Porsche
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“This would be a good car if I could fire it up without rolling out this fucking crank”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rice Motoring Magazine
The first known drawing of Willy Porsche
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[edit] History
Porsche was founded in Albania by Adolf Hitler in the early 20's. It is now owned by Osama, only to be now sold to Tony Blair as a retirement gift.
Since his childhood he was drawing cars always. His family didn't ever known what to do with him.
At age 46, he started to draw proper car desings and technical innovations, such the 'Bookandbrike secured chair system', the "Ford Porsche Coal-Dust Powered Land Canoe" and so many others.
One of the goals of Porsche history, as a car maker, was doing one of the more all-in-back vehicles ever made, so he made the model called 911.
[edit] Typical Porsche Drivers
Self-loving ego-centric wankers who can't keep a girlfriend for more than 2 weeks because they'd be complaining that he uses all her shaving foam on his hairy chest. These kind of people usually own Boxsters, because they just took out a £20k loan and used up their £10k life-savings as a deposit. Once they become proud owners of a (quite crappy) Boxter (a beetle with a turbo), they feed on Instant noodles, baked beans, Tesco economy bread, oh yeah and let's not forget shaving foam (also Tesco economy) and razors (bic's) for their hairy chest.
For richer wankers 911 is a must, because they need to show their super-wanker-wannabe boxter owners who's the daddy. 911 drivers are even hairier, they don't shave their chest, they wax it. They tend to have less hair though, and drive their 911 at it's maximum speed limit of 20mph. Porsche have in fact purposely build in a speed limiter so that the owners have a bigger chance of being spotted. This hasn't worked, beetle is a beetle Gordon Brown once said.
Modern Porsche drivers tend to be obese homosexual males who use Apple computers. Often, these men join Porsche clubs so that they can see each other's audis. Volkswagen drivers are related to Porsche drivers in that they use Apple computers but haven't quite figured out they are homosexual and have failed to gain the required weight.
[edit] A revolucionary mechanical configuration
It was revolutionary!
[edit] The 976 model: A rebirth
As a car maker, Mr. Fredinandis Porsche loved to travel in a Ferry. That's why years later he got the idea of making a new model, the 928, putting the engine in the other side and connecting it to the wheels using a brand new device called sway-bar.
The Porsche 928 changed its name to Porsche 928 (note the accent variation in the 'two') just in response to that early Citroen offense and that twos in the middle.
- Why this model could use the name with the '2' in the middle? That was because Citroen got renamed to Renault and the two became three.
Finally, the car came into market under the name of Maserati Biturbo.
[edit] Today
Now Mr. Mortimer Porsche lives in a forest in south-america, hidden from german autority.
Some say he used to walk down the hill eating apples and changing his own first name.
[edit] Pronunciation
Porsche is not pronounced "porsch" as most stupid people tend to say it. Rather, it is pronounced "porsche-uh" due to the Uhhh Decree of 1402 signed into law by Sentient Coin
[edit] See Also
