but since you don't want to lose you defend him anyway.
[edit] Turnabout Big Top
A crazy murderer clown is on the loose and it is up to you to destroy him using your finger. After you destroy him, you go to court with the charges of being a clown killer. You decide to forge evidence so you don't get in trouble. At the end, if you win, instead of you being sent to jail, Maya Fey will be sent to jail. This is where the game gets a lot more fun.
[edit] Farewell, my Turnabout
It's Christmas, and Phoenix Wright decides to go to Hell for a two week vacation. Before he leaves, he decides to go say goodbye to his friend, Turnabout. But when he goes to say goodbye to him, he's in the detention center because he was accused of killing Bob the Builder. Phoenix Wright wants to go on his vacation really bad, but he must protect his friend first. The only problem is the prosecutor of the case is an old friend, Chuck Norris, and he is one of the best prosecutors in the land.
[edit] Diet
Like most lawyers, Phoenix Wright feeds on fear, tacos, and teenagers dumb enough to ask him to take a case at dinner time, (and the occasional romp with Edgeworth). He also has been reported drinking the tears of gypsies, but we're not sure why. He is also said to eat the souls of his friends, although this trait is more often attributed to Mia. It is sometimes hinted that he and Edgeworth eat friends who present false or doctored pr0n before trial. He's silently threatened witnesses this way, saying "I will rip your penis off and shove it up your hot, hot ass if you don't reveal the REAL pr0n!" in an aggressive manner towards them. Every witness's reactions vary.
[edit] The Blue Suit
After eating a bowl of his favorite cereal, Objection'Os, Phoenix found a Blue Suit on the inside of the box, along with a lawyers badge. The Blue Suit gives Phoenix super lawyering powers, and it also makes him look snazzy. While wearing the Blue Suit, his intelligence was highly boosted, and he was able to win several court cases because of it. Well, most of them anyways, Edgeworth had just found a Magenta Suit in a different cereal box, iGiari'Gs, and his abilities went far beyond that of Phoenix's. Eventually, the Blue Suit turned out to be alive, so he killed it after beating it repeatedly with a statue of The Thinker. Phoenix now wears the dead Blue Suit all the time, to show other living suits what happens when they mess with him. They say the suit and the finger is what wins the cases. They say, no. They know. The suit waits for a day to conquer it's host, and with the power of the finger proceed to make a chain of tittiebars.
[edit] Psycholock!
Phoenix Wright is a Pedophile, why else would he have so many underage assistants? There's Maya Fey, Pearl Fey, Ema Skye, Trucy Wright, who knows where he'd go from there?
