Poverty

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Yo momma so po' and so fat, that when they used the satellite photo to take her portrait, it was done with old Soviet Sputnik satellites!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Poverty

“You so poor you cannot afford a good joke”

~ The World on Oscar Wilde

“You so good... mmmmhm... a tasty burger!”

~ Ka'eo on The World

“Turns out, poverty wasn't a good idea...”

~ God on Poverty

Poor people eat this.

If you're feeling impoverished, why not get adopted by Angelina Jolie? It's not like she isn't hot or anything.

Poverty is a means by which people insulate themselves from recessions and depressions. While their neighbors piss and moan about how working for practically no money totally sucks, the poor are prepared for austerity measures, such as turning the thermostat down to 45 degrees Farenheit, eating Sam's Choice brand Hamburger Helper, or skinning their children to make a hat.

There are competing views on poverty. The capitalist view suggests that poverty is the natural trickle-down effect of continued efficiency. As companies become more efficient, so do individuals. The everyone elseist view says that poverty really sucks, and that The Man is just greedy as fuck.

[edit] Causes of poverty

1. The Man.
2. Republicans.
3. gay sex with Republicans.
4. Celeberites
5. Micheal Jackson
6. sucking at life
7. ex-wives
8. having poor parents
9. abusive stepdads
10. Poor people
11. Roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris
12. Blacks, Beaners and Jews

[edit] Effects of poverty

Poverty gives rise to a number of diseases. Chief among these is a form of dementia that makes poor people think they can get ahead if they work really hard. This is not true. A similar form of dementia makes poor people think they can get rich by buying lottery tickets. This is true, of course, but only if one buys the winner ticket.

Poverty is only an excuse for people not to wear clothes

[edit] Handling Poverty

During Lyndon Baines Johnson's "War on Poverty," the most effective solution to poverty was found to be dangling pieces of meat over the edges of canyons. The types of meat used varied depending on the race of the poor person in question. Although most poor persons generally prefer some form of bucketed chicken, pork, whether it be ribs, pork chops, or sweet and sour pork, this was largely a moot point, since the vultures and other carrion-eating creatures who ate the poor people didn't particularly care what they'd eaten, as long as their bodies were dangling over the edge of the canyon in question.

Later experiments conducted by the NSA also found that voting for Democrats was also an effective remedy to poverty. However, counter-studies have shown that shooting Republicans may be an even more effective solution. Additionally, the GOP has recently theorized that poverty can be ended by rounded up the poor and forcing them by way of a cat-o-nine-tails to run on a giant hampster wheel which would then power our cities. This wouldn't necessarily make them successful, it would simply give them something to do, also, they'd be used to feed cattle when they can no longer run.

[edit] What doesn't work

Work. it buys me drugs thts what!

[edit] Poverty Calculator

Poverty can be calculated using the famous Broken Dreams Index (BDI). Discovered by scientist Jon Stewart in the early 2000's, the BDI is a simple formula using the ratio of Ramen noodles bought (RNB) and the total number of liters of plasma sold (LPS).

BDI = RNB / LPS

[edit] See Also

• You
• Duncan ferguson, the only person alive immune to poverty.
• Angelina Jolie, she always adopts poor kids.
• Make Poverty History
• Rap music, about a bunch of poor people who like to sing about how poor they are, when nobody really cares.