Pool Boy
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“Damn that pool boy, always way sleeping with my man”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Pool Boy
“Pool Boy meaning by some guy who went to Oxford.”
The Pool Boy n.
- The one person to destroy your life, which will sleeping with your wife, which leads to a divorce, before leaving you to live on the street fight hobos for meat where you will be killed by some sort of college student who's pissed out of their head and thinks you slept with his girlfriend who dumped them earlier that night because NO ONE cares about about a football player with a tiny cock.
- A device that will keep the wife happy while you go to the pub/cheat on your wife/jack off.
Contents |
[edit] What is the Pool Boy
The Pool Boy can be seen as one of two people:
[edit] The Bad guy
Lets face sooner or later, after you hired a pool boy, he will sleep with your wife. Even if his 68 and has more hair in his nose than on his head he WILL sleep with her. And he will do it with her on the table, in your bed, in your toilet, on your head (good news is you don't have lice) as well as other places such as on your brand new, state of the art HDTV with a HD DVD player and your HD porn collection. This of course is not allowed to happen and you should not stand for it, you paid good money for that porn collection and some dumbass 18 year old wants to do your wife on top of them, thats not what there for.
[edit] The Good Guy
The pool boy can bee seen as the good guy, while his off ramming your wife, you can some really funky stuff (and I mean REALLY FUNKY stuff) to that girl. Of course there are downsides, but if you put him in his place and teach where to 'go' and where not to 'go', you'll be find.
[edit] How to Find and train a Good Pool Boy
To find a pool boy you will need:
- A Pool
- A Wife
- A Garden Shed
- A hobby that you need to make sure you wife never finds out (cheating/jacking off/Special Hobby)
[edit] How to get a collection of Pool Boy to pick from
By setting up all these objects close together in the garden (apart from your hobbie)you will notic that a bunch of late teenage boys will line up outside your house. Well done you found the legend pool boy. a creature of great value yet of terrible evil. Yet while you have this Pool Boy you must pick ut the right one, and luckly there are two ways to that:
[edit] The Teenage Daughter method
For this you will need
- A window
- A teenage daughter that is really a slut, you'll never say it to her face but you know she is, and deep down, while you'll both never say it, you both know that you know that you think that she's a slut. And guess what, you're right
- Yourself with an angry look
[edit] The Method
- Place your daughter out side with the tightist top she owns
- Stand in front of the window looking at the pool boys
- As your daughter walks pass these boys watch there eyes. Notice how they should be looking at her milk floats, (if they don't, make your wife give birth to a slutty daughter or make sure that the pool boys are not gay).
- As they look at the milk floats, notice how some will notice that they have seen you through the window and have stopped looking at her. Give these losers the angry look. They have failed.
- The last boy left standing is your new pool boy. scare the others away with an education book for seven year olds (pool boys hate education)
[edit] The wife test
For this one you will need
- A wife
- A window on the second floor or higher
- A bush to hide in
[edit] The Method
- Place wife at window looking at pool boys
- Hide in bush and watch her
- The first one she sees and licks her lips is the one
- Rid of the other pool boys
[edit] How to dress your pool boy
This is the most important step of the early training, with out it all other training is worthless and you would of wasted your time. The goal here is to make sure that he looks the part for your wife, as so she won't what you do in her free time as she will be busy, meaning you can go to you secert club that makes you look ashamed to the rest of the world (and rightly so). Of there is much to do here so lets take this one step at a time
[edit] The Tan
For the tan you will need to place your pool boy in the sun or in a sun bed for four to six hours. MAke sure you give them a sunscreen of at least factor 40, thyey do burn quickly. at this point, if you're giveing your pool boy a tan in the sun, make sure your wife and daughter do not see. They will either
a)See things the wrong way
b)Get too excited over the pool boy and things will go wrong (See Pool Boys go wrong)
[edit] The clothes
This is what pool boys wear
- Jeans
- Under wear
- A Watch
- Nothing else
Your pool boy will know look the part with that get-up.
[edit] Training
There is only one way to train a pool boy, and that's to train him in a way that he doesn't know you're training him and if he did, his head would blow up because he's too stupid.
The first thing you will teach him is when to ram your wife. To do this, drop hints like this:
- (To everyone)"I'm off - out for a few hours."
- (To the wife, but the pool boy will hear)"I won't be here for the weekend, love. Don't do anything that will give me the right to divorce you, if you only did it because you were bored."
- (To the pool boy)"Ram her good, but don't let me catch you. But make it seem that you two have so I know that you're doing your job."
[edit] The Golden rules
These are the Golden rules and if they are broken, all hell will break loose (See "when Pool Boys go wrong").
For the slow this means
Of course you would never need to explain this to the pool boy; it's passed on in their DNA from generations of society waste to society waste. But every now and then, a pup is born missing the gene. This can be corrected by placing posters saying "free porn on this poster" but really having the golden rule on it(both smart and idot verison).
[edit] When things go Wrong
Of course some pool boys are either poorly trained or just even more dumbshits than they appear to be. So here's a list of things going wrong and what to do:
[edit] No longer Ramming your Wife
This IS a problem. Not a small one, but a huge. You will have to sort this out straight away or the worst could happen:
[edit] Screwing your daughter
Remeber your Slutty daughter? Of course you do. Common problem of pool boys is that there is a higher chance that they will go for your slutty daughter (Don't worry they will never go for the ugly one... but who would). If you ever do see your pool boy with your daughter ask this question to the pool boy. (Golden rules work for your daughter too - more later.)
"Do you wear a Condom?"
[edit] If He does
Tell your daughter that dinner will be at eight and close the door to the garden shed (If not see, "not in garden shed"). Remember not to tell your wife, as there will be a cat fight. While yes, cat fights are HOT, remember, one of them is your daughter. While she is hot herself, to think of her in that way is just WRONG!!!!! You might be ask, "Why should I tell her to stop fucking the pool boy?" Well think of it like this. What do you think a teenage slutty girl is going to do? That's right - make your life hell, but don't blame anyone but yourself. You raised her to be slut. Remember to keep a close eye (not the sick kind) on the "relationship", to see if things get worse.
[edit] If he doesn't
This is the moment when you know that one of the two have to put down. Ask yourself this, Which one is more important, the pool boy or the slutty daughter. Well here's a list for both sides
The Pool Boy
- He cleans your pool
- He keeps your wife busy
- You put a lot of time into him
- Without him your pool looks empty
The Daughter
- Shes your flesh and boold
- She does have a great ass, meaning that you have good genes
- (Come back later)
In a recent poll. 99% of all men said that they would keep the pool boy because they have some use to the world that doesn't involve having a "snake" in their mouth.
[edit] Rid of the Daughter
This is easy, simply get a sword and tell her something is at the tip of it, and that she needs to get it in her eye to see it. Because shes a slut, she'll fall for it
[edit] Rid of the Pool Boy
Get a gun and start crying and tell him that it's just his time and that you will miss him
[edit] Screwing your Son
This never happens as pool boys are smart and don't want to look like pedos to the world
[edit] Screwing you
First lets get this straght. Shit happens! One day your king of the world and things are going well, you got a great job, a great house, a great car, a slutty daughter so everbody under 19 knows who you are and what is seem less important, a wife, with some great milk floats. Then one day your having a house party, you have a one too many and bam! You wake up with the pool boy. Fear not, this is what you do, but first ask yourself this
[edit] In a drunken state, was your mind trying to tell you something
Guess what, you could gay! Ask yourslef these questions
- Have you read playgirl in the last lifetime?
- Whos your favoute character in Babewatch?
- Who do you think of when you jacking off/screwing your wife?
- Is your secert lover a guy?
Think about those question carfully. If the the answer say your gay. you need to get a new life... A gay life and repeat the porcess of the whole page, but this time, a gay pool boy for your MAN.
[edit] Its his fault
You must kill him then rid his body somewhere and remove all evedence that he was alive. If your family ask, say:
"What pool boy?"
If they catch on to you, you know what you have to do...
[edit] Anywhere but your Garden Shed
Alright, his broken the rule about only ramming your wife in the golden shed, he close to doing it on you Porn collection. Even worse, while you're watching it. the not much that can be done here other than place something in the shed to lure them back in there. One of the most popular methods is to place a boy band CD in there, seeing that most pool boy rather listen to a bunch of homosexual "singers" than a great band. Of course if that does not work you will need to put him down
[edit] How to End Him
Well theres a number of ways to this, here are a few of some pool boy owners' favouite
[edit] "The Cut the Wang off" Method
You will need
- A blade
You simply grab his wang and make a cut. There will be blood, plus his lost his manhood (if he didn't lose it when he listened to that Justin Timberlake CD)
[edit] "The Greek God method"
You will need
- A blade
- A steady hand
- A Sea
There a Greek lenged that Cronus farther of Zeus, fought against his own farther, Uranus for cotrol of the universe. He never killed him but he did stop him from producing more Gods that could threatened both of them by castrating him and throwing his balls into the sea. The idea is the same:
- find that son of a bitch and tie him down
- With your stead hand and blade cut off his balls
- Throw them into the sea
If you wish to go all the way with the Greek God plan, remember to eat all children your wife gives birth a birth too, after this event. It would be totally manly!
[edit] "Don't make me Angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm Angry" Method
This one is for all the people who like to explode when they're angry
You will need
- A shrit two sizes smaller than you
- Green paint
- A green wig
- Paint yourslef and wear the wig before place the shirt on, Don't rip it
- When you see him Go "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm Angry"
- Rip the shirt and go , "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH", or if your a geek, or his name happens to be it, go, "KKKKKKKKKKKKKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Kill Him
[edit] Breaking the Golden Rules
This has to delt with right there and then
You will need
- A shot gun
- A blade
- Your Wife and/or daughter
- An Angry face
- A sign
[edit] The Method
- Shoot the guys head right off
- Place your wife and/or daughter down
- Cut out there tainted areas
- Place a sign asking for new pool boy
- Carry on life as normal
You might be wondering why you need to cut out the tainted areas, well is because they are tainted, there unclean and now there stupid.
[edit] Last Words
If you trained him well you will enjoy your new pool boy but remember these words of advice
- Feed them, they're too stupid to do it themselves, so leave a dish out with left overs for them
- Remeber to potty train them
- Remeber a pool boy is for life, not just for christmas... unless they break the rules
Enjoy
