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Adolf Hitler is just one mascot in Sony's new evil advertising regime.

“PS3?? I shit on a PS3.”

~ Bill Gates on Shitting on a PS3.

“I don't know which is more ironic... that we rip them off or that they will ever, ever know. Ever.”

~ Sony on PAL Region PS3s

“It requires a significant financial investment, 599 U.S dollars.”

~ Ken Kutaragi on how to spend your 599 U.S dollars.

“This stinks, I have to pay $1000 Australian Dollars! Well, at least the U.S. have recession”

~ Australian Gamer on PS3- How to spend your 1000 Australian dollars.

The PLAYSTATION 3 is a console that runs on pure money, 399.99 US Dollars to the mile, being marketed by Sony as the successor to the Playstation 2. It took five million kitten huffing sessions and a $500 Billion investment from Sony to develop and has so far made the company an incredible profit of $27.46.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about PlayStation 3.

Functions

The future of online micro transaction payments.

The PLAYSTATION 3 is an "orgasm in a box" for gamers, states Kaz Hirai in an interview. It boasts a complex multitude of different things to do. Aside from being able to play movies, music, games, and receive randsom demands from super villians on its' radio receiver and wide screen projecter. It has built in savanna Simulator, psychic detection array, a PSG (a built in PlayStation Grill for losing your life while barbequeing your steak), time machine, flashlight, online banker, and a molecular transporter. It is also includes aweapon of mass destruction. With additional add-ons, it can also be a Sylvan learning center, McDonalds, small island, Starbucks, revolving gun rack, black hole generator, large hadron collider, Death Star, Tachyon power laser generator, doorstop, plastic PS3 casebell, whistles, helicopter, microphone, speakerphone, Telephone, megaphone, phone phone, cell phone,Banana phone, and the cure to cancer, and a heater. Plus, many other features advertised and unannounced by Sony or any other companies!

Price

The price of the PS3 consists of an arm or an arm AND leg both expelled with high velocity from the nose. It will retail for $599 USD for the premium pimped pack (PPP). The "tard" pack retails for just $499 USD. For the other price ranges on other countries for launch, Sony hasn't released the specifications yet, however, Sony intends to target the "Stupid American Consumer" this launch and is only releasing in Amerika. "Crazy" Ken Kutaragi boasts that PLAYSTATION 3 will "completely sell out our goofy named competitor in no time". Sony is currently preparing for launch, distributing the 200 PS3's throughout the country, except of course for Alaska and Hawaii, they don't count because they aren't connected to the mainland. Kutaragi also gratuitously laments that "We are doing the consumer a favor by pricing the PLAYSTATION 3 so low, it's a bargain for a Deth-Ray playing supercomputer, but we had to scrap our plans for the $1,000 price tag due to some of our analysts recent suicides."

The PS3 Grill. Tasty!

Alternate Models

Several alternate models with different features will be made available. One of the earliest alternates to be released will be the PS3 Grill. Sony is working in conjunction with James Kingham & Brendan Foley to develop this masterpiece (even though the more well known George Foreman solely created the prototype design). "The PS3Grill's BBQ chip, the RBSX "Real BBQ Synthesizer" based on Nvidia technology, revolutionizes the way taste is created." says Kutaragi. And it certainly seems to be shaping up nicely. "With BBQ technology this powerful, we expect to sell millions" claims Sony representative Mitsuru Fujitsu. "You just wait and see." The model is now integrated standard with every PS3.

Videos

"It requires a huge financial investment; 599 US Dollars." -Kaz Hirai

• E3 Press Conference Overview

• He has 3 PS3

• Ps3 song

Launch

The PS3 launch has been subject to much hype and clamor since the very announcement of PS3. Corporate heads of the Playstation division have stated to aim for a worldwide Spring 2006 launch. Due to inexplicable malfunctions with the Deth-Ray die-ode and a shortage on on PS3 logos, the Spring 2006 worldwide launch was pushed back for a November 17th launch date. Although this is nothing hardly new to people, Sony decided to take it one step further. In early October, the Sony corporation redefined it's definition for "The World" by excluding every country but Japan and North America. The Europeans, no longer part of The World, must now settle for the March 2012 Lunar base launch for the International Space station currently orbiting Earth. The Russian astronauts are excited for the PS3 launch, and plan on playing it as soon as they are cryogenically unfrozen from their preservation pods upon arriving from Mars and landing on the ISS. On November 11, 2006, in an effort to honor United States military veterans, the PS3 was launched in Japan. All 97 supercomputers alloted to the country sold out within minutes. Shinjuku Yodobashi, who obtained the first PS3 sold, began his wait in line shortly before the release of the PS2 six years earlier. Sony immediately proclaimed the launch a success, saying that the PS3 was the "fastest selling console ever".

Riots broke out in America when mad fans scrambled to gather PS3's. Few would actually play the games, while most would sell the system for over $9000 USD on eBay. The National Guard was deployed to dozens of game stores nationwide. Hundreds of people were killed or injured by Drive-by B.B. Gun shootings, running into pillars, or general violence. Hundreds froze to death in New England waiting for the stores to open. In one case, an anonymous person opened a Fire hydrant and sent countless liters/gallons of water into a crowd rioting over the two PS3's given to the store. The below-freezing temperatures caused dozens to be frozen in place or to die of Hypothermia.

In Europe, many people have cited the fact that you can find them anywhere, only a week after launch. Indeed, in one shop, there were 7 PS3s, and Wiis (released months earlier), were sold out. This is probably because no one wants one.

Macrotransactions

With the new online currency teleportation system, Sony boasts the future of dominating the future of payments. The numerous ports are compatible with all major forms of currency, including credit cards and checks. The Yen, Euro, Dollar, Loonie, Quid, Frank, Peso, rupee, dinar, Pula, Gil and human limbs. The built in currency acceptor is currently adorned with Amerikan Currency, because Amerika is it's current target. Later editions will presumably be adorned with foreign currency, or the ability to sell portions of your soul, but this is heresay.

This feature will allow the obliviously proud few owners of a PLAYSTATION 3 to make online macrotransactions that will enable specific in-game features, such as being able to turn on the PLAYSTATION 3, change the volume level, eject the Deth-ray disc, or purchase Sony stocks (a feature which only accepts cash. They saved money by incorporating this feature directly in the shredder option).

Versions

There are 10 million PlayStation 3 version, each one of them total rip-offs.

Did you know...

The PlayStation 4 has built-in self destruct button, which is pressed every four hours of play.

• PAL Version: The Australian and European releases of the PlayStation 3 are all over-priced and have no hardrive. All the main features were removed: Deth-Ray Player, PlayStation 2 compatibility, PlayStation 3 compatibility, reducing the machines to empty shells which make funny buzzing noises. It still costs $1000. Sony just pockets the difference. Hold on... that's a fact.

• "I'm better than Halo" version: After Sony realized that the Xbox 360 had won the console war, they promptly relesaed the "I'm better than Halo" version, which has pictures of Master Cheif being raped by the Chimera (from Resistance: Fall of Man) on the console. The console also had Xbox 360 burning technology - that is, any Xbox 360 game inserted is BURNED. It costs $50,000 and comes with a free faulty Deth-Ray disc.

Japan's PS3

On the opening day of the TGS 06(Tokyo Games Show 2006)the Japanese Government launched its Japanese PS3 plan. As of today (20/Sept/2006)all woruking Japanese men and women will pay an extra 12% Tax to help purchase a PS3 for Japan. The diet hope to be one of the few groups able to get a launch PS3 but are willing to wait until 2007 if they have to. The plan will cost as much as most working class "Salary Men" would earn in their entire working life.

Oh yes it's a great way for us(Japan) to get behind our great businesses like Sony. ~ Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi on the JPS3 plan.

We are glad that now all Japanese men, women, and children will now have a chance to play PS3." ~ Ken Kutaragi on JPS3 plan.

The Diet

The Diet intends to have a draft timetable drawn up by the end of TGS with celebrities like Takeshi Kaga and Godzilla likely to be amongst the first to get a chance at playing the PS3.

Critics have slammed the JPS3 plan saying that it could cause damage to the health and well being of the Japanese people at large.

Chirdren and youngu adults will notu be ablu to resisot the incredibru graphics and Kojima excrusives. So much so that they wiru noto getu enough physical excerusizu to maintaino a healthy lifestyle. - Kōrō-shō Japanese Health Minister on JPS3 plan

It was proposed that the money be used to purchase as many Nintendo Wii as possible inseted.

For that sort of money we could get every single Wii produced. - Kōrō-shō further comments on JPS3 plan.

These where not the only problems raised by the opposition of the plan.

Only Junichiro would spend twice our annual income on one thing! - Kazuo Shii leader of the JCP on the JPS3 plan.

Further claims

He also calimed that it was likely Koizumi would use his power to make sure only he and hid friends got it on weekends and birthdays.

It is unclear as of yet whether or not the Diet has plans to get more PS3s when the price drops later in the cycle but hopes are high that buy 2010 there should be enough PS3s for everyone to get at least 9 minutes a year of gameplay time.

More as news develops.

Criticisms

The early "Retro Bling-Bling" prototype was dropped for something more consumer friendly, like a grill.

For the PLAYSTATION 3? Some game magazines have lambasted Sony for "being too good of a deal" and "having too many multi-media features!" Price has also been an issue for consumers, as the consumers who want the PS3 questioned the ability to afford one. Sony has responded these claims with "Get a job, and work extra shifts, even if you don't want one" quote from Ken Kuturagi The numerous delays and graphical downgrades from E3 05 have also met complaints, as many felt that Sony had lied to them. Sony never lies, they just forget to tell the truth. When people complained about the original Boomerang shaped input-device, Sony immediately gave in to the hastily put together online petition and changed it back to the same innovative design that was used for the past decade, for added measure, Sony decided for their controller to mimic that of their competitors, by that of the Xbox 360's triggers, convexed. The PS3 also has a tilt sensor, which Playstation research and development claims was inspired by a favorite gameboy game. Some have argued that its feature that allows it to play games is a detriment to its more important primary features. There have also been outrageous claims that the PLAYSTATION 3 controller might not be entirely original.

Trivia

Trivia sections are not playable on the PS3!

The article could be improved by reading it upside-down, or something, I dunno. Did you know it's impossible to lick your own elbow? Unless you're some kind of freak.

• Sony's choice of omitting the rumble feature is because "rumble is last gen, and next-gen doesn't start until Wii say(s) so!
• The PSP will be compatible with PLAYSTATION 3. Media files on PSP can be wirelessly sent to PLAYSTATION 3 and where the Deth-Ray technology will refuse to play them.
• The "power brick" of the PLAYSTATION 3 is inside of the supercomputer, this will help keep the system warmer, and force users to replace entire system.^[1]
• Since the 360 has a weight of 5 Kilotons the Playstation 3 weighs in at 4.95 Kilotons
• Sony also claims that PLAYSTATION 3 will be as quiet as the Playstation 2^[2]
• Sony has trademarked PLAYSTATION 3 in All caps.[1]
• The amazing Spider-Man has sued the Playstation division for infinging upon his copyrighted font.
• The PS3 is so incredible you won't need another console for decades!^[3]
• It won't burn down your house, but the losers who didn't get their pre-order might.
• Sony will be sending PLAYSTATION 3 back in time for a pre-historic release date.
• It's the general consensus that PLAYSTATION 3 blows.^[4]
• Hackers can discover a hidden Playstation 3 commercial made exclusively for the U.K. This commercial shows V (For "Vandetta") saying "Remember Remember the seventeenth of November", followed by a Benny Hill chase between the 15 people who'll get one, fans who didn't get their preorders, and scantily clad women.
• The PLAYSTATION 3 is actually powered by the souls of small children it harvests while left unattended at night.
• PS1 and PS2 games can play on the PS3, 29 of them.
• PS3 comes bundled with a plush giant enemy crab^[5].
• the PS3's fan is said to be twice as loud as a jet plane's reactors.
• The PS3 has a self-defence mechanism which causes it to explode soon after turning it on for the first time, forcing you to buy another, which then explodes, and it goes on.
• A PS3 in the bush is worth shitall on Ebay.
• In Russia, PS3 shits on YOU!!!!!
• Mr. T is the only one who can end the PS3's reign of terror... so QUIT YOUR JIBBER-JABBIN' FOOL!!!

Remember

You're paying for potential as there potentially will be a game worth buying at some stage.

See also

PSWii 360

External Links

• PS3 Startup Screen leaked
• The consumer registers a complaint
• Kanye was just stating the obvious.
• Tell me you wouldn't cook your sausage on this.
• Wii vs. PS3, an analogy

Notes

1. ↑ If there is a fault with your PLAYSTATION 3 power supply, Sony recommends you call your local radiation emergency hotline.
2. ↑ Unless switched on.
3. ↑ Until the PS4 is released, then you need to buy it, because you don't really want to play crappy last gen games on a PS3 do you?
4. ↑ Reversing the cooling fans the PLAYSTATION 3 can be made to suck instead.
5. ↑ Sold Separately, giant tongs required