Popeye the Sailor Man
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Popeye the Sailor Man (born July 4, 1257, in Boston, Massachusetts) was a cartoon character made during the Great Shit Epidemic to get people through some rough times. Each episode followed more or less the following equation: Popeye is going to ask his girlfriend, Olive Oil, to go out on a date with him, when his archnemesis, Brutus, kidnaps her. Brutus beats the hell out of him until he opens up a can of Spinach Brand® steroids, eats some, then beats "Bluto" (which was Popeye's name for Brutus) half to death. He ends up making out with Olive Oil and the episode ends. His name is actually short for Pope-eye.
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[edit] Early career
Popeye (born July 4, 1257, in Boston, Massachusetts) was an actor performing at Thimble Theater between 1789 and 1834. In 1850, the Fleischer Brothers Studio decided to try making a slapstick job based on the four plays that were on the programme during this era and, not finding any more thimbles which were capable of acting, made Popeye the star of the series. Due to the incompetence of the director responsible, Steven Spielberg, the trilogy degenerated into a documentary which today is known best by its nickname, Gone with the sailor alfit.
[edit] Gone with the Wind
This full-length feature film was originally adapted from, based on and named after Herman Melville's Moby Dick. In the first part of the docu-drama, Popeye smashes lots of objects and goes to a circus where he sees Betty Boop as a hula dancer. He gets into a fight with his Unconcious, his Ego and his Superego and -- though heavily outnumbered -- wins. So he gets the girl, Olive Oyl, who lives as a painter, having just discovered the art of Oyl-painting. After imprisoning her on his farm somewhere in the Bible Belt, he ventures out to give General Lee a good spanking. (Liberation not being a word audiences were interested in, back then.) On return, he finds his farm burned down, his wife and kids raped and deported to enslavement, spoiling a good movie of with one of those quite unrealistic Hollywood happy-ends. However it must be noted in due fairness that the ending references certain events in Popeyes childhood that will be subject to discussion further down this page.
[edit] I like big butts and I can not lie
The clichés discussed and dismissed by Gone with the Wind, and the radical and uncompromising critique of art as a form of employment, were just what the average audience wanted to see, apparently. Thus, Gone with the Wind thrived even though intellectual critics flamed the film as being "overly complex", "highly theoretical" and "funny". Induced by the tremendous success, the Fleischers made several more Popeye episodes, in some of which his voice was used to synchronize the actresses Betty Boop and Olive Oyl as well. This fact shows that Popeye's acting capabilities were much better than Betty's, Olive's and many other female actors, evidence that the Shakespearean practise of casting male or castrate actors for female roles was not without reason. Furthermore, while all movies starring female actors had to obey to the Hays Code (the 1930 Motion Picture Production Code) and be toned down, Popeye's features were all about fighting and violence, which posed no problem under the Code.
Courtesy of J. McFall!
[edit] The Spinach Incident
In most of the documentaries, Popeye ate spinach to make him suddenly seem much stronger. This particular food was chosen due to a lobbying effort by the artificial spinach industry, which manipulated the US official government statistics on the vitamin content of different foods by moving the decimal point for spinach's iron content, making people think that spinach was incredibly good for them and could make them strong. Being a typical food of poor farmers in Kansas and Arkansas, who served it with scrambled eggs and potatoes, the appearance of spinach in Gone with the Wind is favored by greasers and neo-Nazis.
Note also that Popeye's enemies are smart enough that during his 54,087 adventures, no-one ever thought of fighting against him by eating spinach himself.
-I realy doubt that it was spinach in that can.
I called the cops and during a raid on his ship they found 50 kilos of weed it makes ya think, that lovable carachter inspired many of kids. Wait!, but didin't those kid grow up into the hippies of the 60's
As i said i called the cops to raid his ship. I first started to suspect that he had pot when he jumped on a squirl and yelled "GO DRAGON GO!!!!!"
fricin potheads
i know a few pot heads so i know how to spot one. sincerly, bigta000-
[edit] The Great Spinach Famine
The Great Spinach Famine is a little known disaster that occurred on the American Declaration of Independence. It been long lost in history that Popeye himself was one of the survivors.
[edit] Artistic Work and Reality
A little known fact is that in the original plays the television series was modelled after, real memories from Popeye's life were presented quasi-biographically. Sadly, the documentary omitted crucial parts of Popeye's youth for reasons that are not quite clear to this date. Some sources have it that the producers of said series thought later developments irrelevant; others maintain the viewpoint that Popeye himself was ashamed and unhappy with the events that occurred during and immediately after his puberty. Popeye's cartoons which were popular in THEIR day, have recently been studied by a crack group of researchers. It was an amazing find that this entertainment giant is a quite blatant racist in that he refers to all middle eastern people as Ali-Baba.
[edit] Life Before Artistic Success
However, it is an established fact nowadays that while being raped by his stepfather, a sailor and fisher who wanted Popeye to inherit the family business, Popeye found George Washington as his idol and life-long ally against the Redcoats, and joined the Revolutionary Army at the age of 518 (because he was born in 1257). This accounts for his iron will when running a campaign for president exactly five years later in 1780, as well as forming his own patriotic resturant, Popeye's Chicken, although as he could not figure out his secret recipe (which was eventually discovered by Heihachi Mishima), he closed it. However, Popeye decided to create a lot of documentaries, mostly about the current American society.
Though highly successful as a documentary writer, Popeye did not nominate himself for a third term of office for another four years, but instead sought new experiences as an performance artist. After his engagement by Thimble Theater, he quickly became known to a more general public.
[edit] Recent Assault & Battery Charges
A videotape was recently released showing what appears to be Popeye rampaging through the city in order to keep things quiet enough for his son, Sweet Pea, to sleep. Within a 10 minute interval, Popeye is seen assaulting- and possibly murdering- over a dozen people. In the course of the video, he wrecks a dozen honking cars (he even left Liquid Snake in the middle of the intersection); singlehandedly collapses a building; assaults several musicians and destroys their equipment; sinks a cruise ship; destroys a radio and sends his fist flying through the airwaves to punch the radio host; and verbally and physically abuses various people throughout the film.
Popeye was promptly arrested at his California mansion and falsely charged with child neglect, illegal possession of firearms, assault, battery, destruction of city property, unauthorized use of lethal force, and manslaughter. The sailor was order to pay a record fine of $1 million United States dollars in damages for the destruction he caused and serve 6 sessions of anger management, or go to a state penitentary for the next 6-8 months. But this incident was actually done by Bluto, who posed as Popeye to rape Olive Oyl (and eventually killed her). All charges on Popeye were dropped (he was exonerated though), and Bluto was sentenced to reclusion temporal.
The video is actually done by one of Bluto's friends so that he can get away with Olive.
[edit] Popeye today
Recently Popeye has expressed interest in being the mayor of New York City in the near future. When Popeye becomes the Mayor of New York City, he will be henceforth be known as Popeye the Mayor Man. His tagline as mayor will be:
I'm Popeye the Mayor Man
I am a Republican
Eat spinach for dinners
Then meet with the winners
I'm Popeye the Mayor Man!
[edit] Characters
- Popeye: Popeye is the protagonist of the series. He always sings songs about himself and others. He often nicknames his steroids "spinach". He fight's Brutus on a daily basis, and has survived several series of strokes.
- Olive Oil: Popeye's severely anorexic girlfriend, one of the few famous animated sufferers of rickets.
- Brutus: A huge man whos strength is real. This is why he always wins fights until Popeye takes his steroids. Bruno is a black belt in dykewondo. He has unrequited love for Olive Oil. What a whore.
- Boner: Bruno's dog. And what a wangster!
- Wimpy: The morbidly obese older brother of acclaimed cartoon star Mr. Magoo. His catch phrase was "Ill gladly pay you for a hamburger tomarrow for a hamburger today." He suffered a massive heart-attack from excessive cholestrol on the set of NYPD Blue as the stunt-double for Dennis Franz.
- Sweet-Pea: Olive Oil's son, rumor has it that the father really is Bluto. Olive Oil was known to be a negelectful mother, and it wasn't long before Sweet-Pea would suddenly be caught crawling into oncoming traffic or climbing the scaffolding of a 100 story high-rise under construction. Popeye would normally intervene to save the child, and although never actually meant to be a character on the show the director managed to use the takes of Sweet-Peas mischeif into whole storylines. SweetPea was eventually taken into custody by the Child Welfare Department after learning of the videos. He was immediately replaced by Warwick Davis.
[edit] See Also
- Pope
- Kenny McCormick
- Cap'n Crunch
- J. Wellington Wimpy
- Popnose
- Popeye the Sailor Moon
- Popeyes Fried Chicken
| Preceded by: Mickey Mouse | Protector of the American Way 1941 - 1950 | Succeeded by: Joseph McCarthy |
