President Jar Jar

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This article may have redeeming value. The author just refuses to work on it until someone fixes the Template:Infobox President template.
Jar Jar "J-Binx" "Der Führer" Binks DCLXVI
Jar Jar "J-Binx" "Der Führer" Binks DCLXVI
Term of office: ¼ – ½
Preceded by: Jar Jar "J-Binx" Binks DCLXV
Succeeded by: Jar Jar "J-Binx" Binks DCLXVII
Date of birth: 0
Place of birth: France
Date of death: ¾
Place of death: Quebec
First Lady: HAHAHAHA good one
Political party: all night long


What the hell is this doing on Uncyclopedia? This guy is so non-notable, he makes that guy seem important.

~ Oscar Wilde on J-Binx

Mesa Sith Lord.

~ Jar Jar Binks

The Binks empire, begun in 0 A.B (Ano Binxoni), ended in its third year with it's DCLXVI'th emperor, President Jar Jar.

[edit] Accomplishments

J-Binx DCLXVI is most well known for his work on the frontier in breathing. He managed to talk in strange uluations while taking breath only once every 428 seconds. The current record, however, is held by Pope John Paul II, who no longer breaths at all between his speeches.

His other various accomplishments (none of which are truly remarkable or outstanding) included outlawing the prostitution of his species, rats, and other members of the Rodenta order; receiving oral sex from Paris Hilton, corrupting several politicians with money, and inventing the beastial porn genre.

[edit] Downfall

His main downfall occurred in the year math when he was challenged to a game of Five-finger fillet by a political opponent. Unable to decline, yet having but 4 fingers, he was forced to superglue a spork to his hand. All was well, until some clever bastard in the audience pointed out the trick, and he was shamed for his scandal.

His other mistake was the classic one made by many rulers throughout history -- he left no male heir to the throne. Every female he ever approached stammered that they were already engaged, and proceeded to marry their brother-in-law's dog. Disheartened by his rejection, he also decided to marry his brother-in-law's pitbull, and, since Carl Linnaeus and all those other heretics hadn't come along to define species, he was able to successfully copulate and reproduce with the dog. Thus, the first grue was brought into being, a cross between a pitbull and....

[edit] Origin

J-Binx is believed to be the result of a mutation that caused his immediate evolutionary digression to a reptilian form. He has raised eye-stalks that move independantly, a forked tongue that can shoot out at blinding speeds, and has a prediliction for the sun. He also has ears the size of Your mom and can jump really high. He can also rub his stomach and pat his head. Or was it rub his head and pat his stomach? Anyways, he can do one of those at the same time, and it is really cool.

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