Politeness
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“GO FUCK YOURSELF”
~ Some Mean Guy on Politeness
“Politeness is the spice of life. Apart from err... spice.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Politeness
Politeness is the default behaviour of an Englishman. It is the Englishman's onus to extend politeness to anyone he meets, unless that person falls into one or more of the following categories:
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[edit] Overratedness
To many, politeness is overrated. This is true. No one is required to be polite these days. I mean, when I were a lad you'd get a thick ear if you spoke out of turn to your father, but these days it's all "whine-whine, moan-moan". Kids these days don't know they're born, I tell thee. Not a shred of gratitude for the food we put on their plates. When I were a lad we lived in a cardboard box in t'middle o't'road and we 'ad ter lick road clean wi' tongue fer dinner and you never 'eard me complainin'! It were all thanks dad this and thanks dad that and we were bloody grateful I tell yer.
[edit] Politeness in America
Any use of manners in America is viewed with skepticism, especially in the liberal enclaves of Portland Oregon or San Francisco. In those locations, the use of manners is seen as decadent and middle class, both are the bane of any true intellectual from the left coast.
[edit] Canadian
Canadian is also a synonym for polite. If you step on a Canadian's foot on the street, he will apologize for being in the way. If you shoot off his foot with a 9mm glock, he will apologize for wasting your bullet. If you laugh at him while he hops about holding the bloody stump of his leg, he will apologize for not having taken formal dance lessons.
But later after you leave, he will start to laugh, because the joke was on you. Your fly was undone.
[edit] History
Politeness originated as an awkward social convention that dates back as far as before the time of Jesus Christ, making it one of the oldest worlds in the world. Throughout the years, it's meaning has steadily evolved and been used as a name for a great many different activities, some of which we now refer to as 'hunting', 'murder', 'lynching' and picking on people who are weaker than yourself. Hence the prominence of the verb; to go 'polite-ing' in scriptures from the 1600s.
Today, the word 'polite' is a particularly useful word in social settings because no-one actually knows what it is, and therefore can be dropped into a sentence to create illusions of grandeur and supremacy over the uneducated. Its meaning has evolved so gradually yet consistently that it can also be used as an adjective, verb, adverb and sometimes even a noun given the correct setting, making it one of the most versatile words ever to have been invented by the UK.
The recommended usage of this word is no more than 3 times a day as approved by doctors; excessive inclusion of this word in conversations can lead to a spontaneous rage in its unfortunate victims.
[edit] Being polite
The general rules of being polite are -
-Not killing and eating peoples parents
-Not setting fire to everything in sight without warning and running off, cackling
-Not foaming at the mouth too much
-Not throwing Grues at people
