Princess Diana
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“Drive faster, I think we can lose them...”
~ Princess Diana In the car
“I feel like some jet-set bitch I've never met personally has had a traffic accident in a foreign country somewhere”
~ Agatha Christie on Princess Diana
“You fubbin fubbers, it was Prince Phillip, the CIA, Mossad, the boy scouts, they cut the brakes on the mercedes!”
~ Mohammed al Fayed on Diana's Death
“The Queen of Hearts? She doesn't know what I've been called”
~ Oscar Wilde on Princess Diana
“She was easier than playing Scrabble with David Beckham.”
~ Will Carling on Princess Diana
“Diana Zombie Exclusive! Is she Dead?”
~ The Daily Express on Princess Diana
“Ah hunting, first the chase then the beast under you between your legs as you keep whipping her - I had a lot of fun getting revenge on Diana during her marriage”
~ Camilla Parker Bowles on Princess Diana
“When I shut my eyes and listen to their music, it's like being in a fast car charging through the underworld of a romantic European City and when it stops it's like crashing into a concrete wall.”
~ Princess Diana on The X Factor finalists
“Why did Diana cross the road? She didn't have her seatbelt on.”
~ Bettsy on Diana jokes
Die-anal Spencer "AKA Princess Dead" (born: Monkeys in Space Era – died: Cloned Sheep Era) was a smacked-up spunk-crazed zombie descended from Franz Ferdinand. First rising to fame as the poster girl for Woodbines, her aristocratic blood gifted her with mutant powers. She had a big conk also.
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[edit] A Dissenting View
Absolutely appalling! Princess Diana was not a mutant, and certainly had no superpowers. Oh, certainly, she did have super-strong breath in the morning, but that was a gift to her from God, along with her incorruptible flesh, laser feet, leprosy-curing locks of hair, typhoon menstrual flow, and wafers that spontaneously transform themselves into gobbits of her flesh upon ingestion. I assure you, the only gifts gamma radiation ever gave her were her supernaturally funky dance moves. And pyrokinesis, of course, but that's it. You know, like in Firestarter.
We are not amused.
[edit] Marriage
Diary extract - one was in bed last night, a bit cramped, as first of all Camilla was riding Charles, we got mixed up and in the confusion Charles discovered he was doing it with a Corgi and Camilla was on top of me, then David Bain joined us and think he may have done Charles by accident as he certainly didn't do me.
[edit] The Story of The Princess of Hearts
There is a lot of facetious misinformation being presented her about her life and death. It fills me with dismay to see such a misrepresentation of the facts. To set the record straight:
Saint Diana (a.k.a. "Shagger Spencer") was known as the People's Princess of Peace. Shagger mingled with the lowly and destitute, and her healing hands cured many a leper in her town of Windsor. [1].
Shags and her disciple, Dodi, commended their spirits into the hands of the Lord in 1997. While Saint Diana as a last act of kindness provided much fodder to the multitudes of paparazzi, Dodi breathed his last words of johns hopkins rules!!! to the fate that the Lord had ordained with the well-known palindrome [2] "Did I do Di? I, Dodi, did!"
[edit] Her Death
Diana looked outside the window of the limo she and Dodi Fayed shared and, spitting out Dodi's member made a small frown.
"Paparazzi," she sighed. "I suppose we had better transform our car into a giant robot again if we wish to escape."
"Oh darling, must we?" asked Dodi. "I had only just started drinking my cup of baby's blood."
Diana grimaced. "I can't believe you drink that disgusting gruel." She shuddered. "Babies," she said, pronouncing the word as if it physically hurt her lips to utter.
"I'm sorry, darling. I just never got the taste for the spinal fluid you prefer, I'd much rather abuse them whole."
"Oh, but Dodi, you must give it a chance. It's so much more potent than haemogloblin."
"I suppose I've always been conservative," said Dodi, his eyes growing misty with nostalgia for vital fluids of the past.
The paparazzi were getting closer. "I suppose we should hurry," said Diana, tapping meaningfully on Dodi's eardrum with a bony claw.
"Yes," said Dodi. "Well. Driver? Robot mode, please."
"Right away, Sir," said the driver, who was a cleverly trained monkey. It manipulated the clutch with its clever monkey hands.
The limousine began to hum. With a loud mechanical clacking sound, it stretched and unfolded, refolding into a massive humanoid form.
"Oh my," said Dodi. "The metamorphosis seems to have crushed my penis."
"I suppose we should have spent less money on training a monkey chauffeur and more on buying a non-fatal limousine," said Diana.
"I suppose so," said Dodi. "Rather."
"Yes," said Diana, just before a rotating axle took off her head.
"Hmm," Dodi mused, just before he was devoured by the crankshaft.
[edit] Alternative Death Theories
- The collective will of media personalities calling Princess Diana 'Die' led to her ultimate demise.
- Many believe that Diana was struck down by God for helping young black children in Africa, a crime punishable by death in the United Kingdom.
- Or that she was killed in a catfight with Camilla.
- She choked on a spanner
- Or that former President John Fitzgerald Kennedy did it, probably with the CIA, British Secret Service especially James Bond and Prince Phillip and most of the rest of the people in the world that Mohammed Al Fayed has heard of.
- You killed her. Nice job, you damn American, you crushed every Brit in England and it's secret communitst goverment hideout. Nice.
- She isn't dead, she's married to Elvis and rides Shergar every day where they live next door to Lord Lucan somewhere on the Moon.
- She was eaten by The Queen Mother.
- She was involved in a tragic accident whilst partaking in a bizarre sex game involving John Leslie, John Major, a horse, and a sawn-off shotgun.
- A third party was hired by MI6 to have her killed.
- The daily express had her killed so that they would have an excuse to use her for every single one of their headlines for the next million years. When 7/7 happened, guess what was the headline was ?
- She was psychic and she knew 9/11 was going to happen. She wanted to see if she'd make the biggest conspiracy. She also knew she was going to die, so purposely - before Dodi and herself could put their seatbelts on and knew that the driver was a tad drunk so he didn't give a shit, they started having hot, dirty, kinky sex in the back so they could steam up the windows so no Photographers would be able to take pictures of them. Suddenly, the driver got extremely horny and because he was a massive fan of BDSM, he drove into a wall - Killing everyone, including another 50 people in the tunnel but no one gave a shit about them.
- Or the really shocking theory was that she died simply because the car crashed. BUT THAT IS VERY UNLIKELY. Who would've thought that sitting in a car that's driven at some fuck off fast speed into a huge slab of concrete whilst not wearing a seatbelt would kill you? The aforementioned theory is considered as blasemphy and very few believe it.
All the above are incorrect. Diana Spencer was killed accidentally, horribly and live on internationally-broadcast television. A spaceship from the planet Caltrop, piloted by Elvis Presley, landed in Trafalgar square. Diana was invited aboard. While she was walking up the gangplank her trailing scarf became entangled in the chain of a nearby police motorcycle of the diplomatic protection squad and she was strangled to death. All police now employ only shaft-drive motorcycles to avoid a recurrence of the dreadful incident.
[edit] Legacy
Princess Diana has kept the Daily Express in business ever since they were established, and has made them $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000US since her death: each week they release a gripping read about her. There is also a Church of Diana which is the third most popular religion in England behind the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and Jedi.
[edit] Movies
Right after Princess Diana died, some Hollywood producer began filming a movie about her life so that he could cash in like the people who made "Selena" right after she died. "The Princess Diaries" hit theaters in 2001 and won a whole bunch of awards and topped Gigli & Catwoman as the top grossing film of all time, so 3 years later they made a Princess Diaries 2 where Princess Diana is a zombie, but it was a box-office flop like Titanic, Shrek, and Spiderman.
[edit] Princess of Whales
Before marrying the prince, it was a well-known fact that she had power over all the world's known dorsolapods. After the conception of her first child, Moses of Galilee, her powers escaped through osmosis and were tranfered into the newly reborn body of Ossie Osborne.
[edit] Last known words
Her last known words to the paparazzi were "Don't take pictures of me you cunts, I'm a bloody princess don't you know!"
v d Genealogy of You Know Who (also known as the Jedi family) Obi-Wan Kenobi | Woody Allen=Jenna Jameson | --------------------------------------------------- | | | Christ=Antichrist Village idiot=Lulu Oscar Wilde=Buffy the Vampire Slayer | | | ------------------------------- Howard Stern Yoko Ono=Godzilla | | | Clark Kent=Princess Diana Minnie Mouse=Fyodor Dostoevsky 早安+大家好 |-Adolph Hitler | | |-Uncle Sam Pakistan Your Friend's Mom=You Know Who |-Wonder Woman | To be continued...
Barmy British Stuff she funny
