Planet Google
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“Naw, This is totally an article on Jupiter.”
~ Captain Sarcasm on Planet Google article
For related news article, visit UnNews.
For historical data about what Planet Google used to be like, see Mars.
Planet Google is the new name of Mars, since it was taken over by Google, inc. on the 10th of March 2006. It was sold by the previous Martian owners for an undisclosed sum.
On the date in question, the planet Mars disappeared from the solar system, at the same time as Google announced its plans to repaint and rebrand the planet, and bring Google's patented simple efficiency to a once dull and boring place that practically nobody wanted to go to. Days later, Planet Google was launched, though not without some controversy.It is meant to be a Google times more normal than Mars. (See below)
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[edit] About Planet Google
In a press statement, Google founders Larry Brin and Sergey Page had this to say about Planet Google -
“Yes, Planet Google is another planet. But it's different in lots of ways, starting with a philosophy: that planets can be made simpler, more efficient and more fun. When transforming Mars into Planet Google, we looked at the frustrations people were having with Earth, and worked to eliminate those from Planet Google. The result is something that's faster, cleaner, and more intuitive. For example, Planet Google automatically groups friends and relatives' gHouses into a neighborhood, so you never have far to travel to meet people you know. ”
~ Larry Brin and Sergey Page on Planet Google
Not in a press statement, Oscar Wilde had this to say about Planet Google -
“I personally think that it would have benefited more from a more original name, such as Saturn”
~ Oscar Wilde on Planet Google
Steve Ballmer was unavailable for comment.
Nobody knows exactly what Planet Google will be like, however the best guess can be seen in the artist's impression above. Google is likely to generate gigantic gas clouds in the colors of their logo, but how this will affect life on the planet remains to be seen. Perhaps living under the multicolor sky will be like being under the influence of some sort of drug, a convenient distraction from the influence of the nanobots.
It is possible that Planet Google will be built using a modified version of the Google Earth software.
Also a side note here Donald Trump has decided to build a hotel/Casino on Planet Google!
[edit] gHouses
Along with Planet Google, they have also introduced gHouses, a revolutionary way of living. gHouses are completely free, and come with 2859 Acres of land (and counting), so you never have to throw anything away. It's not so simple to get a gHouse however; each person with a gHouse has a certain number of invites they can send to friends, and getting an invite is the only way you can join. This ensures that the entire planet will be populated by a single uber-clique, so Planet Googlers will never have to put up with annoying losers again. If losers happen to scrounge an invite from someone, gHouses' built-in loser filter will automatically sort their house into slums far away from cool inhabitants.
So far, Oscar Wilde is the only person known to have a gHouse. It isn't known if he has sent out any invites yet, or indeed if he is ever going to send any out. It is also rumoured that you may Ask Cthulhu for an invite.
[edit] Government
On Planet Google, Google will reign supreme as the sole government, and all citizens will require a compulsory injection of nanobots. This will allow Google to collect a mammoth amount of valuable consumer information, giving their government a hefty surplus. Hence, living on Planet Google will be completely tax-free!
Google will also use these nanobots to deliver targeted advertising directly into people's heads. Google dismissed privacy concerns, saying, "This can only be a good thing, now you'll know exactly what you want to buy before you even know you want it!". Many men have expressed concern over the penis enlargement advertisements which will likely appear every time they go to the toilet. Google is expected to make the vast majority of its advertising revenue from the adult industry.
Another way that google could use these nanobots is to make evil clones of people on planet google and send them to Earth to wipe us all out. Once again, Google denies this, saying "I'm not a heartless Vogon".
[edit] Search
Planet Google Search™ is another drawcard of life on Planet Google. Have you ever lost your remote controls? How about your dog or your sanity or your will to live? Now with Planet Google Search™, these Earthly predicaments will supposedly be a thing of the past. According to Google, you will be able to search and find what you are looking for almost instantly. However, Uncyclopedia suspects that people will be bombarded with advertisements as usual whenever they make a search. According to Google's We Know Better Than Anyone calculations, an individual searching for their dog is desperate to purchase twelve bags of dog biscuits and move to Brazil.
Initiating a Planet Google Search™ will be as easy as confessing to the nanobots that you have lost something. Once they have stopped sparking with gIggles, they will send the results to your gToaster in your preferred format; printed on either gPoptarts or gCrumpets.
[edit] Controversy
Uncyclopedians the world over were outraged at Google's latest venture, because it appears that Uncyclopedia's Mars base, once a major hub of activity for Martian Uncyclopedians, has been removed from the surface of mars.
This is just the latest in Google's campaign of Censorship of Uncyclopedia. Google made no official comment, but one anonymous Google employee was quoted as saying, "We're going to Fucking Kill™ Uncyclopedia! This is the sixth time we are going to do so and we are becoming exceedingly efficient at it."
[edit] More Controversy
Google recently went to the Solar system's Court of Justice over the scandal of deleting the Uncyclopedia main page from its popular search engine. Google just said "I just wanna listen to Good Charlotte right now and get out of this courtroom".
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
- mars.google.com - Clear, indisputable evidence of Google's efforts in recolouring Mars to the tune of the Google logo.
| Planets |
|---|
| Confirmed (Solar System): Freddy Mercury / Mercury | Venus | Luton | Earth/Lyons/iEarth/World | Disney World | Planet Hollywood | Mars | Planet Google | Globe | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus / Youranus | Neptune | Magrathea | Pluto (planet) |
| Confirmed (Exosolar): An T'ark-Ti'kah | Uncyclopedia | Discworld |
| Dwarf planets: Ceres | Pluto | 2003 UB313 | |
| Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron | Boob |
| Denied by CIA: Urth | Irk | Krypton | Michigan |
| In a galaxy far, far away: |
| Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Earth | Qo'noS | xxEarth Cxx |
| Loner Planets: Planet A | Planet AAA! | Wisconsin |
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