Ponies

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Ponies , or Pwnies, are some of natures most fearsome creatures. They are also very cute. They are prized for their giant size compared to cats, their tails, and their impressive Grue riding skills. As in Grues ride them. Into battle. Although there are no documented cases of a Grue battle, the Grue Central News Agency (GNCA), has reported this to be true. Recent controversial evidence has surfaced by news agency competitor, the Grue Broadcasting Assocation (GBA), that Grues may have faced the Owe-Em-Gees in an epic cavalry battle, during the Hyperspace wars. The Owe-Em-Gees preferred a more elusive species of ponies first discovered by RMS. Ponies are often referred to as 'Strontin' by their owners. They are known to be the most ferocious animal in Africa in terms of death and destruction.

[edit] Sniffing abilities

Ponies, like Rock Stars and Hollywood actors, are prized for their amazing drug sniffing abilities. They can sniff out a boatload of cocaine from 900 kilometres away, which isn't actually very useful as ponies can't communicate with customs officers and thus cannot point out the boat full of drugs heading into Los Angeles.

However, in Luxembourg, ponies are an invaluable asset, as the country is exactly 900 kilometres in diameter and thus anyone entering the country at the time that the pony reacts to drugs is summarily executed. This has happened 7 times.

Thousands of miniature ponies are also in the employment of Columbian drug cartels and Customs offices. These ponies, being 6.2 times smaller than your average pony, are excellent at detecting high quality drugs within 9 metres of the drugs. The way one can tell is that they piddle everywhere when they are close. George Michael has dozens of miniature ponies in his house, and bathes in the urine.

[edit] Pony Places

Shetland (home of emo ponies), Dartmoor, and the New Forest are excellent places to find ponies. But are not for the faint hearted. Actor, Nicholas Lyndhurst was eaten by a New Forest Pony in around 1990. They named a town in his honour. Ponies have a distinct smell of weed and unwashed hippos, they are very good at smelling out purple things. If you are going to approach a pony, you must first cover your self in de-cafeinated coffee and tie a chicken to your head.

[edit] The Great Pony Horse War

The Pony homeland, The Ponies Democratic Republic of North Ponyea, capital Ponyongyang, was created after the Capitalist Horses of The Republic of Horserea, invaded in 1953. The war resulted in over 5 million Pony casualties, the most since The Great Pony Famine of 1843. The war ended in a decisive ceasefire in which the Southern Horses economy has stagnated and the Horses starve, whilst a strategic alliance with the Grues has ensured that no one goes into dark places.