Potato Head

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Proper placement of facial parts

Potato Head is the scientific name for a common medical condition where a person's face parts are either in the wrong position or distorted.

[edit] Potato Head History

There is little evidence that Potato Head existed, until 1337 A.C., when archeologists found this carving from 267 B.C.

Previous to the Nike Revolution, all potato head sufferers were killed at first sight. After the Nike Revolution, Eric Flood was the only resident of the Kenalagiaippi Disputed Nuclear Zone. It was believed that Eric Flood suffered from Potato Head, and George W Bush didn't want to kill Kenalagiaippi's only citizen. A new law was passed in 2006 A.C. to stop the killing of Potato Head sufferers. Medical researchers immediately set forth on finding a cure to prevent and treat Potato Head and amazingly found a home treatment procedure for this complicated disorder.

[edit] Potato Head Diagnosis

This person has been Huffing Kittens and does not have Potato Head, even though it may look like it.

Diagnosing Potato Head is simple and can be done at home. The first step in treatment is acknowledging you have a problem. If you believe you have Potato Head follow these simple steps:

• If you were recently Kitten Huffing, sleep off the effects and see if you still think you have Potato Head in the morning.

• First, get a measuring tape.
• After you have your measuring tape, go outside because you need to stand on flat ground, and everyone knows the Earth is flat, and your house or building you are in may not be flat.

A man trying to self diagnose Potato Head

• Stand on the end of the measuring tape with your right foot and pull up to the right eye. Make sure the numbers are facing towards you. Close your left eye and look straight at the measuring tape to see what the measurement says with your right eye. You need to write this measurement down, as you don't want to make a mistake later. Oh yea, you can open your left eye now.
• Stand on the end of the measuring tape with your left foot and pull up to the left eye. Make sure the numbers are facing towards you. Close your right eye and look straight at the measuring tape to see what the measurement says with your left eye. You need to write this measurement down, as you don't want to make a mistake later. It's now safe to open both eyes.
• Compare the two numbers and if they are different, then you have one eye higher than the other and you have Potato Head.

[edit] Potato Head Treatment

A case of severe Potato Head

Treating Potato head is fairly easy, and can also be done at home with the proper equipment. If you haven't properly diagnosed yourself as having Potato Head, please see Potato Head Diagnosis above.

[edit] Eyes

The most difficult step in fixing Potato Head is fixing the eyes. You may want to Huff a Kitten before doing this step to help alleviate the pain. If you do choose to Huff, please have a friend or family member help you with this step, as you shouldn't operating heavy machinery if you have been huffing.

• Figure out which eye is higher.
• Subtract the two measurements from your diagnosis.
• Get your belt sander and place it up-side-down and turn it on.
• Carefully sand away the bottom of your foot of the higher side. If your left eye is higher than your right, then you need to use your left foot and vice-versa.
• Sand away until you have sanded off the difference between the two eyes.
• Congratulations!! You have completed the first step in fixing your Potato Head.

[edit] Ears

One side effect of fixing your eyes is that your ears are now tilted. To fix your ears follow these simple steps:

• Find out where Mike Tyson is.
• Call him a Fudge Packing Butt Pirate.
• When he leaps at you, turn your head so your higher ear is towards him. Note: This is the opposite ear than the foot from the above steps.
• Mike will then bite off the top of your ear, which will result in your ears being parallel.
• Congratulations!! You have completed the second step in fixing your Potato Head.

another severe case of potato head

[edit] Nose

Now you may notice that your nose is crooked. There is a simple fix for this.

• Find your best friend's girl friend or boy friend.
• Have sex with that person.
• Tell your best friend.
• He will probably punch you in the nose, which will break it for you.
• Ensure your nose heals in the proper perpendicular position.
• Congratulations!! You have completed the final step in fixing your Potato Head.