Police

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“Why call the police, have the retard escape”

~ Borat on the Police

The P.O.L.I.C.E. (post office lice) are an organization acting as a tool for the government dedicated to fighting criminals for the good of all mankind and all upstanding citizens. They also beat you up for nothing, especially in Mexico or if you're black. If you sniff crack cocaine, you're in for it! Also, the police are not actually men in the same way that Alan Partridge is NOT A MAN! The police are the professional enforcers employed by the government to harass anybody who isn't a white evangelical. Police are known to be bred out of American bigotry, cloned Krispy Kreme cells, and a 81.7% psychological profile similar to Hitler.

Contents 1 Police Duties 2 How To Become One With The Police 3 Konvix and the Police 4 Quotes on Police 5 Origin of the word 6 Other Uses of "Police" 7 Common names used for the Police 8 See also

[edit] Police Duties

Police are our protectors and are required to complete several duties in order to protect society. Some of these being:

• Eat Donuts
• Smoking Pot
• Shoot black people
• Planting evidence
• Shooting unarmed citizens
• Finding your semen at the crime scene
• Planting your semen at the crime scene
• Sing songs about Roxanne who doesn't need to wear that dress tonight
• Sing songs about Roxanne who doesn't need to put on a red light
• Shooting people in the face
• Planting drugs/weapons on dark-skinned individuals
• Laundering money
• Giving people tickets for things that are insanely stupid, like walking too fast.
• Abusing ethnic minorities
• Racially profiling motorists
• Preventing Samuel L Jackson from going on a motherfucking plane with motherfucking snakes.
• Patronizing and annyoing people
• Singing about bottles with messages in them
• Trying to be The Clash, failing, but still being awesome anyway.
• Firing their guns unnecessarily in the wee hours of the morning
• Sitting around in their car and waste city tax money that could go to something useful like coke and whores
• Stealing drugs from dealers, and passing them around the precinct.
• Beating up your black ass
• Stopping looters
  • I was kidding, they're the ones doing the looting
    • Well...them and the black people...
      • Hey now, it's not just the blacks. It's anyone who needed food.
        • Yeah, food, ok. But an assault rifle?
          • Hey, what if we needed to hunt a bear...eating, shark-killing...monster?
            • Shut up, just shut up, would you?
              • No. In fact, I'm going to prove to you just how necessary-
                • That's it, I'm calling police.
                  • I am the Police...?
                    • Just shut up and get in the car...
• Being corrupt in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE
• Constructing blue time machines (practice halted in the 1960s)
• Going on stakeouts
• Eat donuts (was this mentioned?)
• Often getting killed on their retirement day
• Eating people such as Wikipedia "experts"
• Listening to stereotypical crap spouted by the very people who go running to them when their self centred little lives get upset in any way whatsoever
• Hauling in people who are drunk in public, but not otherwise hurting anyone.
• Riding stinkin' dead horses like that Harry Potter fag
• Being white
• Being bums
• Being dumb
• Being cunts
• Wielding tasers (and using them on those who intend to get their message across to Mr. Kerry)
• Protecting Michael Jackson from angry gay rights activists (not even his own people will accept him)
• Attending to noise complaints, quieting said noise, returning to noise complaint, yelling at noise complaint, leaving noise complaint, receiving same noise complaint, finding old lady who sent noise complaint, taking old lady who filed noise complaint and driving her to a different precinct, attending to missing persons report (for the old lady? haha)
• Attacking protesters
• Eat Donuts again
• Deny people's rights
• Eat Donuts (and again!)
• Molesting Minors
• Shooting people (again!)
• molesting micheal jackson
• encoraging paris hilton to make another sex tape
• running over your mom
• Jacking into GTA and kicking your ass there
• None of the above
  • Only kidding!
    • Or am I?
      • No

[edit] How To Become One With The Police

Common to all police is a very medium, or lower IQ, a nonexistant study education, a certain enjoyment of dominance (psychological or physical), and a hatred of justice. Citizens with these traits are eligible to become one with the police. You have to be arrogant, annoying and be willing to spend hunderds of dollars on donuts. Every year millions...I mean BILLIONS of citizens are trained and recruited into national law enforcement organizations. They are taught how to loaf, waste time, complain about the paperwork they have to do, and be generally useless. Also every single one of these potential police has to memorize and recite by heart 'The Police Oath'. [1] Upon doing this a citizen is transmogrified into a ass-kicking, donut-eating cop. They are then given their first badge and collection of large precision firearms, batons, and tear gas. Though occasionally they may fight crimes that don't involve a black person being the criminal, they spend most of the time at Dunkin' Donuts eating donuts and crying to General Hospital.

[edit] Konvix and the Police

Konvix is an internationaly known rap group formed up of 100 "niggaz". Konvix and the police have had a long since been rivals of each other. It is said to be true (all though covered up by the government) 100% of police who are murdered, are victims of Konvix.

[edit] Quotes on Police

• "So who eats the donuts and roughs up the transients?" ~ Guybrush Threepwood

• "God I fucking hate the police! FUCK FUCK FUCK!" ~ Every criminal and GTA player ever

• "I would take a bullet for any member of this fine organization...as long as the bullet is a blowjob...and not from a fattie..." ~ A police supporter

• "Officer, I swear I didn't know she was a minor!" ~ Michael Jackson

• "A.C.A.B! (All Cops Are Bastards)" ~ Me

• "Aww shiiit!" ~ some Hick

• "In Russia, bacon smell like YOU!" ~ Russian Reversal on police

• "Shit, I'm outta here!!!" ~ Scarface's "little friend" on seeing an army of taser wielding police.

• "F the poe-poe-poelice." ~ NWA

• "Book 'em Danno!"

• "Police? They're fookin' shiiiiiiiiiiiite!!! Eh? Oh ya mean those wankers in funny hats? They foookin' shite too!" ~ Liam Gallagher

• "The poleece are impooooortannnnnnt tooo oour sociiiiiiiety George W. Bush

• "Pie 4 lief u fascist bastards! lol" ~ Marflag

• "You're under arrest for bein' black!" ~Every cop ever, even black cops.

• "did you see the size of those boobs"

• "What's the colour of a one cent piece? Copper"

• "RUN NIGGA!" ~ Tupac Shakur

• "Officer, would you hold my beer while I get my ID?" ~ George W. Bush's lovely daughter

• "Damn man, you had to drive fast to keep up with me" ~ Anyone from Central Texas

• "And I would've gotten away with it, officer, if it wasn't for those meddling kids." ~ costumed bad guys foiled by Scooby Doo and friends

• "Book 'im, Lou while I go get donuts."-Chief Wiggum

• "Woop Woop, that's the sound of tha police, woop woop, that's the sound of tha beast." ~ Oscar Wilde

• "I fuckin' hate them..." ~ Johnny Rotten on Sting and the Police

• "I knew we should've gone with another name..." ~ Sting's bandmate on the above quote

• "Get the fuck out then why don'tcha?" ~ Sting on his bandmate

• "Ohhh those police..." ~ Johnny Rotten on reading a dictionary

• "Cawl da po-leese! Cawl da po-leese!" ~ The average Black woman whenever annoyed

• "A conspiracy to cage the poor"~ Leftover Crack on The Police

• "I hate fuckin' them..." ~ Johnny Rotten on the LAPD

[edit] Origin of the word

Although the linguistic world still debates over this, it is generally agreed that police comes from two words: "poo'" and "lice" because thats what they are. In 1983 a young Swedish girl called Lisa went bankrupt. Her friends beat her up and called her "Poor Lisa", or "police".

[edit] Other Uses of "Police"

Police may also refer to a written certificate, eg. you should have read the small print on your police.

[edit] Common names used for the Police

• THE ROZZAS
• BABYLON
• White Devil (most popular)
• Po-Po
• SHIT, STASH THE DOPE!
• Fat Fags
• Bum rapers
• Poo-Poo
• Five-Oh
• The Heat
• Muff
• Cock Suckers
• Donut Fuckers
• Fat Fucks
• Wanta be big man faggots
• The Law
• Queer Blues Fags
• Fuzzy Muff
• Leche- used in puerto rico spanish for milk
• Pig
• Bacon
• L.A.P.D.
• Cops
• Motherfucker
• Child-killer
• White trash
• Roller Boys
• The Fuzz
• The Hot Fuzz
• Tha Man
• Oh SHIT!
• Racist
• Asshole
• Prick
• Bitch
• White ass motherfucker
• Hamster
• The Filth
• Po-lice (black variation)
• The Police (rarely used)
• PIGS
• some type of pork product
• RUN!!!

- Be sure to familiarize yourself with these phrases, so that when you hear someone exclaim: " I smell bacon up in this motherfucker", you can prepare yourself for a baton fuck from the Po-Po.

• Fat hungry bitches in blue and black suits who have aids from all the whores they raped in prison!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............BITCH!!!!!!!!!

• if you see da police warn a broder

[edit] See also

• Police officer
• Fat
• Pig
• Corruption
• Donuts
• ==donuts==
• Bad cop
• LAPD
• CACCPD
• Tampon
• Metropolitan Police
• Police Box
• Sheriff
• Shit
• Your Mom
• Rent-a-cop
• Homosexual
• Orcs