Pilgrim
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The Pilgrims were a group of religious radicals who left Micronesia for Papua New Guinea to practice their public animals sacrifices and daily orgies. After the orgies were complete they would sacrifice black animals to their pagan gods whilst enslaving and torturing the indian population. These rituals are the foundation for America's foreign trade policy.
Pilgrims are religious immigrants.
Really, they were so anal that the British didn't want them. Admit it, that's pretty bad.
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[edit] History
Anyway, their ships - the Nina, the Pinto, the Frere Jaqua, the Pina Colada, and the Carnival Destiny - encountered a storm on their way to the New World, which was the name of a disco in Vegas. The weather started getting rough, and the tiny ships were tossed, so many pilgrims prayed to Saint Valentine and were saved, except for the Pilgrims on the Pina Colada, who did not pray and so their ship fell off the end of the earth.
[edit] Our Story So Far
Today they are called Mormons and dictate their religion to the rest of the world in the name of bigamy. Furthermore, they killed hundreds to thousands of Native Americans to make way for a new hyperspace bypass. After having the first Thanksgiving, they invited the Indians to join them in watching the Bears/Lions game on ESPN, because, after all, all anyone had back then was basic cable.
[edit] Modern Day
In honor of this event, which is celebrated once a year (twice on leap years), Americans paint little eggs and hide them, because it keeps the kids away from the television set. If the Bears win, it's six more weeks of winter, and if the Lions win, grandpa takes his teeth out and after making that weird whistling noise with his gums, he goes to the toilet and takes a "squanto" so bad the smell could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. Parents also spank their children with Horn Books to celebrate a tradition that died out except in The South. Also I think their hats are funny looking too.
[edit] See Also
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