Pole dancing
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“Pole dancing is the worst workout ever. Try getting smaller while watching some smexy Easter European Girl do a Pole dance.”
The subtle and dangerous art of dancing atop a very high pole, mainly done on Loveparade.
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[edit] Ethnic origins
Pole dancing is a traditional Polish ethnic dance which originated in 1945 in the major Polish seaport of Danzig (Gdansk). Passed on from generation to generation across Poland, the techniques of pole dancing have nonetheless remained secret from outsiders, being obscured through the mysteries of reverse polish notation.
[edit] Competitive dance
Legally, a dance-pole may be no more than 4 inches in diameter at the top, though most professional pole dancers prefer a thinner pole in order to demonstrate their skills. World record holder Sergei Pizza is famed for dancing on a pole over 30 metres (456 yards) high, sharpened to a needle-like point. On this occasion Mr. Pizza wore special shoes of a fine Kevlar weave. Proceeds from DVD sales of this event go to "Pole Relief", a charity dedicated to destroying the Third World.
However some people claim that in August 1991 brought the tallest pole on earth (this one of Konstantynow in Poland) to collapse, because he tried to dance on it. But this is not proof.
Sponsorship of pole-dancers is growing, with young polemics (as they like to be known) able to command deals in excess of $6m p.a. The majority of sponsorship money is spent on new poles and dance accessories; the traditional cape, baggy trousers, studded latex vest and elizabethan ruff available only from specialist bookstores.
During the 1998 finals of the "Top Pole" contest, contestant Dr. Jean Abulard slipped and fell onto a particular well polished pole. The pole entered the doctor's rectum , worked it's way upward through the body and emerged from the mouth. Dr. Abulard tried to hold position by use of tongue pressure, but began to slip down the pole, eventually coming to rest 250 feet below, with the pole rising majestically from the doctor's mouth. Hilarity ensued.
To qualify as a pole dancer, newcomers are expected to have mastered modern dance, jazz dance, the four-four-two step with sweeper system, and contemporary combat gymnastics.
[edit] Entertainment Dancing
In recent years, pole dancing has become a popular spectator sport (some say due to the Abulard incident). It is not uncommon to see one or more poles permanently set up in an open space for exhibitions, though they will usually be capped to discourage unliscensed dancers from injuring themselves (the Pole-Dancer's Union is particularly vicious, rumored to be behind many greased-pole accidents). Unlike competitive pole dancing, where only one person performs at a time, it is not uncommon for many people to work at the same time, competing for the audience's attention. This is very dangerous, as the dancers. are likely to attempt dangerous stunts. During the late 70's and early 80's, there was a short fad of having more than one person on a pole. However after a particularly greusome incident in Washington, this practice was banned by the Pole-Dancer's union as unsafe.
[edit] Young Blood
Ever since young Poles found out that people have been dancing around their cousins and aunts and uncles and sisters and mums and dads and grandads and grandmums and second hand cousins (who, by-the-way are, waiting to be pimped) second hand brothers and their neighbours (who, by-the-way, they hate themselves anyway), they decided that they should try to do some Pole dancing themselvs. But, as all Poles are Bat Fuck Insane their dancing has become so extreme that only pure blood Poles could do it (with exception of Chuck Norris and Bruce Campbell of course). And even those who's blood is pure enough, usually don't dare to try, what has been named - The Super Bat Fuck Insane Ultimate Super Special Awesome Pole Dancing. Those who did dare formed a League. And they called themselves: The Super Bat Fuck Insane Ultimate Super Special Awesome Pole Dancing Union.
[edit] See also
Categories: Not safe for work | Dance | Ethnicities | Sexuality | Poland | Polls
