Augusto Pinochet
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The author knows this because he is also a peckerhead and has frequently chatted with Augusto Pinochet at the meetings.
“I'm a real boy!”
~ Augusto Pinochet on Himself
“Sometimes, you need to torture, murder and rape people until they stop having the wrong economic ideas”
~ Augusto Pinochet on what's wrong with democracy
“I killed my way out of a recession. Adam Smith would be proud”
~ Augusto Pinochet on economic policy
“Some have compared me to Adolf Hitler and it disgusts me to be compared one with such disgraceful ideas! Hitler's economic policies were appallingly dirigist and Keynsian!”
~ Augusto Pinochet on morality
Augusto "Mr. Cuddles" Pinochet (November 25, 1915–December 10, 2006), also known as Pinoccio, served as Demon King of Chile during the Fourth Age. The people in this country call him "viejo conchesumadre", "viejo culiao", "pinocho"," or "tata". A former minion of Sauron, he escaped from Mordor after the fall of Mount Doom, making his way to South America (Like too many a nazi, but without help of the Catholic Church), where days were old and knights were bold and condoms not invented (actually they did, but the Catholic Church, told everyone it was taboo). He is the Chilean 'you-know-who' (or VOLDEMORT if you want it), (Not the first, but that's another story...)he had his own Death Eaters (CNI) (assassins without brain) and stuff like that. He was the opponent to the Soviet Union slave Salvador Allende, a.k.a. "presidente de los rotos", or president of the stupid poor people of Chile. Salvador Allende was the worst president of Chile, bringing terror, poverty and thieves to the country. Of course, some would say Pinochet brought those things to but he actually exchanged "poverty" for "torture, murder and rape" and you can't argue with that.
Augusto Pinochet is remembered to kill people because they was rejected to join in PC (Commies)
[edit] Biography
Augusto Pinochet was grown in a secret CIA lab, and programmed to betray presidents and to kill. Contemporary records first note his existence in Chile, in 1937, though the preceding mythological account would indicate that his demonic essence is much older.
Augusto started (say) human life as a puppet, when he had life breathed into him by the Blue Fairy and became a wooden boy. His early exploits are detailed in the movie "Pinocheto", a classic Disney animated feature. After becoming a real boy (with a wooden head), he revolutionized classroom disruption by using small metal pins as projectiles, bouncing them off of two or three walls to strike his teachers in the back of the neck (as he never acted frontally). This richochet technique earned him the name "Pin-ochet", which stuck with him for the rest of his life.
Unfortunately, this brand of disruption led to his dismissal from Faivalarm Elementary. It was in 1948 that the United States discovered his talent, and immediately began training him for secret CIA missions in some smelly Boot Camps.
Seeking to get back to his roots, Pinochet crawled into politics to become the puppet leader of Chile in 1973. Though he wished upon a star, he was never to become a real leader.
He died (Gee, thank you God, what took you so long?) on December 10, 2006. It is known that he will be reborn on third day of the apocalypse to bring back chaos and horror to the Chilean pockets. Yes, pockets (his second favorite after murder).
It is rumored that in 2101 Pinochet is going to SET UP US THE BOMB from beyond the grave.
In 2130, the third age of mankind, dawn of a new era, high majesty Pinochet's rebirth will be celebrated by dwarves and trannies everywhere with fancy dress and some cake. Hitler is rumoured to be making a comeback appearance (Not under his "W" persona though).
[edit] Pinochet Reversal
Following his arrest in Britain in the late 1990s for Crimes Against Humanity, the reaction from pundits and press has become known as "Pinochet Reversal" because liberals and conservatives swapped their traditional positions on crime and punishment when covering the case:
| String him up! This disgraceful murderer and butcher has killed thousands and now the government (who have rightly arrested him) are giving him the kid-gloves treatment by holding the old thug not in a prison but in a cushy "secure home" where he is given extensive luxuries and has been allowed to visit his friend Margaret Thatcher. We say: New Labour is soft on mass-murder! |
- The Guardian on Pinochet's Arrest.
| In a monstorous act of inhumanity, the Stalinist bootboys of Tony Blair's Labour government arrested a frail old man yesterday. Whilst we don't deny that Pinochet has committed terrible acts, we ask that we think before applying knee-jerk reactions. Who are we to judge? For all we know, faced with an elected minority Marxist government even we might be moved to institute a regime of murder and torture. We must also ask what this is about? Is it about "justice" or is it about the mob, thirsting for revenge? We say: Go easy on the murderers, they're people too. |
- The Daily Mail on Pinochet's arrest.
Fortunately, a non-white mugger was arrested the next day and the brief reversal of opinions was immediately broken.
[edit] Trivia
- Augusto Pinochet is the inaugural winner of Maggie Thatcher's “Fwend of Bwitain Award”. The Award gets you an automatic +2 to save against extradition, and a +1 to succeed against tests of mental competency.
- Augusto Pinochet has also been endorsed by felony anglophile Conrad Black, though he's never been in a helicopter with him.
- Augusto Pinochet was a weasel motherfucker, but at least now it's dead, and may I say, he finally gave Chile a moment of Joy (even better than 1988).
