Pokémon
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| OH NO! This page contains Pokémon! Don't get hit by flying members of Team Rocket, and make sure that dumb bitch Misty doesn't steal your bike! |
“Lol!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pokemon
Pokémon (ポケモン) is multi-billion dollar franchise owned by the Nintendo corporation. Nintendo keeps the franchise running strong by making each new title innovative, fresh yet indistinguishable from previous titles. The concept revolves around various people stuffing small animals into tiny hollow orbs and forcing them to fight each other. It is likely that this idea lead to the rapid increase in animal abuse by kids.
Note: This article is about Pokémon in general.
For the actual battles, which the games are based on, see Pokémon Battles. For the show, see Pokemon (Show).
Other related articles can be found at the Pokémon Center
Contents |
Pokémon Red
| Pokémon Red | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Red |
| Would Natalie Portman play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Blue
| Pokémon Blue | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Blue |
| Would Jerry Jackson play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Green
| Pokémon Green | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Green |
| Would Stephen Hawking play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Yellow
| Pokémon Yellow | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Yellow |
| Would Sterling Morton play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Gold
| Pokémon Gold | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Gold |
| Would Albert Einstein play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Silver
| Pokémon Silver | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Silver |
| Would Sun Tzu play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Crystal
| Pokémon Crystal | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Crystal |
| Would Carlos Mencia play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Ruby
| Pokémon Ruby | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Ruby |
| Would Shaquille O'Neal play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Sapphire
| Pokémon Sapphire | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Sapphire |
| Would Gordon Brown play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Emerald
| Pokémon Emerald | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Emerald |
| Would Mr. T play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon FireRed
| Pokémon FireRed | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | FireRed |
| Would Joseph Stalin play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon LeafGreen
| Pokémon LeafGreen | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | LeafGreen |
| Would Queen Elizabeth I play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Diamond
| Pokémon Diamond | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Diamond |
| Would Matt Groening play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Pearl
| Pokémon Pearl | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Pearl |
| Would David Beckham play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon Platinum
| Pokémon Platinum | |
|---|---|
| | |
| Developer | The Japanese |
| Release Date | to United States children for mind-control |
| Genre | Enslavement |
| Platforms | GameBoy |
| Rating | Platinum |
| Would Wario the Quario play it? | Not likely |
Child mind-control at its finest, Pokémon (Japanese: ポケモン) was invented by the ancient Greeks but was only recently released to the world at large due to significant hold-ups in the patent office, although many believe it to be the work of the underworld.
Based loosely on the conviction that kids actually suck and can only be permitted to live insofar as they will eventually become not-kids, the Greeks sought the implementation of the Pokémon as a means of occupying the little buggers long enough to allow the adults to sneak out to late night bingo and philosophy death-matches near the fountain south of the Parthenon.
Sadly, the Greeks were unable to occupy their children in this manner, owing to the fact that none of the little brats wanted to train their L3 Jigglypuff after seeing the kick-ass Charizard on the box, and were eventually forced to eat them or train them in the ways of beer-vending (as many beer-vendors were being killed off when the bingo and philosophy death-matches got out of hand).
When Pokémon was finally pushed through the patent office and introduced to the world, children had already developed an immunity to it by breathing toxins released into the upper atmosphere by millions of Japanese Soy Sauce cooking "incidents." Greeks on the other hand went on to invent one of the world's most beloved product lines. The publishment of the game launched many Pokémon careers. Charizard starred in a Japanese remake of the classic, "Godzilla" but was fired after allegedly consuming the director, Kawasaki Mitsubishi. Others, who weren't so lucky, resorted to other sources for sustenance. Jigglypuff and Ditto assumed a career as a crack addicted whore on Nevada street corners. Ditto was especially popular, as it turned into anything you wanted. Jigglypuff was forced to sing as a pathetic attempt to get some recognition.
Pokémon
| |
| Pokémon: | Electrode - Charmander - Grue - Hyundai - Jigglypuff - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mewtwo - Midna - Mudkip - Pichu - Pikachu - Prophet polywag - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Whangdoodle - Wobbuffet - Togepi - Pikachu (Ash) - Piplup - Manaphy - Torchic - Mew - Yoshi |
| People: | Ash - Ash Rectum - Team Rocket - Misty - Brock - Professor Oak - Nurse Joy - May (Pokemon) - Max (Pokemon) - Officer Jenny - Pokemon Kid - Eric Dickerson - Dawn |
| Other: | Pikachu seizure - Pikachusetts - Pokémon Battles - Pokémon (The Funny Version) - Windows FireRed/LeafGreen - Anime series - PokeBitches - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - Pokemon (Show) - List of Pokémon - UnNews - Christian Symbology - FCC censorship |
Categories: Pokemon | Video games | Axis of Evil-Doers | Toys | Cartoons | Games | Anime | Redundancy
