Professor Subtle

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Not to be confused with Professor Stubble or Professor Subtitle.

Professor Subtle in disguise. Maybe.

The only thing that is known about Professor Subtle is that he is the nemesis of Captain Obvious; anything else in this article is purely conjecture. The name "professor" may have been bestowed upon him because his powers originated from an experiment that went badly wrong while he was working for Magneto in a research laboratory, but there is also a chance that the name comes from his former position as a professor at the University of Doom, or that Professor is actually his Christian name. His most useful superpowers are his ability to morph into any shape he wants and his ability to become invisible, but other powers might include mind control and/or heavy use of extreme sarcasm.

[edit] History

Professor Subtle (invisible) moments before killing Neil Armstrong, stealing his identity and setting up his secret moon base

Though Captain Obvious has emerged as Professor Subtle's main rival, the Professor has had many other foes in the past; indeed, he has been in battles with all the major superheroes (Superman, Dr. Whoopass and Jesus, for example), but he is so subtle that no-one ever noticed he was fighting them. No-one, that is, until Captain Obvious arrived on the scene and uttered the immortal words, "Oh look. It's Professor Subtle." From that day onwards it has been Captain Obvious' quest to apprehend and destroy Professor Subtle, a quest which he has utterly failed to complete due to his unfortunate habit of announcing his arrival wherever he goes, removing the chance of a surprise attack. Arnold Schwarzenegger is actually Professor Subtle's second cousin thrice removed and is also Professor Subtle's partner-in-crime, who helped the Professor in destroying the Sear's tower, the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Twin Towers, the White House and the Pentagon. He is very dangerous and was somehow elected governor of California, possibly through blackmail and extortion.

[edit] Secret Identity

One of the Professor's more menacing disguises

Before the arrival of Captain Obvious, the Professor didn't need a secret identity, because his incredible subtlety prevented anyone from noticing him. However, rumour has it that, in order to ridicule his nemesis in truly ironic fashion, the identity that Professor Subtle assumed upon the start of his feud with Captain Obvious was none other than Mr. Obvious; and the Professor was so subtle about this whole affair that he has managed to convince the general public that Mr. Obvious is actually Captain Obvious' alias.

“They don't call him Professor Subtle for nothing!”

~ Captain Obvious on Professor Subtle fooling the general public

[edit] Accomplishments

Because he went unnoticed by all the world's superheroes before Captain Obvious, Professor Subtle managed to wreak havoc on the world without hindrance (at least, he may have. But it's impossible to tell, he's far too subtle). Here are some of the catastrophes the chronicler thinks that Professor Subtle may have been responsible for:

• Chernobyl
• Snakes on a Plane
• Boer War
• Hundred Years War
• Good Charlotte's fourth album
• coffee revels
• Won the Game
• George W. Bush
• That website with the initials ATS
• Big Brother
• humor
• Satan
• Roman Empire
• Starbucks
• Uncyclopedia
• The celestial object Pluto
• Tony Blair

[edit] Defeats

• The Hole in the Ozone Layer

After decades of arranging for ozone-depleting chemicals to be pumped into the atmosphere, Professor Subtle's dastardly plan was foiled by Captain Obvious, who approached the leaders of the industralised world and said "This is bad, and we ought to stop it by making it illegal to do it".

The actual conversation was a bit more protracted. It went

Captain Obvious: This is bad. and we ought to stop doing it

Leaders of the free world: but it makes money and people will not want to stop, for fear of falling behind their business competitors

CO: Then make it illegal. If you do that, it will be the same for everyone.

LOTFW: But that would be Government interference in the Free Market!

CO: So? The entire point of having a government is to regulate people's behaviour for the common good.

LOTFW: But the businesses community won't like it.

CO: That's why you need to make a law. You don't need to regulate people to make them do stuff they want to do anyway.

Professor Subtle in a field