Projectile Vomit
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Projectile vomit(AKA. Blowing chunks) is rejected food bollusks from the stomach and esophagus. Unlike normal vomit, projectile vomit must travel at least one metre and contain at least one sweetcorn within the vomit. The vomit must perform a perfect arc through the air when viewed from the side.
Diagnosis is usually performed by a trained doctor. Standing to the side of the suspect Projectile Vomiter the doctor arranges the patient next to a life size graph of an arch (usually 'y=-x^2'). The doctor tells the patient to angle their head at approximately 45 degrees, although usually a protractor is used by the doctor to accurately measure the angle. The patient is then asked to wait until they feel appropriately sick and the doctor stands back and compares the vomits apparent path through the air in comparison with the graph behind it.
A deviation of 20% from the graphs path results in a failed diagnosis of projectile vomitting.
[edit] Experiments
Sir Isaac Newton performed experiments using projectile vomit after he contracted salmonella poisoning off a raw marmoset. He measured the exact speed and velocity of the vomit upon entering the air with a tape measure as he angled his head upwards and spewed the raw marmoset over the first few rows of aspiring doctors to whom he was giving a lecture.
Albert Franken-Einstein performed an experiment involving test rats in laboratories. He managed to examine the projectile vomit of the rats and noticed that the distance of the projectile vomit decreased due to mass of the subject. He derived that the mass of an organism divided by the height and mass of the contents of the stomach equals the distance the projectile vomit will travel or E=MC^2. You found a secret!
[edit] Leisure Activities
It is known in many primitive tribes within the South-American rainforest that projectile vomiting is used as a common pastime and as such it is a great day when cholera visits a village of tribes-people. They usually see how far they're vomit can travel before dying of the disease itself. Some earlier derivations of the projectile vomit games describe how the mass of the vomit as well as the distance is measured.
In Wales, before the invention of sheep their pastimes used to include the Caer Faiwell Vaermit Gaems or the Welsh International Projectile Vomiting Games. The games featured the first ever multi-national vomit games but due to the only country participating being Wales it was soon abolished.
