Plumber
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Don't talk to me about plumbers. I've had a leaky spout for several days now and yet he still hasn't arrived with his tools!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Plumbers
The most competent plumber ever
Contents |
[edit] The History of Plumbers
Plumbers are cleverly disguised weapons of mass destruction. They were first introduced as people who would fix your toilet. But that's just what they wanted you to think. Their main weapon is the deadly plumber crack. This occurs when the plumbers bend over and reveal their buttcrack. There has to be something growing in there, like moldy cheese. I, the writer, am a survivor of this horrific tourture. It's not pleasant. If this tactic doesn't work, they dothe unthinkable... ask for a glass of water. The only tactic to escape this known to man is to just tell them that you have no clean dishes. Luckily, when I encountered this problem, I remembered a program I had seen on the Discovery Channel. Contrary to popular beleif, if you punch a plumber in the nose, they don't go away... they take you to court. Some more advanced plumbers have guns in their oh so dangerous cracks. If you are mailed the ever dangerous flyer by one of these feinds than do not open it. It may carry SARS. I advise burning it or huffing it. Stay away from all plumbers, I can speak from first hand experiance, they are dangerous.
[edit] The Buttcrack
Legend has it that the plumber buttcrack was invented by Richard Simmons because he found sexy. It has not been confirmed, but it has been hinted before. The most famous of these incidents was when Richard Simmons was Primce William's date to a costume party. The prince was a Nazi, Richard was a plumber. The buttcrack is most common in plumbers with normal names, such as Steve or Jim. You will never find a buttcrack in a plumber named Nathaniel. Another theory is Micheal Jackson has a fetish for kids dressed like plumbers showing their buttcracks, and one day realized that his fetish could be used to support terrorism. Although, most people dismiss this as bullshit. We do know one thing for sure, a gay man invented the plumbercrack.
[edit] Defensive Stratigies
If you are approched by a plumber tell them that your neighbor has a leaky toilet and huge boobs. They like these things. Better it's their problem than yours. Also, plumbers are highly overwieght and not athletic. Therefore, if you tell them that you know kung fu they will go fix your hot nieghbor's crapper. If none of these stratigies work then do the obvious, kick them in the balls.
[edit] Possible Relatives of the Plumber
It is a widley accepted theory that plumbers a related to Mexican yardworkers. They both kinda scare you, and are doing the work you don't want to. Although it is fun to laugh at these "people", don't say it to their face, they are dangerous. Another Mexican relative of the plumbers is the streetside flower sellers. They are just poor, not dangerous. If they do become aggresive, just hit them with your car. Avoid all of these beings, and perhaps you'll live. --User:Thedaniel 15:08, 14 March 2006 (UTC)
