Piplup
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| Piplup | |
|---|---|
| Japanese name | Pochama (confirmed by the Chinese) |
| Stage | An Inconvenient Truth |
| Evolves from | Environmentalists |
| Evolves to | Prinplup |
| Species | evil Penguin |
| Type | Water |
| Height | A ruler and a middle finger |
| Weight | 2.75 gallons of bitter piss |
| Ability | Sucking at everything |
| Next Pokémon | Torchic |
| Previous Pokémon | Digimon |
“So i herd u like Piplups?”
~ Nintendo on Trying to broaden their franchises
“Lyk oMG Piplup iZ lYKe Sooooo KuTE!:)”
~ Noobs on Piplup
Piplup (pronounced PIMP-LIP in America and Canada, PHIL-LUP in Great Britain and Australia or PI-Pluck in the Philippines) is a highly hyperactive, insane, silly, racist, optimistic, crybabyish, cute penguin. This Pokemon is cherished and has become a symbol of environmental hippies like Al Gore, PETA, and Paul McCartney. Piplups are found in Antarctic wastelands and, ironically, their population is growing rapidly despite global warming. Although they may seem friendly to most people, they are actually evil penguins who wants to destroy everything in the world, enslave everyone, and -- of course -- create a nice environmental utopia.
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[edit] Bio Traits
The purpose of this Pokemon is just to be cute, to be a complete dumb-ass (Piplups have an IQ of -33), and to screw around. Piplups are just used as pets and in fashion shows. The problem with Piplups is that they are suck real bad and therefore suck at everything. Piplups engage in lots of girly fucked-up activities like sewing, knitting, wearing dresses, and cheerleading (see picture below).
Piplups are also highly prideful to themselves and are sheer racists. They hate African Americans, Jews, Chinese, Muslims, and pretty much hundreds of more I can't think of. They refuse to take any food from Mexicans and they don't like to be hugged by autistic people. Don't worry, they won't kill you or anything because of your race.
Piplups are well know of assisting suicides. See Ash's death article for more details.
Despite living in Antarctica they have been spotted in different places around the world, including France, Egypt, Iran, United States, Jesusland, Vatican City, and China. Documents gathered by the CIA show them in photos with many celebrities and terrorists like Kanye West, Oscar Wilde, Tom Cruise, and Osama bin Laden. Piplups aren't violent Pokemon. They are attracted to music by Disturbed because they are, after all, disturbing penguins. Although not well known in the skateboarding capital of the universe, California, and the snowboarding capital in the world, Mount Everest; they are nevertheless excellent skateboarders and experienced snowboarders. Piplups are really allergic to tattoos, which cause their eyes to bleed and later have their brains explode.
[edit] Statistics
HP: Having piss? Oh, it means hit points. Well Piplups have 100,000,000 health, which means a nuclear muscle and 666 round house kicks will just only deplete 75% of the health and still be strong.
Attack: Piplups can attack you either with the beak, acid bubbles, pissbeam, and the whirlpool of DEATH!!!
Defense: Piplups don't need armor, they have high enough health.
Speed: Piplups don't run that fast you bastard!!
Sex: Gender? No wait, you mean orientation! Well 70% of them are gay, while 20% are Bi. Only 10% are Straight because Chuck Norris, leave it at that.
I.D.:Piplups have a permanent cape on their backs. They can use the cape to fly but they are too fucking stupid, New studies show that piplups seem to Dive off cliffs trying to fly.
[edit] Known Owners of Piplups
According to December 21st, 2012 statistics, about 4 million people will own a Piplup. The cute little Pokemon are well cared-for.
A list of all known people who own a Piplup:
- Dawn
- David Draiman
- Hugo Chavez
- Chuck Norris
- Fidel Castro
- Oscar Wilde
- Tom Cruise
- Al Gore
- Robert Mugabe, who owns 75 of them. Mugabe is using them to solve the water shortage in his country by having them piss in the rivers, but we all know that Piplups don't take shit seriously.
[edit] Piplup salutes to Hitler
A recent discovery by your mom found that Piplup highly salutes to Adolf Hitler, thus proving Piplup's racism. Although it appears Piplup is saying "Piplup Piplup," he's really saying "Hitler, Hitler":
[edit] External links
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