Pirate Ninja Jesus

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This is the only known picture of Pirate Ninja Jesus. Unfortunately,we we aren't even sure if it's accurate because the person who started drawing this died while making the first line. Our artists tried their best to complete this image.

“Jesus! Quit stealing our stuff!”

~ Random Guy on Pirate Ninja Jesus stealing his stuff.

“Pirate Ninja Jesus was the one who sent Davey Jones to his locker, it so scared the other three Monkees that they broke up the band!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Pirate Ninja Jesus

“Aye Matey! Pirate Ninja Jesus be one bad Pirate Ninja! He taught me all my fighting moves and brought me back to life after I committed suicide.”

~ Orion Blastar on Pirate Ninja Jesus

“This Kung-Fu Messiah brings a whole new meaning to 'The laying on of hands'.”

~ Chuck Norris on Pirate Ninja Jesus

Pirate Ninja Jesus got in a fight with Pirate Ninja Peter, who turned out to be a total poser.

[edit] General Info

Pirate Ninja Jesus is like the jesus in the bible, only more sneaky, violent, and disrupting. Pirate Ninja Jesus has the biggest balls of any mammal. Although he often loots old people, he has brought ninjas and pirates together. He gave shuriken to the pirates and eyepatches to the ninjas. Unfortunately, both ninjas and pirates have a difficult time functioning with these new and extremely complex devices. It is the ultimate goal of Pirate Ninja Jesus to make brothers between pirates and ninjas everywhere. After that, maybe take over the world or maybe just loot more old people... Maybe kidnap your grandfather. Pirate Ninja Jesus likes men that are in the fashion industry and wears tight butt hugging short shorts.

Pirate Ninja Jesus in a death-match against Santa Claus.

Pirate Ninja Jesus has the powers of both pirates and ninjas. He can swing on a rope with a dagger in his mouth and never be seen. He can yell "Ayayayayayayaayayweyaweyayaerywoteowiuwghsk!!!" and never be heard. Pirate Ninja Jesus can undress you, redress you, put clown makeup on your face, wreck your house, and rape a random lampshade all at the same time and never be heard or seen. He can dance on your TV like the dancing storm trooper and laugh at you. He can own your computer. In fact... If you have read this far in the article, then it is too late. Pirate Ninja Jesus stole your computer, sold it on the black market, and gave you one hell of a crappy replacement. Good luck with your new crappy machine that looks exactly like your old one.

Pirate Ninja Jesus is an important part of Ultra Jesus.

Pirate Ninja Jesus, like any other good pirate, a pegleg, an eyepatch, and a parrot..( who happens to be Parrot Jesus)... we think.... And like any good ninja, he has an all black suit and a mask that covers his face.... we think.......... Well he might look like he's in a yellow motorcycle jumpsuit sometimes, but we aren't really sure. Apparently Pirate Ninja Jesus is a shape shifter and a master of disguise. At least we think so?

The Officially Unofficial Jesus Myspace page is at http://www.myspace.com/blame_satan

[edit] Pirate Ninja Jesus' Magic-Like Powerstuffs

Super Secret Ninja Kick - More powerful than Chuck Norris's foot odor to the face. More powerful than the sun crashing into the earth. More powerful than your grandmother's farts after she's eaten a whole bean casarole. More devastating than your parents grounding you. It is even more powerful than the uncyclopedia itself. How powerful is it? More powerful than Fluffy Destroyer of Worlds. It is even more powerful than your mother/father/uncle/whoever-in-the-hell-takes-care-of-you. Yes. It is that powerful, motherfucker.