PlayStation Portable

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The PSP playing Dance Dance Revolution Extreme Max Portable Remix

The PSP, or Porn Station Portable (name was picked because of the system being used by many teens (and a mysterious man called MrThursday) as a porno device) is a Sony handheld system, famously known for having one screen rather than the double... um... ness of the two-screened DS, which fucks people's minds, made by the rival company Nintendo. The game Lumines made the PSP famous as a tool used for making Jamie Elmijidowi a Noob/Wigger.

[edit] History

A pair of soldiers attempting to hack into the enemy's wireless connection

The PSP is rumoured to be a gaming device. This is a myth; it is actually an mobile phone without the "phone" part.

[edit] UMD

[edit] Utility of Mass Destruction

In 1976, an event known as the "Hacker Sacking" occurred. Twelve Japanese soldiers, busy breaking into an American network, were ambushed and taken back to an American base hidden in sacks; the Japanese soldiers were unable to defend themselves whilst using their PSPs. The Japanese government decided that anyone busy operating a PSP would have to have some chance of defending themselves. A team of researchers came up with the idea for the UMD: when a small catch on the front of the PSP was released, a small but effective nuclear disk was launched out towards the target. The blast from the disk was strong enough to take down two tanks within close proximity or fifty soldiers.

The effectiveness of the UMD was questioned in 1984, after a number of Japanese soldiers had been among the fatalities of their own UMD's. In recent years, UMD's have apparently been re-marketed in a number of Eastern European countries as an effective, low cost, drain unclogger.

A Sony executive demonstrates the features of the PSP.

[edit] "Universal" Media Disc

"Universal Media Disc" is a backronym for UMD. This term refers to the fact that the UMD will only run on the PSP and will universally be useless for any other machine, player, or console. Sony views this as a personal accomplishment, and laughs at those who do not see it their way.

[edit] Undefined mashing device

The UMD was originally made as a potato masher... only it was too fragile, and served no proper purpose as a masher. The team who made this strange device then decided it was time for a change, and put some fancy encryptions and a plastic casing on the device. It still didn't work as a masher, but they found worked well in other devices, such as the PSP.

[edit] Firmware Upgrades

A source of much annoyance among the home brew software development community is the regular firmware upgrades released by Sony which disables third-party code running on the PSP. Updates are forcibly administered by swarms of Sony branded nanites; failure to comply with the nanites intentions usually ends with them reassembling your entire molecular structure into a particularly pungent variety of French cheese.

However, the actual reason for these upgrades is to mask the fact that the PSP is actually built upon the obsolete hardware of a hyper-intelligent 5th generation Japanese toaster oven. To prove this claim, simply insert a urine drenched swab into the PSP's USB socket. The unit will, as any reputable Japanese home appliance does, issue a detailed report on your physical health including blood sugar, cholesterol, and lead-based paint consumption levels.

Sony is not afraid to use shock-tactics to secure itself a white supremacist customer base.

Just recently, the firmware update 6.66 was released giving the PSP the ability to have wifi anywhere, even in hell.

[edit] Price

The PSP "Value Pack" was originally released in the United States with a price tag of an arm, a leg, and your left testicle. It is important to note that in Japan it was sold for the greatly reduced price of an arm, a leg, and half of your left testicle. Recently, Sony released a bundle package, the "Giga Pack". The main difference is that a Memory Stick™ with enough memory to actually be useful was added, and the price was increased to your first-born child.

In Spring 2007, the PSP "Tera Pack" was released, giving the PSP a terabyte of memory. Although this memory was very useful, the cost of the package was your Mother's Ovary, plus one half of your father's testicle . Or if you wanted to, you could give both, and half a pint of virgin's blood (Your Blood).

In late Spring 2007, the PSP's price was cut to your ENTIRE reproductive system. Women can keep half a boob. Sony isn't THAT maniacal. *ahem*Microsoft*cough*

[edit] LocationFree Booker T

The LocationFree Booker T was introduced to make use out of the terrible, expensive feature that was the LocationFree Player. It used USB-A to Mini-B cables and a standard toaster. It used a new Bread Format, UMB Universal Media Bread to much annoyance, as the DVB Dynamic Video Bread Bread Format was the leading bread format used in all toasters. The LocationFree Booker T also made very good Pop-Tarts and Eggos.